‘Get the fucking gun outta of my face you moron!!’ Taz was high, her dad Grant was drunk. The gun was shaking in his grip while he sweated under the pressure. Taz just laughed and screamed at him.
This irritated Grant, her mood was grating on him. It was things like this he knew that made him wanna turn away and just pull the fucking trigger. You know just look away and squeeze.
BAM!
That would be it no more moods and no more violence, damn she would even be in a better place then his shit hole.
Okay on the count of three, Grant turned his head away and squeezed on the trigger. More laughter, damn the girl was mad he thought. Looking back she wasn’t whetee barrel was pointed.
‘I told you to move the fucking gun you arsehole. Im not even there.’ Taz laughed filled the room with noise as she danced around her drunken father Grant; he simply staggered and turned to point the gun at her again.
This to her was a fun game, a game were she was in control the one who fucked up the others head. This to her was all but a fun little game, she was like a little kid again, just a little kid playing with her dad.
‘Your turn!’
BAM!
The gun was in Taz’s hand as she danced around Grant.
Two now move and grab it back, stutter and stumble damn you shit you missed she was right there! Wait you have something, her arm. God why I am shaking just snap the bone.
CRACK!
Wouldn’t be the first time, no she was only ten then it was a mistake. No, no it wasn’t a mistake. It was her mood, it made him do it. She teased him. Thin and fragile god I can pull it off I know I can. Just squeeze, oh that feels good.
Not as good as it will sound.
Three.
SNAP!
‘WHAT THE FUCK!’ Taz was screaming, the sound oh those sweet sounds filling her mind, the drugs were quick and fulfilling. She could sing to that tune.
That laughing and the singing she just keeps it all up and coming. Yes, yes she does I know she does, this is that mood again. Gotta cancel out that mood. Back to the numbers I know I can, I can and I will I have to.
Wipe away that look, one.
Colours yes they form where the bone is broken I remember that. Colours of a rainbow. I can sing a rainbow; I can sing a fucking rainbow! I see it oh yes I see the gun she dropped it now. I know I can get it.
Two, step slow and sure but keep her in your sight you know you can just don’t look away. Stoop low pick it up and back again yes you little slut I am here and I am in control.
Control, yes I am in control.
‘I have the fucking god damn gunow you little bitch!’ Grant screamed out as he dove for her, yes he was close to her head again.
Moaning at the sensation of he being down like that, yes I have you on those dirty knees kneeling in dirty and bloody water. Oh yes blood in the water that is your blood and you can feel it soak through, trying to get back in you.
At the last number now I am aren’t I? Yes I am I can see it shining on your head were I am forcing the barrel of my gun.
MY GUN! Hear that you cannot have it and point it at my fucking head that is my job! My job! God dammit! Just feel it there coz I know you can, your face says it all.
That mood has run out and you know this time I am real, not just one of all your illusions I am here!!!
That laughing is gone with your smile and giggles so I know, god I can hear the echoes of that gun now it is gonna hollow out your head and I am gonna see right through you. Oh yes see right through you I will.
Three…
BAM!!
Laughing I can hear it again, where is it from? My mouth you fool it is my own. Her blood on my hands and face has made me laugh. And yes I was right I can see through her, that bullet left neat hole.
Now there is silence, I like this but it is empty. Hollow like her head spread out on the ground. Nothing left there to resound.
I am alone.
Author notes
No I am not sick in the head of this is what you think, or on a high of my own. I was just bored so yer...
A contest entry
- Im A Sick One With A Smile by Zaedyns Mommy.
125 points, ended March 21, 2007, 7 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I WILL READ ANYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! by Vietbabe909.
350 points, ended April 24, 2007, 72 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Turn the air blue! by The Racing Snake.
135 points, ended May 26, 2007, 6 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Better Now Than Never by Kevan.
125 points, ended September 1, 2007, 13 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I WAS BORN... by So Strange.
410 points, ended October 10, 2007, 13 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Two Days Only! Hit me with your best prewrite!!! by Princess Peaches.
111 points, ended April 28, 2008, 28 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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confused
It was really hard to follow because the paragraphs ran together a lot. Maybe if you had separated dialogue from the descriptions of the action it would've been better? The idea was interesting, though. Good imagination. -
Well, I think that this should be in the ADULT category, but I suppose most teens can handle it. Hell, I sure can. Anyway, though, I thought that this was really well written and I think that the flow and descriptions in this story were really good, too.
I think the story was really deep, the characters well done and also, I would like to read more of your writes as soon as this contest is judged.
But, however, I think you should capitalize and revise your grammar and spelling a bit, though.
Good luck in my contest! -
I had a hard time following this. I take it it was the thoughts of a sick person, hallucinating and insane. I wasn't sure if the shooting actually was happening, happened in the past, or was a product of the narrator's disturbed mind. It was, however, a disturbing piece on many levels and quite intriguing.
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Hmmm, kinda odd, but in a good way. I liked it, and it's emotions. It5 was good to read something like this.. comething different. Good luck.
-Kevan -
Pretty Good!
Mucho swearage with a great pace to the story.
Nice piece.
All the best.
jsdk -
Well, I was looking for more action..but I did like this..a lot..when you put not for the faint hearted..I became a bit faint hearted..I thought I was reading some unncessary crap..it wasn't so I'm happy for that..
Anyway, I liked this because it was really what I wanted(in a way)..this makes me think..forming little theories in my head..making a prologue before this of how this situation came to be..it was great and really there wasn't any action that made my heart beat wondering what was going to happen, but it made me think..so that works in my book.
Thanks for entering my contest -
Very detailed, and very interesting. Good luck in the contest.
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interesting....
thank you for entering my contest. the thing about your story is that it has some grammar errors. i was confused at first by who is Taz? her dad grant i got. so the intro didnt hook me to the story. i like a lot of detail in stories that i read. overall good story, thanks for entering!
beginning: 1, language: 1, plot: 3, ending: 1, dialog: 3, characters: 1.
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very good
A terrifying story with a mix of guns and drugs as father and daughter struggle for contol. I enjoyed reading. Thank you for entering my contest.
Robert Davidson. -
wow, as I have said to others this contest will be so hard to judge.
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omg
thats depressin shoit, hmm ebb.... i liked it.. baahahahaha hmnmmmmmmmmmmmmm luvs ya wify!!
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woww this scared me a little!
but good job writing this
you have an excellent imagination.
keep it up! -
wow. horrifying and nicely written. thanks for entering this in my contest! good luck!
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A few spelling errors that can be fixed with spell check.
Interesting, you seem to have put a lot of feeling in this write, did someone close to you go through this?
Well done!!!
~Princess~
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Sounds like you've been in this situation before.
Either that's excellent writing... Or we should be worried. -
You really captured the feelings of being on drugs with this. It's very disoriented and hard to follow, until you reach the end. Very good
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This is really good and the emotions are easily felt by the reader. Good job, friend!
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hehe cool love the start...wow its very good, interesting lol.you were right i did like it!
well done!
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