My bare chest heaved as I stood above his still body. With my lungs burning I plunged the knife in one more time. Grunting, I twisted it with satisfaction. Each of my booted feet was planted on either side of his naked thighs as I crouched over him.
With a great deal of effort I pull out the stainless still blade with the wood handle and stare at it. I watch as the blood slid easily off the kitchen blade, to drip slowly onto the floor. On drip, two, three…A little half laugh, half shrug slipped out and I think to myself “wow, it really is stainless.” Laughter ripples just under the surface.
I feel my fingers grow numb, starting at the tips and working its way towards my palm, and the knife clatters to the heard wood floor. I remember when we had installed the wood. It was raining that day and I had put on a pot of French Roast. We spent the day hyped up on caffeine, dirty and sweaty, but we had laughed and laughed. It had been a great day. And now that was over.
I fall back onto my rear, between his legs and bring my hands to my face. The floor beneath my naked flesh was cold and unforgiving and I shift my weight to find a more comfortable position. I cover my mouth as a hysterical laugh bubbles through my fingers. I stay in that spot for a while, rocking back and forth.
My tongue flickers out as the laughter slows and I taste copper and salt. With tears streaming down my face I pull my hands away from my mouth. It was then that I notice the blood. It was drying in my knuckles and between my fingers. It cracks when I flex my hands. I turn them over to study them.
I look up at Mitch and I see that the blood has pooled around his back and has spread out around him. In the candlelight I can see his black hair shinning and his pale face staring at nothing. No breath escapes his full lips and I can see that they are turning blue. They were once so red and rich.
Desperation creeps into my thoughts and I scramble back, leaving a smeared trail, until I hit the wall with my back.
“Oh no, no, no! I wail as I clench my fists and hit the floor repeatedly.
Outside I can hear the sirens growing near and the dogs howling, following the procession of vehicles.
And I just sit here whispering, “I wish I may, I wish I might have this wish I wish tonight.”
Author notes
??? Only the second time I tried anything like this. What do you think? Should I continue or trash it?
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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This was very intriguing. I usually pass by stories of such nature, but this caught my eye. The woman was seeking revenge- or, thats what it felt like to me. The "stainless" joke was a good one. Honestly, I have no negative feedback...the beginning, middle and end were all excellent in this story.
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I really enjoyed this story and would love to read more.
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http://storywrite.com/story/71921
That is the link to the full story. I hope you'll check it out. But I am glad that you enjoyed this one.
~*Brooke*~
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keep goin
i loved it. this is the kinda story's i love to read. it gets me going. and let me tell you. i would love to read more into it. as i did. i hope you add on to this. i loved it. wow. i haven't read anything like it in my life. and well i know most people would think it was a true story. and i know different. so are you going to keep going. i mean maybe we should team up and write a really good story. sometime. i will be back my membership is going to exspire. and i am really hoping to write with you someday. good job. honestly
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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I would love to write a story with you. And this one is finished. It's under 'I wish I may...' http://storywrite.com/story/71921 if you'd like to read all of it. I really should delete this one. Well I hope you like that one as much as you like this one.
~*Brooke*~
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definitely continue, this is very interesting and puzzling at the same time..
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I have this rewritten and added more but for some reason I chose to put it under a different title 'I wish I may I...'
If you'd to check out the completed version.
But thanks for reading this one and commenting.
~*Brooke*~
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pls continue
think this is a really good start I like your writting style and you have me wanting more
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Thanks and I almost have the next part done. I'm a really slow writer. lol
~*Brooke*~
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Continue, just need to pay a bit of attention to grammar and spelling in one or two sentences, otherwise very good
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I'm awful at spelling and grammar, but since being on this site it has improved. Thanks for reading and for commenting. I will get on those. lol
~*Brooke*~
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Ths is really good, good job!
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Thanks and thanks for reading.
~*Brooke*~
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this is a really great strat for something.
i only noticed a couple of typos and an unfinished quotation.
other than that, i really enjoyed the suspense that you built up until the very end when the character realizes what she's done. i think that was my favorite part of it.
definitely don't trash this! try some more, please! i can't wait to to get to know this character better and find out what's going to happen to her.
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I am always having typo's, no matter how many times I go through it. Oh well I will go through it again. Thank you for reading this and letting me know. I am thinking about going back to the morning on the next part to see why this happened.
Again thanks
~*Brooke*~
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Fantastic
By all means, please continue. I don't think anything at all should be changed. I look forward to reading your works in the future.
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Thanks for the kind words and the read. I am thinking about starting in the morning to see why this happened.
Again thanks
~*Brooke*~
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