I'm so sick of the dirt road so I decide to take a detour. Over a fence and past the wheat fields is a huge tree that looks great for somewhere to rest. No one will find me here. I hope. Sitting at the bottom of the enormous trunk, I watch the sun slip behind the horizon. The wheat fields that were just moments ago painted in glowing hues of orange and pink lifelessly fall into shadow.
After clearing the area of brush, it doesn't take long to light a small fire. I'm accustomed to using flint these days, especially when your life depends on it. Today I was lucky enough to trap a rabbit. The aroma of cooked meat fills my lungs and my stomach can't help but growl in anticipation. I ate till my digestive system cried out in protest. I just told it to shut up though- I never know when I'll have another filling meal.
There's something about tonight...something special. Pulling out a violin, my only prized possession, I start to play a song from my childhood. Its reminiscent melody brings me back to happier times when Mama played this song. I felt so safe with Daddy and Mama in our big white house with eight horses, five cows, ten chickens, four pigs, three cats and two dogs. On a night like this we'd be on our big wrap-around porch, drinking ice tea and watching Mama dance while playing her violin. I would clap and cheer her on as she made the stars dance and the moon smile.
That was before Mama died and Daddy took to drinking. Those blissful nights turned into nights of fear, bruises, and a cut or two. He lost all sanity, killing whatever dreams our family had in the desperate hope that one day we'd be happy. I guess even before Mama died, we weren't happy. Only when she played the violin did a smile reach our lips or a laugh escape our mouths.
Mama always had a sort of forced smile when Daddy was around. Her voice would sound funny and her hands trembled. I was too ignorant to know why, or to understand why Mama had me feed the animals every night after dinner while she and Daddy were inside their locked bedroom door.
The day or two after we buried Mama, I found a horse dead in our barn. It was mutilated, the chainsaw in the corner of the barn obviously the culprit. I was too frightened to ask Daddy about the horse. He was usually too drunk to comprehend much anyway. When he came home horribly drunk after he'd been gone for a week, I was smart enough to hide in my bedroom closet. But sometimes, I wasn't always lucky enough to stay hidden for long.
Every week, I would find a few more dead animals in the yard or barn. We finally had no animals left and I came to the realization I'd be next. So while Daddy was away on one of his "trips", I packed what I could and took Mama's violin (he hadn't destroyed that yet). I left sunflowers on Mama's grave and told her I'd stay strong and I'd always love her. In a whisper, I told her I knew the truth...she didn't die falling down the stairs like Daddy had said. And with that, I walked away and never looked back.
Reliving the past hurts too much. There's only today and the hope tomorrow brings. Quickening the tempo, I start dancing around the fire like Mama would. The crackling flames make wild shadows while my feet savagely pound the ground, creating a methodic beat. Faster and faster, my bow slides across the strings as my fingers rapidly move. I laugh out loud as the crickets join my symphony. Raising my eyes to the brightly-lit night sky, I know Mama's watching because the stars are dancing and the moon is smiling, and for the first time in a long time, I'm happy.
Author notes
I just wrote this after a LONG time of writer's block. Any help or ideas or comments?
A contest entry
- This is a little random... by Taylor Renee.
130 points, ended April 8, 2007, 97 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - this is for guys....sorry girls! UPDATED!! GIRLS TOO!>>>>> by Taylor Renee.
100 points, ended May 24, 2007, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 9 of 9
-
wow this is really terrific. it was so sad im almost crying. could you tell me something? about how old had you meant the kid to be when he was still a kid growing up? jw. anyway, this was great. magnificent writing, great job. keep it up, finalist.
Tay
-
-
I hadn't thought of a specific age. In the beginning, he/she was young enough to think the world is a simple place. Through life experience, he/she began to mature and gain knowledge. Children of abuse have eyes that are not filled with innocence, but pain. The mother in this story tried to protect that naiveity, but after her death, the child's eyes were opened to the darkness of the world.
thanks for your response.
julia
-
-
The simplicity of this made it amazing.
It's a bit like Hemingway's style - simplistic sentences but full of meaning.
The only thing I would add is more sensory descriptions, so the reader can picture it more easily.
But all in all, I really liked it. =]
-
I like it, I like the way you wrote it, in a very simple style, yet it screams with underlying meanings.
Your descriptions are fantastic and I wonder if you could include a bit more detail into the surrounding area.
Overall very interesting
-
Good
The only thing I would change would be to try to develop the scenes and characters a bit more, but I liked the story.
Keep it up. -
Oh I liked this very much. You have a wonderful talent. Keep it up, I look forward to reading more.
-
good story. i like dialogue and it would be interesting to see what you could do with abit more dialogue. But i know it's not the story's nature to have dialogue. but if you try it would be interesting.
you should be friends with "Kyoku Luv" iif you already haven't. this is a great story and keep writing...I really love it.
thanks,lc2413 -
I like it!!! Actually...i LOVE it. So much emotion...and great details. I have to agree that it lacks details about the character, but the story rocks. Good luck in the contests!
~Aurora~
-
It was good. It had a lot of emotion in it, which I liked. There wasn't much character description, but it was still a great piece.
xoxo
Kelsey
Adding your comment:
1 - 9 of 9
