Each night she would dream the same dream. Asleep, yet awake, the same images would carve themselves into her mind. The vivid crimsons and scarlets would etch themselves onto her papier-mache skull. She would turn over and the word 'never' would force itself from between her gaping lips. She would draw in her breath with a faint gasp and turn again. Occasionally she would open her eyes, take in her surroundings and snap her eyelids shut with the force of a heavy storm.1
Author notes
Well, it is less than 500 words.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 12 of 12
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Lol, thanks.
Barbie. Xx
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yeah, I hope that you do write the next part, I wanna find out what happens. This is a great story ( well paragraph )... Thanks for sharing it and good luck in my contest
pinkwhite -
Lol, thanks. I shall try my best to finish this in a few weeks time. Barbie. Xx
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Hey there, thank you very much. I didn't want to detail the 'images in her mind' because I thought that it would detract from the atmosphere of tension that I was trying to create and, also, the lack of description creates a hook to keep the reader reading on beyond the first paragraph. Lol, I will try to finish this after my exams, which will all be over in a few weeks time. Barbie. Xx
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I love this, what is it she is dreaming about, or should I say having nightmares about, I do hope you are going to elaborate.........
Great write
take care
sanity.
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your description and imagery are delicious. i felt as if i was right there. 'She would turn over and the word 'never' would force itself from between her gaping lips. She would draw in her breath with a faint gasp and turn again.' my favorite lines, i loved the imagery and word choice you used in this. nice metaphor in that final line. in my opinion, the detail is so intense in this that it over shadows the action, or driving force and i don't get a sense how this is can be categorized just from reading the first paragraph. personally i would possibly add details about 'the images in her mind' that appear to haunt her so your reader gets a taste of what this is supposed to be about. i highly encourage you to finish this as you seem to really be on to something. keep writing
xo Pessimistic Optimism -
Thank you. Barbie. Xx
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Beautiful and descriptive, intriguing start..
B -
Lol, cheers me dears. Caz. Xx
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woo
Nam will like the applauds I give you 
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Lol, why thank you very much. Barbie. Xx
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Chilling, dark and descriptive... I had to read it twice before I got all of it but that's not a bad thing at all.
'Asleep, yet awake, the same images would carve themselves into her mind.'
Wonderful, my favorite line in this. I hope you do write more of it one of these days, I'd love to read it.
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