She sat on the cold railing outside her house. There was a huge icicle right in front of her. She watched it melt, not blinking even once.
Drip.
Drip.
“Fourteen, fifteen...” she muttered under her breath.
Drip.
The door behind her opened. .
“Get in here. You’re going to freeze out here.” Said Mom.
“No.” the girl replied still staring.
Drip.
“Why?”
“‘Cause he promised to be here...”
“Face it! He’s gone, you cant bring him back.”
Drip
“I don’t care. I’m not coming inside.”
“Fine. Blame your father for your death.”
The door slammed. .
The icicle broke, falling and smashing.
Author notes
If its not obvious (forgive me im sleepy), the girls dad left her and she wants him back. The icicle broke because he was never coming back...btw thats ice and glass in the picture with a frog candle =)
~aurora~
A contest entry
- Write a story using exactly 100 words! by Jinxgirl.
155 points, ended March 17, 2007, 43 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Fool me! by Jennywinnie.
200 points, ended March 29, 2007, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - The Easy Fire and Ice by Frozen Fire Poet.
240 points, ended May 30, 2007, 12 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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I loved the last line.
It caught me from the beginning to the end. -
Whoa, Aura...intense emotion here. I felt terrible. My dad being away and all helps.
Poor girl...her mom sounds evil! XXD
Excellent for 100 words.
- HT
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This is a great story. I love the dialogue and the picture. One question, why did you choose an icicle or a cold day?
beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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This was good. But who promised to be there? Plus this could be a bit longer.
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how familiar this sounds. (i'm going through something similiar)
this is a wonderful piece except one sentence sort of didn't fit into the scenario. "fine blame your father, for your death." (i think it was the way it was written)
the only way i could picture it, was the death of her emotional side?!?!?
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Yeah...I still cant stop reading this...um...I'm going to let my mum read it on monday probably. She'll like it....
*reads one more time* -
Interesting...
I seriously don't know what to say about this. What a terrific job. I loved how you could delve into the characters. Good work. -
Sad
That's kinda sad how adults take out everything on their kids. It's probably because they're the closest person...
beginning: 2, language: 3, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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*sighs*
This is like my eighth time reading this story...but I cant help it. I love it. It's one of my favorites.
I guess I like it so much because of the meaning, about how the dad left. And also because of how you used the repeating of 'drip' and allowing the icicle become apart of the story.
I just adore this story...I just cant get over it.
Just thought I'd let you know of the obsession that I have with this... -
I like how to you allude to the sound, not just the visual scene! Great job, and thanks for entering my conest
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I've never read a story like it. It goes to say that I don't really like sad stories, I prefer dumb humour. Still, it go me thinking.
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this sounds familiar...hmm...lol
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ummm i mean to to put a crying face......
Also, I loved the dialogue.
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That was really cool. I loved the whole symbolic thing you had in it. Poor girl!
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This was awesome!! I love reading stuff like this...I loved this.
I completely got the whole concept thingy before I read the AN. I think that is obvious...at least for me it was.
Very good.
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ooo!
wow! i really don't know what to say but wow! one question though: when the icicle broke did it kill her? because that's what i was thinking as her mother says "fine blame ur father for ur death" in a sense it seems that that would happen. very nice!
~Netta~beginning: 3, language: 5, plot: 1, ending: 3, dialog: 4, characters: 3.
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i'm seriously liking... the repetition of "drip" added to this a lot. it's like a full time long story condensed into a short one, with lots of emotion. great jobL!
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Wow, I really like this. It's very well written.
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Kudos on the symbolism and simplicity of the story^^
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Very good I liked this very much Good job
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Wow...
Awww, Aura... this is sad! It's really good though! Love it!
s and 
s
~Kami
♠
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PS SWs counter is off.
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