the Night Before the Suicide

THE NIGHT BEFORE THE SUICIDE

A Gothic Horror Story

By ROBERT DAVIDSON

I have killed myself and today I find myself attending my own funeral. But last night I went down to the morgue with the police and there I identified your body.

Electric light gives a certain grace to the dead! Those awful slabs with unknown corpses laid out side by side, such rigid forms so cold on marble slabs. Water distends a corpse grotesquely as parchment skin bloats the drowned girl I loved lying there before me. Your smile frozen, seemed to be mocking me - your stiff set lips ….

And then comes the moment in which I have gone through more than I have lived in years.

Heavy with emotion, I cry, ‘Life is very cruel and love the cruelest cut of all … If I could not have you, why then?’ - Last night standing by the river alone with you, I gripped your dress and your flesh with it. I made you face the darkening water. You didn’t think I’d do it! You didn’t think I’d push! But I stood there calmly watching you struggle in the water.

What should I have done with my love for you? Hate it, fear it, because it was too much for me? Such cruel stabs of pain love gives - I felt as though I stood on the very knife-edge of life as you sank into the river.

In all things human there is a shedding of tears as we struggle with each other for love And now in a dream scream, I burst my skin open, letting the blood run, as I open my throat with a knife.

As a ghost I stand by your grave as they lower your coffin into the ground. In all the searchings of my heart I have never felt more wounded, more broken, more alone Your last words to me as were keen as blade-thrusts. Now knowing my soul would never rest, I knew my defeat was complete.

Copyright 2006

http:www.robertdavidson.blogsource.com

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Comments

1 - 10 of 10

  • Thorn-on-the-Rose
    September 15, 2008

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    Good job. This was very touching, very sad, very emotional. I really enjoyed it, it was a good read, thank you for entering my contest, and good luck =DD

    -Dani


  • RedHearts
    June 14, 2008
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    Great work

    The starting of the story really pulled me in. This is short and a good write. Great description.


  • OkapiShomapi
    February 10, 2008

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    "I have killed myself and today I find myself"
    the 'myself' is repretitive. Reword, maybe?

    The first two sentences are nice though; they draw the reader in well.

    "Electric light gives a certain grace to the dead!"
    This exclamation point really dirupts the somber tone of the story. If I were you, I would replace it with a simple period.

    In the last paragraph, you missed a period between 'alone' and 'Your'.

    This is really good; I like it. It is a little long -- 300 words instead of fifty, but it's strong. To be honest, though, I think it could be really strong, too, if you used just the last two paragraphs. That way, it would be more mysterious, more emotional, and more impactful.

    I don't know -- like I said, I really like the story. I just feel it's a little long for the contest.

    Please message me if you make any changes!

    Thanks, and good luck.

    annye

  • Jinxgirl
    October 3, 2007
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    interesting... short but pointed. thanks for entering, this has a good tone to it.


  • Delfishie
    April 21, 2007

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    gothic-licious

    Have you ever read any original gothic fiction? I'm not talking about the Hot Topic/Black Mascara/Fuck-the-Institution kinda gothic, but the original Gothic literature movement started in the (1700s? 1800s?)? You know, where all of the characters behave in extremely melodramatic fashions and there are mysterious happenings and ancient curses and ghosts and damsels in distress and all sorts of things?

    This is totally a Gothic sort of piece. Your character is so over dramatic that I expected, mid-way, for him to clutch at his chest and scream, "I defy you, stars!" to the cold and empty night sky.

    But I really enjoy Gothic melodrama. I think it's great. In fact, if you could turn it up a notch and make it even MORE melodramatic, it'd be so awesome. I love that kinda thing (although, I bet, other people totally hate it. So maybe you shouldn't...)

    Anyway, great job! Thanks for entering my contest!


  • SageSyren Greeters member
    April 12, 2007

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    The detail in this was good. I liked the second paragraphs description. I would have liked to know more about the why though.
    Good luck
    ~*Brooke*~


  • RedTalon
    April 5, 2007

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    Interesting!!!

    I really liked how you delved into his mind and gave the story a very dark tone. Love can sometimes be crazy and cause people to do some crazy things. Great work with this.


  • April 3, 2007

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    very dark

    It's very dark. I could imagine the glow of life from her eyes to turn black lifeless stone objects.


  • nichtmich
    April 1, 2007

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    So Sad

    A lover's lilemma. Murder and suicide. I guess he is completely defeated not. He's destroyed what he loved and has nothing left to live for and no one to live for. I think if I killed someone I wouldn't want to live either


  • Oleander
    March 31, 2007
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    it is really creative and inspiring to me. great story.

1 - 10 of 10