Rune Capture- This story is set in the future

Chapter one- Part One- Teleportation

The day was still and the clouds were hot. In the feilds of Kunla,in the house in which Katland,Dominik and Hul lived it was still.everyone was asleep.But the clock ticked and Dom turned in his sleep. There was a scence of weirdness in the air. The clock struck 8 and the day began.

***

They were a poor family and their father had died. The reason why I am sitting here and typing away is because i am here to tell you the story of Dominik. The way he went back in time and the way he and his adventure starts.

"Katland? Kate?" called Dom. "Kate where is Hul?" 'I don't no.Probably in the feilds picking her wheat.why?" 'Because I wanted to go to Hengreg's house.' 'Just go' Kateland said. 'I'll tell her when she comes back." "Thanks" said Dom,graciuosly. Dom went.

"Hi Hen' said Dom,cheerfully."Have any spare time for playing?"Asked Dom. "Sure" said Hengreg.

They played 'spot that dog' with hengreg's dog,sprot. Dom went home after 9 hrs play. It was 4 in the afternoon when Dom arrived.

He had had a lovely day,full of fun. But he didn't go to bed knowing that tomorrow would change his life...

Chapter 2

It was a rainy and horrible day and the sun was not showing,at all.

Kate was cooking,Hul still asleep and Dom was looking out the window.

"What are you cooking?" asked Dom. "Spinich rice.' Replied kate.

Dom made an eeeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhh sound not loud enough to let Kate hear.

He returned to look out the window.

The green plains. The grey sky. The Rain birds dancing. It reminded Dom of a book he had read called "The Bright light" where it was a rainy day and then there was a speck of light and a girl called Grinhol went on a jounrney to find what the light was and in the end she found out that it was her imagination,but it was a boring day and she liked the adventure anyway.

Suddenly he saw a really yellow speck of wheat and just had that urge to touch it.He got up and walked slowly to the door."What are you doing?" said kate,looking up. Dom didn't reply. He opened the door and a gust of wind blew into the kitchen and blew out the candle.

Without hesitation,he stepped outside and ran to the golden speck. He touched it and his world changed.....

There was a spin and a whorl and all Dom could see was colours spinnig around him. His clothes had changed and worst still,his world had changed. What he could see was an old ruined village,a field of plain dirt beside the village ,lots of people and lots of houses.

He was astonished. Suddenly an old man came up to him and said," what ya doing,lad?" "Ummmmmm....I was wondering if I could get back home?" Dom asked,fingers shaking. "home?" asked The old man."This is home sonny." said the man.

Dome walked on and came to a gate. There was a caramel colour lock on the gate.

"I want to go home!!!!!!!!!" wailed Dom.

"What do you mean??" said a voice from behind him.

Dom spun around to see a girl with bright puple eyes and lovely light brown skin. She had light brown hair which swayed when she moved.

"What do you mean home?" Said the girl. Dom was stunned at her beauty to talk.

" Um..nothing." stuttered Dom,still staring at her hair and beatuful eyes.

There was a sudden boys' voice coming from beside Dom " Eva'a got herself a boyfriend!!!!"

Eva,seeing as that was her name,turned around and said"shut up" to her brother,in return.

'Sorry that was my brother." 'That's ok" said Dom,catching

his tongue back.

"My name is Dominik.'

"Come and have dinner at my place...My mother was saying it was time for a visitor...She will be pleased." said Eva."Thanks" Replied Dom.

**

After Dom was introduced to Eva's mum dad and brother...He was invited to stay the night. Eva silently nodded,wanting Dom to stay the night.

"I would be delighted.." Dom replied,not even trying to refuse that beautiful face of Eva's.

"Well" said Eva's dad,smiling..."You should go to your house with Eva and tell your mum and dad." "Um..." Remembered Dom " I would love to even see my mum again..but i can't." "

"What do you mean?????" asked Jonas,Eva's brother. " Well I think fell through a porthole and I...Just ended up here." replied Dom." !!!!!!!!!!!!!" said Eva. "Dad can I do that????" "Shush Eva...Um Dom,just stay here for the night and i will see what we can do. You go and have fun with Eva. Now Eva,your only 14. How old are you Dom?" asked Eva's dad. "14" replied Dom.

"So...just keep friends...no further than that." "Right dad." giggled Eva.

****

That night Dom slept in Eva's brother's room. The family was kind and Dom liked Eva....In a friends way! Suddenly, Dom heard a scream from Eva's

bedroom. He got up and pushed Eva's bedroom door open. And there in the middle of the room was desk, and on that desk was a cat,tail in the draw and screeching. Dom quikly pulled the cat away and it imediently stopped screaming. Dom smiled and nursed the cat's tail. Eva was still asleep.

As Dom turned, to walk out of the room, then there was a SWOOSh from behind him. Dom spun around to see the curtain swinging, but the room just the same. Dom ran back to bed.

In the morning, Dom was very quiet. Eva was happy as anything and Jonas was funny. They were eating planning the day. They first would go to the police and see what to do about Dom. Then they would go sight-seeing and eat out at "Greuntiyoe's Cuisine".

Then get Dom some boots and clothes...

But this day was already planned with the invasion.

PART 2- The invasion

It is hard to explain how the invasion happened. How the Americans bombed the little town and took the children away from their families. How they set bombs to the children's schools and homes. How Dom and Eva set out on this whole journey. Well, it went like this:

When they were planning the day, Jonas heard a flighter jet and a big bang. Everone went outside to see mayhem: Americans landing and running into homes,children screaming, parents shouting and the americans were even setting bombs.

Eva's parents reacted as soon as they saw an army troop come towards them. Eva gripped Dom's hand, but before her parents could do anything about it, Dom and Eva were taken away. Eve's mum screaming and her dad, shouting.

But the army troop, before getting onto the plane shot Eva's cousin, Fully, in the back. Eva screamed and kicked the shooter, he payed no attention.

Soon, they were on the plane and the army troop were coming around forcing sleeping powder down Eva's throught. the boys' were separate to the girls in the plane but Dom could see Eva through the window as she closed her eyes as soon as the powder hit her tongue. Then it was Dom's turn. He let the powder into his mouth, thought the army guy but had actually put a peice of cardboard there so it didn't touch his tongue.

5 minutes later

In the plane Dom thought of his family, Katland cooking and the trouble they would be up to now looking for him.

He thought of what could have happened to Eva's family. He thought of the story Grinhol and how this was even worse. he thought of food. He thought of thoughts that ventured int his mind.

But

Author notes

Um...Nothing much. But I would love to visit this place I suddenly made up! Please tell me what you think.

A contest entry

every thing

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • jtnbuck
    June 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    dude my name is in this story good job with this is was really good i liked it


  • Mel-the-Believer
    April 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This is an interesting story, I do have a question for you though. What was the link/quote I gave you, just so I have an idea?
    Thanks for entering. God Bless!


  • sodancewithsoda silver member
    April 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    You've created a story that got me curious and... I honestly don't know what IS really happening - but I think that adds a bit to the story's mystery ^_^

    I think.. you need to proofread things before posting them, since it'd be easier to read and understand. You'd get more readers and comments with that, I think

    Thank you so much for entering the contest and good luck


  • Violet Moodswing Greeters member
    April 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I think that you have a good start to an interesting and exciting story. The typos do make it a bit distracting to try to read, but nothing that you cant fix with a few edits. A few more paragraph breaks in the right places would also help the readers eye follow the story without missing anything.

    Keep working on it though it is worth the effort I think.

    Best of luck in the contest.


  • Delfishie
    March 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    yin vs. yang

    Oy. I have no idea how to judge this. Let me explain my problem:

    1. You're a fricking AWESOME writer. I can tell just by reading this that you're a natural. Your descriptions were REALLY good and I could literally picture the sprout of wheat in a green field with grey skies in my head.

    Seriously, you need to go to writing workshops and take extra english classes or do WHATEVER, but you have an obvious talent that's just waiting to be developed.

    ...Which brings me to my quandary:

    The grammar and spelling need a LOT of work. Listed are the things you need to change to improve this story's readability:

    1. Get rid of the wowowowowowowowowow thing in the middle, mostly because it stretches the page really wide and makes your story very hard to read, because of having to constantly move the bar-thingie over and back again.

    2. Put a new paragraph in between every bit of new dialogue. An example:

    "I really like your hair," Eva said.

    "Thanks a lot," replied Dom, touched. "I brush it every day. I even wash it, occasionally."

    "Will you two shut up," shouted Eva's brother from the next room. "I'm trying to watch CSI!"

    ...Heh. You see, every time the character speaks, I created a new paragraph. It doesn't matter how many sentences that character speaks, either. Dom's speaking part had more than one sentence, but his lines were all in the same paragraph.

    Whenever a different character says something in a conversation, new paragraph.

    3. If you have a program on your computer that offers spellcheck, you should use it. If not, I think this site offers a spellchecking program? Maybe? I think it does.

    4. Always start a new sentence with a capital letter. Also, capitalize each person's name. If you're leaving the sentences lower cased for stylistic purposes, please make sure that EVERYTHING is lowercased so there's continuity throughout the story.

    5. 'Your' means something you possess: "your mother called. your pimples are flaring up. give me your hand. etc"

    'You're' means 'you are': "you're a presbyterian? you're a bit silly today. i don't care what you're saying. etc."


    Argh. I'm sorry to be so negative in this review. I really really don't want to discourage you from writing because I did really enjoy reading this and you kick ASS at imagery. Just work on the grammar and spelling and your stories should ROCK in the future.

    What myth is this based on, by the way?


  • Night-Rink
    March 18, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    wow do you have more?

1 - 6 of 6