Starlight

Sabrina didn’t like the idea of love. Not really.1

It had always seemed more to her like an obligatory chore than a passionate expression. “I love you” is what you said to your parents, and to friends on certain, light-hearted occasions. In that summer, that short, unforgettable summer, Sabrina never expected that she would fall in love.2

But she did.3

The first week of camp was a haze in Sabrina’s memory. Everything she expected occurred in a neat, ordered manner: She was dropped off at her bunk, she got over her “negative attitude” (as described by her mother), she met some people she would forget and some people she would always remember, and she sat through the occasional rainy day wondering what her friends were doing back home.4

And it had been better than she had expected. She was happy to get away from the monotony of school, and camp had been a nice change of place. All in all, it was a good experience, and in this first week she had auditioned for and begun to memorize a play. Everything was going well.5

It was during the second week that she met him for the first time.6

At the end of the day, Sabrina was on her way back to her bunk. Curfew was ten minutes ago... But her counselors were lenient, which was a nice way of saying that they were both out “hooking up” with boys themselves. Sabrina wandered the paths, and hardly noticed the neatly kempt boy standing on the bridge.7

As she crossed it, Sabrina felt the bridge creak, and she slipped for a moment. She looked around, and then down… And then up at the stars. Infinite and eternal, silent and beautiful. When her gaze shifted back to where it had been a moment ago, he was there.8

The boy in front of her stood taut and erect, facing away from her and perhaps a few inches taller than Sabrina. His haircut was the kind of short, black one that schoolchildren got in the nineteen-fifties. In the darkness, Sabrina could see he was wearing a white T-Shirt and black pants. His hands were clasped behind his back as though he was surveying a battlefield, and turning around he said….9

“Careful there.”10

He had a voice like morphine, and a set of eyes that reminded Sabrina of the stars to a degree that was almost uncanny. Looking at him, she felt almost… Naked. As though he was dissecting her with his cold eyes, and he didn’t like what he saw. A little afraid and very much caught off guard, she responded with a friendly tint in her voice.11

“Thanks. I was trying to be, I guess I’m not too good at that. Being careful, I mean.” When it came to articulation, Sabrina sucked. This was how she always put it, and it was a highly accurate description. She now felt mildly embarrassed, and was ready to make an excuse about going back to her bunk. Still, something was drawing her to this boy…12

A warm smile cascaded across his face, and Sabrina began to feel comfortable in her new acquaintance’s presence. It looked as though he had been waiting to smile for a long, long time.13

“You’re not the only one. I hear this bridge has gotten a lot of people.”14

Sabrina returned a smile to him. It felt good to do so. She began to walk over to him… And fell flat across the slippery wood. A stream of curses and negativities exploded in her mind, with “clumsy idiot” prominent among them. She felt no splinters, but her knee ached…15

“Here.”16

And suddenly he was in front of her, one of his hands extended down to her level. She could now see his face fully, lit by the moon, and it was a mild and gentle one.17

“Thanks.” Gripping his hand tightly, Sabrina pulled herself up with his strong support. Soon, she was standing in front of him, and very close to his face…. She stepped back a little bit.18

“…Thanks,” she said again. Feeling awkward, she added “I’m Sabrina”.19

He nodded. “I’m… Alex.” The words dripped delicately from his lips, as though he was tasting them for the first time. Gently pulling her hand up (which Sabrina just realized Alex had never let go of), he shook it. Alex stared deeply into her eyes as he did this, and Sabrina no longer felt as though she was being dissected. She felt as though she was being embraced. Those eyes said: “Stay with me. Don’t leave. You belong here.” Pulling away from their affectionate hold, Sabrina decided it would be easier to look at the space between them.20

“…I need to get back to my bunk.” He did not let go of her hand.21

“Ok.” He didn’t even blink.22

So they walked.23

And as they traversed the camp, Sabrina began to get the strange feeling that she had not felt since her father was alive. She felt as though she was completely comfortable with Alex, completely safe. His eyes had seen all the pain and darkness of the universe, and he could protect her from it. She felt almost…. Comfortable.24

When they finally reached her bunk (the sounds of girlish chatter emanating from it), Sabrina just looked at him. He was an odd creature, this was true, and very quiet. But before she could ponder this any further, Alex did something odd. Once again, he lifted her hand up…. And he kissed it.25

“Good night, Sabrina.”26

His infinite smile seeped into his face, and a warm feeling exploded from within Sabrina and splattered across her. She smiled and nodded.27

“’Night.”28

She walked into her bunk.29

The following day passed, and Sabrina often found her mind wandering away from her activities and back to Alex. What about him was so peculiar? Why had she gotten the feelings she had? She cursed his eyes, and his smile, but knew that she very deeply wanted to see them again. And before dinner, she did.30

She was on her way to the cafeteria, and he was there. Alex was leaning very casually against a vending machine, and it wasn’t until Sabrina was very near to it that he appeared in the corner of her eye. She turned to him, trying not to let on that she was so happy to see him. He, in turn, went from looking contemplative and morose to almost cheery. Now that he was in full light, Sabrina could see that Alex was incredibly pale.31

“Good afternoon, Sabrina. Walking to the cafeteria?”32

It wasn’t as though she had a choice. It was time for dinner.33

“Yep. Rehearsal’s over.” He grinned, lightly.34

“Ah, acting. A beautiful and fractured mirror. And what would you have for dinner?” Alex was alluring…. But strange. He was speaking like a textbook. Sabrina shrugged.35

“Whatever they’re serving. That’s a nice vocabulary you got there. Where-”36

“And if you had a choice?” He had cut her off, but now she actually smiled a little. It seemed like a playful question… And he seemed like a playful boy, despite his oddities.37

“Sushi. With salmon.” Alex just nodded.38

Feeling fulfilled, Sabrina smiled and walked away. Perhaps it would usually be an awkward note to end a conversation on, but it wasn’t with him. There was a spring in her step the rest of the day, and she ate her dinner in silent peace. Much later, it would occur to her that Sabrina never once saw Alex eating in the cafeteria.39

The spring in Sabrina’s stepped stayed with her throughout the rest of the day, and soon enough, a starless night descended across the camp. Night followed. As usual, Sabrina was walking back to her bunk… And she wasn’t even remotely surprised to see Alex. This time he was perhaps a few buildings before the bridge at which Sabrina had seen him the night before, and he looked as though he was expecting her. Casual, as always.40

“May I accompany you?” The words dripped from his lips as effortlessly as water from a faucet.41

“Certainly, old chum.” She was mocking him, of course. Him and his huge vocabulary. He took her hand like a prince would, and they walked. The usual silence accompanied them, at first, but Alex soon broke it.42

“What do you think of time?” He said.43

“That was random,” responded Sabrina. Alex shrugged.44

“Will you answer?” 45

Sabrina thought for a moment.46

“It’s all right, I guess.” What a strange question. 47

“I see…” He said. There was another silence, but this time it was not comfortable. Feeling like she hadn’t spoken her piece, Sabrina chimed back in.48

“Well, y’know, what do you mean? I mean, most of the time it goes by too quick, and other times it’s too slow, but it’s not like there’s anything anybody can do about it. It’s ok. Who cares what I think of it?” She awaited a response, somewhere between curious and confused. Now he turned to look at her.49

“What you perceive is often far more important than what actually exists, Sabrina. Many have learned as much. And of all things, time is based only on perception.”50

Sabrina was puzzled, but also satisfied. She had never heard a perspective like his before, even if the question was completely off the ball. Maybe she should have inquired further as to where it came from… But Sabrina felt no need. 51

Soon they passed by a couple of junior counselors on a bench, making out. Their kisses were almost violent with their intensity, and Alex stared at them as they walked. Under his breath:52

“Disgusting creatures…” Sabrina looked at him.53

“I guess they’re a little over the top.”54

“I meant all of them.” 55

“Oh. Well they’re not all that bad,” said Sabrina, at a bit of a loss for words. She didn’t know if he meant counselors, those two, or teenagers in general. In any event, quiet descended upon both of them.56

As the two walked in silence for a little longer, Sabrina began to notice something strange. At first she could not pin point what it was, but she soon realized that there was absolutely no warmth coming off of Alex’s body. His hand was not clammy, but it didn’t emanate the normal human warmth that it should have. As if he were sensing this, Alex squeezed Sabrina’s hand tightly. Now the silence began to creep back into the realm of the awkward.57

Wanting to match Alex’s apparent sophistication, Sabrina tried to think of the deepest question she could muster. Her mind skipped past such topics as TV and popular music… Finally, she decided on:58

“What do you think is the best gift any person can get?”59

The infinite smile. She had passed whatever test he had set for her in his mind.60

“The greatest gift a person can receive… Is the chance to make a difference.” Sabrina considered this, and nodded.61

“You’re right. I was thinking something like inner peace, or maybe knowing what you’re purpose is… But I like that better.”62

Now they were at her bunk. For the second time, Alex gently kissed her hand and stared deeply into her eyes, his own eyes a murky abyss. They did not glisten tonight.63

“Goodnight, Sabrina.” He gave a slight, graceful bow, and Sabrina waved smiling.64

“Goodnight!”65

This time she stayed on her porch, and watched him walk off until he faded into the night.66

Three days passed lazily, moving particularly slowly for Sabrina because she did not see Alex once. The talk of the camp was that a high rise building in a nearby city had been bombed, and it was supposedly all over the news (which no camper had any access to). Sabrina felt much sympathy for the people involved, but no empathy at all. She chose not to concern herself with such matters, and spent most of her time with a new acquaintance by the name of Darius.67

Darius’ actual name was Paul, but Paul did not sound remotely like the type of name a vampire would have. Two years previously, Darius had been diagnosed with clinical depression. Having largely gotten over it, he had chosen to wear what negative feelings remained like he would a favorite suit. His clothes were all tight and black, and his face was sullen like that of an angry child. He desperately wished he was pale, but could not seem to shake the California-tan that plagued his skin. Darius’ strategy with girls was based largely on the aid of pity.68

For her part, Sabrina found herself attracted to Darius because he managed to maintain the illusion that he was mysterious. This was a quality that Alex was rich with, but Darius also had the help of being so pathetic that sympathy poured naturally from Sabrina toward him. On this night, Darius could no longer hold back his lust for her, and he planned to make his move.69

The two of them sat on a mostly secluded bench, at the edge of camp property. Darius and Sabrina had been talking for perhaps fifteen minutes now. Darius had the strange capability to steer almost any conversation topic toward the problems and miseries of his own life, and Sabrina now saw him as a sad creature that he wanted to be seen as. His face morose and his pants even tighter than usual, Darius moved closer to her.70

“I can’t seem to do anything right. My parents hate me, my grades always suck…” This was the climax of a long monologue Darius had been reciting. Sabrina cut him off.71

“Darius, you can’t b e so hard on yourself. You’re… A great person. There’s lots of people who like you.” Sabrina was struggling difficultly to be comforting without letting it appear that she had a crush on him. She did not. He was cute, true, but whiny and self centered.72

“Like who?” Darius moved in even closer. They’re faces were close, and Sabrina was very uncomfortable.73

“Like-“74

Darius kissed her deeply, and put his arm around her. When he came back up, Sabrina tried unsuccessfully to pull away from him.75

“Darius-“76

And now he moved back in, this time kissing for longer and pressing his body against hers. His tongue slipped into her mouth, until he finally relented. Sabrina now pushed at him, trying to get away.77

“Stop!”78

He was lost in the moment. He moved back in for a third time. Darius knew what she wanted…. While Sabrina, on the other hand, knew what she actually wanted, which was to get away from him as fast as possible. She felt used and disgusted, and tried to pull away as his tongue explored her mouth. She could not. His arm was supporting her back, and his body was pressed up against hers. Opening her eyes, Sabrina looked at the sky. It was filled with stars, and for the slightest moment, she was reminded of Alex. But she was soon pulled back to reality. 79

Reality was a tall, tan boy abusing her. As Darius’ hand reached up for her chest, Sabrina knew that her only hope would be to call for help… But she did not know how long it would be before she was free of this third, revolting kiss. And then, something strange happened.80

The summer wind stopped howling, the trees stopped creaking, and the distant chatter of wildlife and teenage voices fell silent.81

The world paused.82

That was exactly what it felt like. No sounds could be heard emitting from anywhere, and only the loathsome slurping of Darius’ kiss remained audible. And soon, even that quieted, as Darius looked up quizzically to see what had happened. Sabrina was confused and distracted, and didn’t bother to scream… Darius looked around. Sabrina stared directly in front of them, where Alex stood.83

He was perhaps ten feet away, and the fury of an angry universe projected from his face. He stared, legs apart and arms at his sides, at Sabrina and Darius’ forced embrace. Alex saw the look of fear and discomfort in her eyes, and the lust in his. Alex’s mouth opened, and now one new sound was added to the silence.84

“Leave her alone.”85

His voice was scary, and commanding. But Darius only stared.86

“Fuck you,” he retorted.87

And suddenly, there was sound again. Startlingly, the wind was back, and so were all the regular noises of the camp. The world was back… And it seethed in anger.88

“I said, leave her alone.”89

Until now, Darius had only felt contempt for this boy. He had ruined their “moment”, and his skin was pale in a way that Darius desired badly. But now, fear seeped through him as Darius realized that his heart was no longer beating. It was as if this boy’s words had frozen his body, or worse, turned it against him. Terrified, Darius pulled one hand away from Sabrina’s back and the other away from her breast, dropping her on the bench. He tried to scream, but no sound came out. And so Darius ran, his heart pumping blood once again by the time he was far, far away from Sabrina and Alex.90

Sabrina sat back up, slowly recomposing herself and wiping the saliva from her face. This was too much. She felt battered and numb, like someone had reached deep inside of her and taken her soul away. This pathetic, cruel, boy had abused her. And the only way Sabrina managed to escape was when Alex had stepped in. Staring into a vast abyss that only she could see, Sabrina wept silently.91

Ten feet and a universe away, Alex watched. His eyes were no longer glaring with wrathful energy, or even emitting their usual cold glow. Lurking beneath that expanse of stars, that abyss of darkness… Sat compassion. Alex looked deeply bothered, as though he stood watching a train wreck that he knew he couldn’t stop. He stood, frozen, his eyes only gazing at Sabrina as if trapped in their sockets. Finally, Alex began to walk to her. 92

His every step was heavy, with duty, and when he finally sat down on the bench, everything was quiet except for Sabrina’s crying. Alex put his arms around her. He pulled close to her, and she buried herself in him.93

Twenty minutes later, they were back at Sabrina’s bunk. Under the moonlight they stood, and a new, unspoken trust resided deeply in both of them. For a moment, they just looked at one another. Finally:94

“Thank you,” said Sabrina. An infinite smile spread across Alex’s face.95

“Goodnight, Sabrina.” And then, for the third time that evening, something interesting occurred. But this occurrence wasn’t strange, or defiling, or even unexpected.96

Alex took a step closer to Sabrina, took her hand in his, and kissed her on the lips.97

And Sabrina was at peace.98

More walks. More conversations. More smiles. More kisses. More trust. More happiness.99

Two weeks later, Sabrina was just about certain she was in love with this strange boy named Alex. Since the night with Darius, they had found each other at least twice a day. Sabrina also learned some interesting things about him: His family traveled the world, and he had no permanent mailing address or phone number. She had switched out of a class to be with him, and at every meal Alex abandoned his own bunk and went to sit at Sabrina’s table. Every night the same, wonderful walk. For this time, it seemed to Sabrina that everything was brighter. The world was brighter, people were brighter, the stars were brighter… Even Alex’s eyes seemed brighter. He had remained stoic, true, but much of his initial coldness had shed. He was smiling far more, and once he had even laughed. Sabrina liked to think they’d had a good effect on one another.100

But, like the summer itself, such things were not to last.101

The end came on a night a few days before the conclusion of camp. Sabrina had been looking for Alex: It was time for their usual walk back to her bunk, and she couldn’t find him anywhere. She had checked all of their usual places… And it was certainly bright enough to see. There were so many stars in the sky it would have been hard to sleep. The glow they cast this night was eerie and cold, almost judgmental. And then: Standing in a secluded clearing of trees stood a boy. From behind, it looked like he was panting, and as he turned around, Sabrina knew it was Alex. But this was not the same Alex. He was angry and disturbed, his eyes practically glowing with intensity. Seeing him in this state, Sabrina was almost afraid. A small bag sat next to him.102

“Where’ve you been? What’s wrong?” Alex stared at her as if he were both desperately longing to be at her side and very, very sad to see her.103

“My… Parents do not think it is appropriate for me to be here. I must take my leave. Tonight”104

Sabrina’s heart dropped like an elephant weighed down by a ton of bricks. His words were flat, but she could feel that there was a rage hiding within them. Such a statement was strange, and she could not name any parents who would expect their child to leave so quickly. But she had heard stranger from him. As his words began to sink in, she grew passionate.105

“Well… The end of camp is in a few days. Can’t they just wait until then?!” Alex only shook his head. It was at that point she knew that there was nothing she cold do to stop him leaving. But desperately, Sabrina still tried.106

“Alex… I need you here. Please. You’ve made me so happy, you’ve made camp so great… Please. Please. Tell them no. Tell them it’s out of the question.”107

Alex stepped to her now, but didn’t respond. He took her hand in his, for what she felt would be the last time. His eyes peered at her.108

“Sabrina… Do you remember our first conversation? About the greatest gift a person can receive?109

Sabrina nodded. A tear dropped down her cheek.110

“I think you have made more of a difference than you will ever imagine.”111

He kissed her on the hand, the forehead, and then the lips.112

“Goodnight, Sabrina.” There was no doubt about it. His eyes were actually glowing.113

“Goodbye, Alex,” Sabrina managed through a somewhat cracked voice. Alex only shook his head, and he gave a brief smile. It wasn’t infinite, it was a regular smile. The kind she would expect on any of her friends.114

“No. Just goodnight.”115

Picking up his bag, Alex strolled into the darkness of the clearing. He looked back at Sabrina and waved, sinking into the shadows as he walked.116

The next few days were an emotionless blur. Sabrina’s friends were well aware of Alex, and did everything they could to comfort her, to little or no avail. Everything around her seemed empty: The people, the world, the music. She had put on the play she was in the night after Alex left, and received few compliments for her performance. And, of course, the stars did not seem anywhere near as bright.117

Sabrina only remembered one event at camp that occurred after Alex left. Sabrina’s bunk, as well as four others, had won bunk cleanup, and went on two aging yellow buses to see a movie. Sabrina remembered little of the movie itself: It served only as an amusing distraction from the current events of her life. What she remembered was the ride back. Perhaps half of a mile from the camp, the buses were stopped by the police and all of the campers were ferried by car back to their bunk. When they got back, the bunks that had went on the trip were the talk of the camp: Apparently, the bus company’s forms were not in order. There was something seriously wrong with the fuel line of each bus, and the owner of the company was arrested.118

Upon closer inspection, the fuel lines were not just poorly maintained, they were in lethal danger of exploding at any moment. The buses had been driving through thick mud, and for all intents and purposes, they should have blown. But they didn’t. In all likelihood, the trip should have concluded with 53 teenagers being incinerated in their rubber seats. But it didn’t. Some called it luck; others called it an act of God.119

In the back of her mind, Sabrina suspected otherwise.120

And all through her life, Sabrina knew that she would see Alex again. She was smart enough to connect the dots in her own mind… She knew he wasn’t normal. Perhaps he wasn’t even human. As she aged, Sabrina drew strange conclusions about who he was, or what he was. She went on to work for most of her life as a television producer. She married a charming and funny man who ultimately left her alone with one daughter, and the trials of single-motherhood took their toll on Sabrina’s morale and energy. And for thirty-three years, she never told anyone about Alex. Not her friends, not her husband, not her daughter. She could wait.121

On a morose, rainy day, Sabrina had finished a week’s grocery shopping. Starting the engine of her car, she looked in the mirror on the ceiling above the dashboard: The head in it had almost completely gray hair, and flesh that sagged. Her eyes were very tired. Sabrina knew that she was teetering from the realm of “middle aged” over to the realm of “old”, and this was an idea that deeply bothered her. Tucking such thoughts away, she pulled out of the parking lot and into the street. Sabrina hummed an old Tom Jones song as she wondered which item in the back of her car she should make for dinner. Such concerns would never come to be of any value, however.122

It was at this point that an SUV shot unexpectedly out of its driveway and hit Sabrina’s small car on the left. She clambered for the steering wheel as her vehicle went spinning out of control, her head bleeding because of the force of the impact. Desperately trying to turn the car around, Sabrina was slammed head first into her steering wheel…123

And then, something strange happened.124

Sabrina realized that the car was now suspended in the air, completely silent and unmoving. The glass of her windshield had shattered, and each shard hung perfectly in place. Sabrina reached up to touch her head: There was no longer any blood. Now aware of a new presence in the car, Sabrina slowly looked over to her left to see Alex in the passenger’s seat.125

The world paused.126

Alex looked exactly the same as he had thirty-three years ago: Same pale skin, same odd haircut, and the same bright eyes. For a while, they just looked at one another. 127

“Hello, Sabrina,” he said this with a voice as rich as she had always remembered. Now Sabrina was completely serene, strangely at peace with her surroundings. She understood who he was now, but she wasn’t ready just yet. Remembering the buses, and the last few days of camp, she said: 128

“You saved me.”129

Alex nodded.130

“Yes. But one could say that you did the same for me, as well. You let me see… Value, in ways I had not seen before.” Sabrina took a moment to consider this. Yes, perhaps she had. He smiled his infinite smile, and took her hand in his. 131

“Come with me Sabrina.”132

And now she smiled, too. Sabrina nodded, and Alex kissed her hand. When he looked back up, his eyes were glowing with white intensity, and everything else seemed to fade away against the bright lights that were now shining from Alex’s face. The light engulfed the car and the world, and Sabrina was at peace.133