Swirling, twirling
Floating to and fro
Hold on tight
Fluttering, shuttering
Dive bomb falling
Rising higher
Squeal with delight
Cresting
Rocking here and there
Smoothing out
Tiny hands crunch the side
What a ride?
To and fro
Floating
Landing softly
Kicking feet high-pitched squeak
Author notes
Just my view of a pixie's ride on a fallen leaf.
In a list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 26 of 26
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Nice descriptive imagery Brooke.
I definitely got the feeling of a leaf fluttering in the breeze. The mention of hands holding on and feet kicking gave it a touch of mystery, wondering just what was happening.
I'm glad you put it in the author note cause I was clueless as to what it meant.
I agree that this would be great accompanied with a drawing of a pixie holding on to a leaf. It would be perfect for a children's book.
Who says your not good at poetry? This has a nice flow throughout. I like how you kept the lines short to emphasis each movement. I really enjoyed it.
Greg
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Coming from you that means a lot. Thanks, but I still don't think I can write poetry
Again thanks
Brooke
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Aww!!! I imagined a kid blowing on a feather, not letting it fall and chasing it around, even near a stairway (that's why the hands are clenched, haha).
I love the image in this... during my first read (The description up there) and the actual (after I read your author's notes, and rereading the poem)
Methinks you should also draw it and have it on a children's book
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Thanks so much. I like that this got you thinking about something beside what I wrote
Good to see you around.
Brooke
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I can see this poem accompanying an illustration - perhaps in a children's book. It is light, joyful and brought a smile to my face.
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That's what I was thinking when I was riding it. That way it would show the pixie
Thanks for reading and enjoying
Brooke
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The poem has lots of energy, excitement, and a feeling of accomplishment.
Morning Brooke, I enjoyed this tender moment
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The poem has lots of energy, excitement, and a feeling of accomplishment.
Very descriptive and the words mesh so well they carry the ideas along smoothly.
That said, you know me when it comes too lyrical writing
. I must honestly confess I hadn’t the foggiest notion of what it was about until I read your author note .
Such a delightful view, I do wish there was a way you could hint in the body of the poem what the reader is ‘seeing’ and enjoying.
Geri
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I've had more then one person say the same thing about making the pixie known earlier, but I just can't think of a way to do that without giving to much away.
I'm not good at poetry, but I try every once in a while. Thanks for reading and if I ever get serious about poetry than your suggestion will be helpful
Thanks again.
Brooke
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Excellent
Hi Brooke,
Loved this poem. The words are lovely and powerful. You did a great job. I enjoyed reading this piece.
Lynnbeginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Thanks Lynn, I don't usually write poems. I think they are too personal to share. But I love writing sweet ones.
Again thanks for reading.
Brooke
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Hello Brooke! I hadn't read any of your poems. This I like very, very much! Very descriptive. Thank you.
Anaya Roma
beginning: 5, language: 5, ending: 5.
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hm. another nature poem eh? good imagery. this was short and sweet! gj.
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Not all of them are sweet. Although I don't think I've posted my 'I hate motherhood poem' That's not what its called but you get the point.
Thanks for reading this one too.
Brooke
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Oh wow...I would really think that would be how it went...riding on a falling leaf sounds like fun. Nice job here ^.^
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Wow! You've been busy reading my stuff. I'm very flattered.
Thanks for reading this and I just love to watch the leaves gently glide down in the autumn and I thought to myself why not put a rider on there. So there you go, my fallens journey.
Again thanks for reading and commenting.
~*Brooke*~
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i'm not sure the 'what a ride?' needs a question mark.
this has a bounding energy to it. it seems to be floating upwards on streams of wonderous amazement instead of falling gracefully towards the ground. i think this would benefit from having less line breaks, and organising it into one block. or even formatting it so that the words resembled the faling leaves. but that's just me, haha.
nice read. delightful.
Ed -
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In general I don't write peotry so any feedback is greatly apprectiated. And I'll think about it.
Thanks for reading and for commenting.
~*Brooke*~
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Nice!
Hey, I really enjoyed this. I was going over your page, wondering if you knew how to write a poem. By golly, you sure do! I really liked what this was about...and I liked the flow before I knew what it was about. Great work! -
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I really can't write poetry...I try but it sounds great in the head but comes out...well OK. But thank you for the kind words.
~*Brooke*~
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Very descriptive, in a fun, silly sort of way. One can imagine this downward journey, given the clarity in which you've presented it. I'll admit I didn't know what you referring to until i read the Author notes. If only we had a pixie to verify...Excellent. Keep up the good work.
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Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on this. the pixie stayed hinded until the end
~*Brooke*~
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Neat! It's cute, good job. I wasn't really sure what you were talking about but when I read your author's note it made sense.
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Glad you liked it and it was suppose to keep you guessing.
~*Brooke*~
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what a glorious little picture this paints! you make it sound like a lot of fun to be a happy little pixie. nice job!
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Thank you. I just love thinking about all those little guys and what fun they could find with things lying around.
Again thank you.
~*Brooke*~
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Such joy and fun. I can hear the giggles and the squeals of 'let's do it again'. Terror bombing squarrels and other mischeive...lol.
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