"We're almost there Side Winder just a little bit further."2
"I don't think I can make it Night Rink I'm too tired."3
"You're going to make it whether you want to are not, Side Winder."4
"Okay Night Rink, for you I'll try."5
Night Rink6
We only went out to see what the council meeting was about; I knew it was late and the sun would rise pretty soon, but stupid little me forgot about day light savings time so the sun started rising an hour early. Now because of me Side winder is in the sick room. The sick room is a room of complete and total darkness; where our healer, Angel's Magic, heals those with mild case of touch of sunlight poisoning.7
The council meeting was held by a new organization this year called M.E.S. M.E.S is a secret organization assigned by the F.B.I to keep the Night Walker population a myth to the day walker world. 8
As you should recall, two years ago Manhattan Chemical Factory exploded. Well here is what you don't know; The F.B.I called it a state of emergency and said there was a bomb threat on New York City. Well what they called a bomb threat was actually the chemical plant going into a class five explosion.9
The F.B.I said every one was evacuated in time before the so called bomb hit. Well we were left behind, so that claim is a lie. Now since we were left behind we are a huge threat to the government because we are proof that it wasn't a bomb that destroyed half of Manhattan.10
Well M.E.S isn't here to keep us underground; they are here to experiment on us like lab rats, to determine exactly what made us this way and why only some of us survived the transformation. M.E.S is the Mutant Experimentation Squad. Since we, my people and I, are being hunted we are packing up camp and moving into the Leaky cave system under the Xavier Institute. 11
There we shall hide until we think it is safe to return to 41 East. However we are in a tight predicament; the sun is still up and will remain up until about seven o' clock this evening. So here we must wait.12
"Night Rink, Side Winder is going to be just fine the sunlight just barely hit his ankles. However he isn't going to be able to walk for some time."13
"That is fine, Angel's Magic, tonight Would you mind wait here with him while I take every one else to the Leaky cave system because I'll have to move him my self."14
"I would be most honored to Night Rink, but promise me that you won't forget about us no matter what should happen."15
"I promise you Angel's Magic that I will come back for you no matter where fate should take you; or may the sun take my soul."16
"Lighten see to it that every one gets some rest for me, we have a long journey tonight through the sewers to Rochester where we will meet up with the Leaky cave system."17
"Alright, Night Rink, I shall spread the word."18
"You should get some rest too, Night Rink, I'm the healer I'll stay with Side Winder."19
"Are you sure?"20
"Yes now go and sleep."21
3-12-1999 7:30 p.m.22
"Alright every one make sure you don't forget anything, pair up with someone so you have someone to keep you awake and occupied; now lets move out."23
We must have walked for about six hours before we finally reached the Leaky cave system. My people were setting up camp, I left in a hurry to make sure there was enough time for me to get Side Winder and Angel's Magic back with the rest of our family.24
I ran hastily through the sewers until I reached 41 East, only when I walked into the sick room Side Winder and Angel's Magic weren't there, but I turned around to find a bunch of agents armed and ready to fire. They were just about to pull their triggers, when a tall sickly looking man raised his hand and said,25
"Hold you fire men; it seems we have lost the Night Walkers but at least we got ourselves a constellation prize, the one that nourishes the little demons, Night Rink." 26
"You know", I said,"Darkness is very nippy it is amazing how much of the body will actually freeze in it."27
I summoned the coldest darkness that I could conjure and thrust it upon the M.E.S agents until the leader started begging for mercy saying,28
"Please please have mercy on us I beg you, I'll do any thing any thing please."29
"Give me my friends back you cowardly day walker."30
"I can't said the day walker slightly amused they have already been taken to the laboratory, you can join them if you want."31
I made the darkness colder and colder to the best of my strength until there lay before me an army of ice sickles. I must keep my promise to Angel's Magic, but in order to do that I ill need some help from my family; my Night Walkers.32
I ran back to the Leaky cave system where my reinforcements waited patiently for my return, unknowingly preparing for a battle that they did not yet know about.33
When I returned to my family and told thm the news they were so infuriated that Hell seemed pleasant; M.E.S didn't know what they got themselves into, but they were going to find out.34
Before we could find the M.E.S headquarters we had to pay a little visit to our old friends, the F.B.I. We ran so fast to downtown New York that all you could see was a small train of darkness. Thanks to our very helpful Dynamite, breaking into the F.B.I. was easier than cutting a wedding cake.35
The M.E.S. headquarters was located under the Statue Of Liberty, getting there would be the real challenge now because the sun was about to rise and waiting for it to go down again was not an option.36
I had an idea so I called on my friends Mystic and Houdini, the mischief twins, their abilities were like magic if they weren't night walkers, I'd swear they were warlocks. I thought perhaps they could combine my power with Transport, a teleporter, and Portal, a night walker with the power to create worm holes, to make a darkness teleportal that would allow us to walk in darkness right into the M.E.S facility.37
The two said a few words then boom we had our passage to M.E.S to save our friends.38
I went through the portal first to insure that it would be dark on the other end. Then the rest of my family followed me, except for the mischief twins because they have to keep the portal open. I told Lighten to stay behind to protect the mischief twins; mainly because he is strong willed but mostly because he is only nine.39
"Dynamite blow up this wall, Pause freeze frame those people, Wolf sniff out Angel's Magic and Side Winder"40
"Night Rink we need to hurry..."41
"Why Wolf?"42
"They are being moved to the infirmary and if they reach the infirmary we won't be able to save them."43
"Which way to the infirmary, Wolf?"44
"I don't know there are too many scents here; too many day walkers."45
"Thank you, Wolf; Cerebro can you get a fix on them?"46
"I can try, but no promises."47
"Okay guide me to them when you find them; Psionic stay with Cerebro make sure he isn't disturbed, the rest of you fan out they have got to be around here somewhere."48
Cerebro49
Night Rink they are in the observation deck on sub level two and they are hevaly guarded. Wait a second they are moving, Night Rink they coming up behind you....Night Rink think something answer me Night Rink."50
3-13-199951
Night Rink52
Where am I...Who are you?53
"Don't be alarmed, Night Rink, you really didn't expect to break into my facillity and not get caught; did you?"54
"Well yeah actually I did and you have caught me, but the question is how do you think you are going to keep me."55
"That doesn't matter now does......it; how how how did did you get out? What is that?"56
"Thanks Fade, I guess I should have told him that you can walk through every thing, right Fade?"57
"Well now, Night Rink, why would we do that?"58
"We wouldn't, now can you get me out of this cage please so we can find the rest of our family?"59
"Yes."60
M.E.S facility south wing holding pens61
"I hope Night Rink is okay."62
"We all do Side Winder; we all do."63
"Yeah I know, Angel's Magic, I just feel bad because he wouldn't be in the infirmary if he hadn't come looking for us."64
"He was just keeping his promise to us, Side Winder; just like a leader should do for his people."65
Fade66
The holding pens are on the south side of this level, but they are very heavily guarded on the outside. Side Winder and Angel's Magic are being held there with the rest of our family, thanks to you they are still alive.67
We can't fight our way through the guards alone so we are going to take a detour through a few walls and slip in with our family undetected.68
If all goes well Night Rink we can get to the portal with out any haste and hopefully Lighten is still keeping that electrostatic shield up, otherwise we will have to fight our way through that level as well.69
Night Rink70
Lighten has a shield up? I'm glad, now, that I left him with the mischief twins because if I didn't we would have to make another teleportal.71
Fade where are Cerebro and Psionic?72
Fade73
Cerebro and Psionic are with the mischief twins. After Cerebro lost contact with you he and Psionic let out a huge psychic sream into the guards minds, knocking them on concious.74
Since all the guards were immobilized they had enough time to run and alert Lighten and the mischief twins.75
Now they are safely protected behind Lighten's electrostatic shield. Grab on to my hand and don't let go unless you want to get stuck in between the walls.76
Night Rink in the holding pens77
Well I don't want to do that again. Everyone buddy up, Dynamite blow up that wall, and every one get ready to run. Fade is going to lead the way and every one try not to fall behind.78
Fade lead away.79
At the portal80
Every one through the teleportal, hurry; Dynamite when every one is through the teleportal I want you to blow this place up okay.81
"Okay I will."82
41 East83
Night Rink84
Come on Dynamite all you have to do is walk through the tunnel and blow the building up; where are you Dynamite?"85
"I'm right behind you and just let me say one thing M.E.S is history."86
"Oh thank you God; now lets get our stuff and bring it back home where we belong." 87
In a list
A contest entry
- Secret organisations by Elementalwolf.
100 points, ended March 18, 2007, 7 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - POST ME YOUR BEST STORY by robert davidson.
175 points, ended April 18, 2007, 10 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Fantasy Contest by Amelia-Anne-Black.
340 points, ended April 18, 2007, 22 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - To Our Darling Original Characters... by yumesandman.
500 points, ended April 2, 2007, 19 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Short story by my--i u--k i.
350 points, ended May 28, 2007, 14 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - What can your mind create? by LostShadow.
275 points, ended May 27, 2007, 34 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Contest for All - Big Points to win! by k3nny.
1250 points, ended June 16, 2007, 53 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Options!!! Pls Enter!!!!! by mydarlinghamburger.
175 points, ended June 13, 2007, 23 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Predator and Prey by Drakenwrite.
500 points, ended June 20, 2007, 11 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Watev!! by asthray.heart.
1100 points, ended June 20, 2007, 56 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Simple Originality by The Imagined.
550 points, ended August 16, 2007, 21 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and Everything by Frozen Angel.
225 points, ended November 8, 2007, 36 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - ANYTHING AT ALL, LOSERS! by Springs.
360 points, ended October 17, 2007, 45 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - The SW Classic MAKER!!!!!!! by Sunless Spirit.
120 points, ended November 23, 2007, 15 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - The Best of 2007! by whichcraft.
215 points, ended January 11, 2008, 14 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Chains unleashed! by Shiki.
1600 points, ended June 2, 2008, 57 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Sci-fi! by Ayesha Raees.
200 points, ended February 11, 2008, 12 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Ploop,Pleep ,and Blooble by Starlight-Kisses.
255 points, ended March 10, 2008, 23 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Ok firstly for joining my contest
I'm going to be harsher and more strict in contest so here goes.
This is a very interesting sci-fic story. Sounds a little alike like X-Men. But i believe this story can be improved. The powers were interesting! or rather unique Just that I think you shouldn't name the people by their skills cuz it gets confusing sometimes when I read it. Maybe not to yourself but to us yes LoL
One of the reason why Fantasy is hard to write because you have to describe it so well that the reader could visualize the picture or the events that you have in mind.
Overall a good work but could be improved
try seeing what you can "unconfuse" people with and do your best
the competition is fierce but stay strong
good luck

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well for starters I cannot understand science fiction at all...other than that my head is spinning because you had good pointers they were just alkl jumbled and mixed

good luck
Blair
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The story good, yet could have been better
I agree with whichcraft on this, your characters are very well defined, however, the grammar and shifts of p.o.v. left me feeling confused on some parts. Otherwise, good job!
DarkOne -
After reading your story, I figured that it was based on an escape attempt. The names of the characters appear to be comic type or super hero which may have been written for another contest.
There were a few errors in punctuation but I was able to read it through. I felt that the plot wasn't very strong, although you had defined characters. The story could have been more exciting.
Thanks for entering. -
There were spelling/grammar/punctuation errors, but I thought it was a pretty good story, especially for someone your age. Good job and thanks for entering my contest.
*Frozen Angel* -
There are some small grammatical errors, but this is good. It's a little hard to follow because of the way that the story shifts around. I'll have to read your other Night Walker stories soon.
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This was very hurried and confused, the reader gets lost easy.
Thanks for entering and goodluck.
Lady Madeline.
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Very Intresting
I really did like how this was written. Its a lightly different format then I'm used to. Normaly such format changes makes it difficult to read, but even so I found myself intrigued and -had- to keep reading.
There were parts that seemed a bit hurried, and some punctuation mistakes. Otherwise I'd say that you did a VERY good job.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 4.
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THis was confusing and a bit hurried... I got losty at times, especially as most of it is dialogue.
The colour of the font kind of hurt my eyes also..
Thnx for entering my contest
Good Luck
Frm MDH -
This was very good, i liked the characters in it. Some wonderful dialouge. very nicely pacted with dialouge.
Thanks for entering my contest and good luck
Keep up the great work
Em
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First off, it was very good.
I liked the characters, although one thing I would work on character development wise is flaws. For example, Night Rink doesn't seem to have any trouble with anything facing him- he always knows where to go, he can beat down any enemy, etc etc. Although I know he's nice and strong because of what he is, adding in a little weakness makes characters seem more human, and thus easier to relate with. Maybe he's got an allergy the bad guys manipulate? Maybe he's too risky and it gets him into a bad situation? That kind of thing.
What you really want to avoid in writing are "perfect characters" because, let's face it, there are no perfect people!
Also, there are a good deal of spelling/grammar mistakes. If you can try and run every piece through Word and then read it to yourself outloud. You'd be so shocked how much different a piece of writing can look after a little editting.
Still, it was an interesting story and has a lot of potential. ^_^beginning: 3, language: 2, plot: 3, ending: 2, dialog: 1, characters: 2.
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excellent
An exciting action-packed story, although I had some difficulty in working out what was going on at times. But I enjoyed reading. Thank you for entering my contest.
Robert Davidson. -
pretty good.
Thanks for joining my contest.
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i loved.loved it
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not bad
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Wow. I think this was better than the one before it I read. Great job
I liked it.
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REALlY REALLY AWSOME But BETTER
This is great!!! I'm sure that soon you will have another trophy added to your your collection... It's great!!! I can hardly wait for more... Please notify me straight away when you do. All the best and really good luck. It is going to be a hard story to beat... See ya and good luck again!!!
L C Carybeginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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REALlY REALLY AWSOME
WOW. You have a huge chance of winning my competition... It's great it's awsome and i could keep listing until i die... I really really really really really like it.
I can hardly wait for the second bit. please notify straight away when you do write it...
Really good luck and may the best mann win...
L C Carybeginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

















