Beep! Beep! Be-!
I hit the snooze alarm on my radio and knew it was time to get up and begin my morning routine.
Shower.
Dress.
Coffee.
More Coffee.
Grab keys and go.
I drove down the block noticing how whenever I passed someone, they always seemed to rush back inside. I made it to the parking lot and parked my car. I walked into my office and just as I sat down, my boss and best friend since high school of whom I am completely head-over-heels for walks in with his dashing smile and his deep set eyes with dark hair.
"Hey James. What's up?" I say trying to be cool.
"Hey Kait. I need you to do me a favor, okay?" He said with that sexy voice of his.
"Anything." I breathe.
"I need you to come to dinner with me tonight. Is that okay?"
I almost had a heart-attack and nodded.
After work I rushed home and did my date routine.
Shower.
Make-up.
I pick out the perfect red dress that's just above my knee and heels to match. I fix my hair to make it perfect and take one last glance in the mirror.
Perfect.
I make it to the restaurant in record time and I ask for the table where my boss is sitting and as I approach I realize that he is not alone. A beautiful blond is with him and she has looks to kill. I make it to the table and he stands up giving me a small hug.
"Kait. This is my fiance. I wanted you to be the first to know that we're engaged!" He said smiling.
Fiance? I didn't even know he was engaged.
This was going to be a long night.
A contest entry
- This is a little random... by Taylor Renee.
130 points, ended April 8, 2007, 97 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - write a love poem/story....with a twist! by Taylor Renee.
130 points, ended April 1, 2007, 14 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - ALOT LIKE LOVE by Melli.
120 points, ended April 4, 2007, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - realistic by LostSoulOfRage.
199 points, ended April 20, 2007, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Give me something good to read 2 by illegalfairy.
400 points, ended April 17, 2007, 37 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Got some suggestions for me?
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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wow!! poor gurl!! she must have thought that it was a date with him.... man!! i love it already... you pulled my mind to want more! lolx... "TO WANT" Get it? lolx.. sorry...
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I really liked this. Great start! but it feels like you're going so fast through it, maybe that's what you want anyway...I really like this and want to hear more
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This was a good start to a story. I feel bad for kait cause i know how it feels to have your hopes taken from you like that. I liked the way you have this written. Good job and thank you for entering the contest.
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Nice start...
Good start... So sad that Kait's hopes were dashed so thouroughly like that. I am going on to Part 2 in hopes that there is good reason - although no reason could be good enough in her mind, I'm sure.
The story moves along quickly. I especially like your quick, punchy technique with the one or two word sentences;
"Shower.
Dress.
Coffee.
More Coffee.
Grab keys and go."
Poetic license in its truest form. I tend to write that way as well. It keeps things clean, and the reader doesn't really need more to get the ideas across. This shows good writing style and that comes with experience - or, a lot of time spent at the computer. Okay, I'm off to part 2 now....
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 3.
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thnx for entering and im so srry for the late comment.
wow this was really good. i think you just need to give more deatils to back up your story. other than that this was a wonderful story.
good luck and keep up the amzaing work.
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Its a good start, I think, but you really need to add more detail. Is there a chapter 2?
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yes and I'm working on more!!
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This could have a bit more detail for my taste but I do like the story that you're telling and, for the most part, the way that you're telling it. I especially like the quick, easy flow in the storyline that you've accomplished.
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ooooh this was reallt good!! i loved it the plot was great! write more! thans for entering!!
Tay -
Ohhhhhhhh wow I want to read more... nice job! It's a great twist at the end.
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Welcome to StoryWrite
Nice twist to the end of the story that wasn't quite expected. I think you could add a bit more detail, but you might want to simply write additional installments to the story to fill in details too. It left me wanting more, so that is a good sign.
Keep writing and once more, welcome to SW. -
I HATE MORNINGS TOO!
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Aww thats so sad! I would die if that happened to me! But its also quite funny...I know, Im so evil!
I just spotted one mistake! [eek!]
Try putting commas in your sentences where they are needed. You put some in but you missed some out...
For example:
"...my boss and best friend since high school of whom Im completely head-over-heels for walks in..."
It makes more sense if you put in a comma so it reads:
"...my boss and best friend since high school of whom Im completely head-over-heels for, walks in..."
But what you wrote is still correct!
Anyhoo, great story, keep em coming!
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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