Healing

I found three quotes in the last six months, that really struck me as true.

'You only find what you're looking for when you aren't looking for it'

I started off the new college year with one promise- That i wasn't going to have anything to do with boys. Within three weeks of this, someone appeared on my doorstep.

It was an innocent night at college. Nothing planned, walked around making new friends.

Someone was sat on the benches with a few of my friends. I was introduced to Disco Dave. Cheesy I thought, didn't give him a second glance.

He sat with me and friends watching a film. I next to him. He said the funniest things. He looked me in the eye when we spoke, he gave me a massage. Friendly of course.

A week later he had my number. Texts where friendly with honest intent- 'howr u hun, coll ok? tb lvya xxx'

Nothing to bet your hand on.

I go out into York the wednesday after. He's there. A smile, and a glance held much to long to be fleeting.

I want to go home. He takes me back to college, and we share a room. I'm glad I wanted to go home.

He invites me to the cinema the next saturday. We see Little Miss Sunshine. But in all honesty, we're waiting until it finishes, so we can stand in each other's arms and chat.

Outside and me stand in each others arms and chat. Smile. Kiss. Laugh. Then he says to me 'Are we official?'

Yes.

Oh yes...

'What you need is for something to sweep you off your feet and catch you before you hit the ground'

Not two weeks later I get the message 'I can't believe how much I've fallen for you' and my heart skips a beat. I reciprocate.

He stays at college with me the next week. 'I love you. I've never said that to anyone face to face before' and my heart skips a beat. I reciprocate.

I wake up sweating. A nightmare stills echos a cruel laugh as a steady my breathing. He sits up beside me 'It's ok baby, it's ok, it was just a dream' Arms around me, lays me back down and kisses my forehead. He knows what I was dreaming. He watches me fall asleep before he closes his eyes.

'Being in love is like walking a tight rope. If you're really lucky you get across. But if you're really, REALLY lucky, you fall off-

And you fly'

I open the back gate. He stands there staring. Then walks in. After four weeks of arguments, tears and awful words, we are finally face to face. A tear falls down his cheek. He looks me in the eye until the moment his face is pressed against mine.

'I'm so sorry'

I hold him close.

And I don't let go.

He follows me into the house. His hand in mine. He sits on the sofa and looks up at me.

I sit down.

His arms wrap around me as my arms encircle his chest. He kisses the top of my head, my cheek, my nose.

I laugh, and his eyes crinkle in a smile so sweet I look and stare.

And he kisses me. A sweet, simple kiss, but the best yet.

We part, he's still holding me, he says 'I love you' My heart skips a beat. I reciprocate.

I say

'I love you too'

And we lay there, in each others arms, we chat, smile, kiss, laugh

And dream.

With each other.

I learnt that you find what you're looking for when you aren't looking. That it will knock you off your feet and catch you before you feel the cold, hard bite of the ground, and that it feels so much better to fly into space where nothing ends, than to merely cross the gap.

I have never felt like this. Nor has he. And we feel it together. As two individuals, bound by understanding.