I was sitting there curled in my blanket. Watching the flames in the fire twinkle against the wall. Snapping and crackling with fury. They jumped and shot everywhere. The fire was hot, and red with rage.1
The wind was ripping the trees outside, and the rain pounded on the rooftop like dancing men.I look outside, and see nothing but a black night. Clouded over with dark storm clouds. Slowly floating through the skies. The moon was full, and no stars twinkled tonight. 2
I was slowly falling asleep in my warm woven blanket..I could hear the whispers of the fire as I drifted in and out of sleep. Everything seems like a memory...As it drifts farther..and farther.3
I was standing there alone between rowes of cherry bushes...Hundreds and thousands of the ripe cherries piled onto the trees with such care. I slowly turned my head to the East. In the distance I saw a weaving road. It was dark, and in the distance I could see headlights. Running towards the lights I stumbled over the bushes of cherries..Tripping and falling over my feet I hurried toward the road. Lights came from the West..Faster and Faster the lights from the East and West hurried together.4
"Run faster," I thought. "Run! Run!"5
It was then I realised the lights were gone. All I could see was flames. Shooting and spirling everywhere. In a huge tangled knot.6
As I came to the flames I saw two cars weaved in amongst one another. I heard cries for help coming from somewhere. Squealing and crying could be heard.7
"Where are you," I screamed. "I can help you!! Where are you!?"8
The cries died.9
I awoke with a fright. 10
What was happening to me? I wondered. Where was I? 11
Days past and clouds floated by in a drift. Walking in a feild of cherry trees I thought about this dream I once had. In admiration I slowly walked over to one of the trees. Kneeling beside the stump, I managed to see a small grave inbetween bright yellow sunflowers and daisies. A small girls smile was placed upon the stone. "Alexis Rose" was her name. She was killed when she was 8. Her mother and her were riding in their car when a truck slammed into their Honda.12
This can't possibly be!?13
And as I sit awake with the fire cracking and twirling around me, I think of the fate of this small child. Her mother crying for someone to help her, and no one was there to comfort her. Dying in the flames of the mangled cars, and I did nothing but stare.14
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
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I wrote this after my cousin Alexis died...so it's a blur. I am sorry it sucks so much. I will fix it
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neutral
Ok who is Alexis Rose (other than my little cousin lol!)? I don't really understand this and I do have to agree with JustWords there needs to be...more...information. Who is this person and who is Alexis rose and does this dream have to do with her past? -
excellent
dude, great job, great imagery! -
don't touch it!
Beautiful! -
neutral
This has some very unusual and excellant imagery. It needs much work, both logically (the full moon and the clouds) and literary. You have very good potential. Take the time to read some of the old classics, and note the way they are written. I feel you could do some very good writing, as you improve. -
excellent
I dont think it s crap. It's very well written. Beautiful imagery. I really liked: 'Days passed and clouds floated by in a drift.' -
Okay...this is obvious CRAP!
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