From an ocean of blood she emerged.
She came in an exodus from the dark.
Her name was not known to any man, but in the dark, she was known as Lady Carnage.
Lord Carnage, or Lucifer if you will, did not approve of her departure.
But she left, and defied her 'husband'.
But he did not care much, he knew she needed some fun, so he didn't stop her.
Lucifer needed to keep her safe though, and sent his friend Leviathan to watch over her.
Both Leviathan and Lady Carnage had to enter earth in a place with bloodshed, and they both did.
"Drop the weapons!" Officer Callahan shouted into the room in front of him. Officer Hamilton and officer Jackson stood inches behind Callahan, all three with their guns drawn. Then, the guys inside the room started shooting. The first shot pierced Hamiltons shoulder, and he was thrown into the ground. Jackson and Callahan started shooting back, but could not see the ones they tried to hit. Hamilton managed to get up, and started shooting as well. Soon, they saw one of the men inside the room starting to run towards them with a shotgun. The man fired, and hit Jackson. Jackson flew a couple of feet, and when he landed, parts of his brain decorated the floor. But, in just a couple of seconds, Callahan and Hamilton had fired enough shots into the man with the shotgun, to kill an army. He much resembled a swiss-cheese, as he fell down to the ground.
Suddenly, the corpse of officer Jackson started moving. Not like he got up and walked away, but it started shaking. Hamilton and Callahan took cover, and watched their dead comrade. The corpse started shaking more and more, and suddenly, a hand emerged from it's back. "Oh my God!" Officer Hamilton cried, as he saw someone coming out of his dead friends body.
A woman, bloody and beautiful, crawled out of the body as it was torn apart. "God is not present" She said, as she tried to get some flesh out of her long brown hair. Both men aimed their guns at her. Hamilton pulled the trigger. In the same instant, someone grabbed his hand, and pushed it in Callahans direction. Callahan grabbed his chest, and fell down to the floor.
The man who was holding Hamiltons hand laughed, before he suddenly punched his hand into Hamiltons back, and out his stomach. Hamiltons eyes went white, and he gurgled his own blood as the man pulled out his hand, and threw Hamilton into the nearest wall.
"Leviathan" Said the bloody lady who had emerged from Jacksons corpse. She was dressed only in red, matching the blood on her skin perfectly. "So it's you Lucifer sendt to watch over me" She continued, and smiled at the other one. He was dressed in black, with bloodstains all over him. "Indeed it was" He said, and smiled back to the woman, as he wiped some blood off his goatee and then off his long black hair. "Wasn't there someone else in that room behind you?" the woman asked. The man started smiling again. "There was" He said, and licked some blood off his fingers. "Now, shall we go?" Asked the woman. "It's all up to you, Lady" Answered the man. "Call me Sanguine, while on earth" she said. The man nodded and smiled a wicked smile.
The opera was filled to the brim with people. All rich and sophisticated people from the city was gathered there. The people on stage sung with all their lungs, and the audience was amazed. Backstage stood two malicious creatures. All the stage-workers and waiting actors had been slain, leaving a mess of intestines and bodily fluids. The two guilty ones stood laughing, waiting for their time to enter the stage. "In this bloody battle, no-one can win!" Sung one of the actors on stage. "This is our cue!" Said Leviathan and reached his hand to Sanguine. Sanguine took it, and they walked onto the stage together.
The actors on stage frowned a bit, as they did not recognize the two who entered. The audience on the other hand, cheered and clapped. Leviathan led Sanguine dancing over the stage, before they both stopped in front of the main-actor. They looked him up and down, and walked as close as possible. He stood his ground, shaking. Sanguine leaned real close, and licked his lips. The man swallowed and shivered. Everything was quiet, the audience looked intrigued at the play. "No sad adieus" Said Leviathan, as he raised a prop dagger into the sky. Then he violently stabbed the dagger down into the actors chest. Leviathan dug his sharp nails and fingers into the chest, mimicking the effect of the dagger. The actors eyes widened and he fell onto his knees, then he fell forward in a perfect theatrical style. Leviathan pulled remaining bits of flesh from his fingers, and turned to Sanguine. The audience clapped and cheered for the dramatic play, but all actors on stage were terrified.
Suddenly, one of the actors ran towards the backstage. Sanguine moved with the speed of light, and stopped right in front of the terrified actress. "The only place you are going, is into the exquisite pain of the abyss" Said Sanguine, as she licked her own lips. Then she took the young actress' arm, and held it against her cheek. The actress was terrified, and was shaking like a leaf. "Relax" Sanguine said with a soothing voice, and kissed the actress. Then she took the hand of the actress, and stretched out the middle finger. Then, she violently broke the finger. The finger entered a position it was never meant to take. All the actors screamed, and the audience was confused, as they had not seen what Sanguine did. Sanguine pulled the hair of the actress she was holding, exposing her neck. Then, with a smooth movement, Sanguine slit the throat of the actress with her nails. The actress tried to scream, but only managed to squeak a bit, as her veins dried out. Sanguine was showered in the blood of the actress, and seemed to enjoy it. Now, the audience could see what was happening, and chaos broke loose.
Leviathan finished off the remaining actors before they fled the stage. He laughed as their blood filled the whole stage, like the oceans of his beloved abyss. Sanguine flew across the room, closing every door before any of the audience could leave. Leviathan approached a frightened couple, smiling friendly at them. "You didn't expect to die today, did you?" He asked in a gentle manner. Then he grabbed the torso of the man, and threw him up into the air. His girlfriend stood watching, crying. The man violently hit the roof, several hundred feet up, and fell down again like a stone. He was unlucky enough to hit the floor with his feet first. Both his feet broke in a sound that even made Leviathan twitch. His bones were shoved up into his body, and lead to his mouth becoming a fountain of blood and intestines. Leviathan smiled, as he grabbed the mans girlfriend. She cried and fought, but Leviathan only kept smiling. Then he leaned over her, and started kissing her neck. She fought against him, but seemed to enjoy it as well. Suddenly, he took a big bite of her neck. He swallowed the big chunk of flesh he had bitten off. The girl screamed, and grabbed her bleeding neck. Leviathan knew that she was going to die, so he threw her away, leaving her in immense pain and misery. At the other side of the room, Sanguine was also enjoying herself. She had caught a man crawling at the floor, trying not to be seen in the masses. Sanguine knelt down by his side, and grabbed his head. She smashed it with all her force down into the floor, making it crack. Blood dripped out of his ears, as his brain started floating out of the top of his fractured skull. In Sanguines eyes, the sight was beautiful, but a handful of people who saw it must have disagreed, as they started vomiting.
In the blink of an eye, Leviathan appeared behind the vomiting people. "Bad manners in front of a princess" He said, and started breaking off their heads. With his bare hands, he managed to rip off their heads, leaving a river of vomit and blood streaming out of their corpses. "Beautiful!" Said Sanguine, as she walked over to her next victim and smashed her fist through his head. Suddenly, the main door of the opera was blown open.
In came a squad armed swat-officers. The swat team fired into the air, and shouted that everyone had to get down. In a few moments, everyone besides Leviathan and Sanguine lay down at the floor. Both of them were bloody and sinister-looking, leaving no doubt that they were the killers. "It was fun princess" Said Leviathan and bowed before Sanguine. "I'll see you soon" Said Sanguine, and smiled to him. Then they started running against the swat team. Not in their lightning-fast way, but in the ordinary way. The swat team fired their guns, and tore them both apart. Blood and flesh filled the air as thousands of bullets pierced the two bodies. Sanguine was almost dissolved before hitting the ground, and Leviathan was decapitated by the bullets. The swat team stopped shooting, and the whole room became quiet as a grave.
"How was your day" Lucifer asked his beloved wife.
"Great fun" She answered, and gave her husband a kiss.
"Indeed" said Leviathan from behind them both.
"I'm glad" Lucifer said, and smiled.
"Perhaps I'll join you myself the next time" He said, and smiled a malicious smile at the thought.
Author notes
Just a story I wrote when I didn't have much else to do, hehe
A contest entry
- Chaotic Compulsions by Golden Guardian.
260 points, ended May 28, 2007, 7 entries
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Silver trophy winner
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Gold trophy winner
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Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 23 of 23
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I thought it was very nice. You do need to use shorter paragraphs though. And the dialogue needs work as well. Well, not the dialogue as in what they are saying, but how you write it. If that makes sense.
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Makes a lot of sense, I've always screwed up the dialogue-writing
But thanks for the comment 
And btw, I think I might have improved my writing, both in paragraphs and dialogue, feel free to check
Thanks
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A little lacking
Its a good short story, but the writing voice needs to be refined. From how it reads its like listening to somebody talk, with the "likes" and such.
A good idea and fun read. Thanks for entering! -
Nice and Gory
These are the kind of stories I like. Those where the bad guys tear everyone up and walk away without a scratch. They were healed of their wounds? If there had been a little sex, it would have been a perfect story. Thanks for entering.
Andy
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Thank you very much =D
Next time, I'll add a little sex =) Hehe =D
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Wow...I must say...this was definitely an original piece. I never would've thought that Lucifer ever married...not in a million years. Great work.
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Ty for entering the contest Drac this is good
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As I said before this is really good. Keep up the great work and good luck in the contest and thanks for entering.
Em -
Dude Drac you enter this in all the good contests...and always beat me! give me a chance mate I love your work keep writing!
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Demonic
*Holds Bilble as tightly as possible* Holy #%$@! Jaysus Christ! That was terrifiying! Very good,but know one will ever be a better writter than Steven King. All heil the King!
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There were some grammatical and spelling mistakes, other then that it was a thrilling read. Perhaps if you read through it and altered it a bit it would make it less awkward. I like how at the start Sanguine says God is not present because I believe it applies to all of the story....I hope to see a sequal!
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"From an ocean of blood she emerged." Great first sentence, immediately caught my attention. Maybe you could refer to this some more though, extend on it.
"He much resembled a swiss-cheese..." For me being such a sadistic person, this was humoress. Good work with the description in this whole paragraph, very fresh.
"The actors eyes widened and he fell onto his knees, then he fell forward in a perfect theatrical style." I would remove the 'then' made it feel a little bit awkward.
"Suddenly, one of the actors..." I would separate this long paragraph into two paragraphs at the start of this sentence.
"'The only place you are going, is into the exquisite pain of the abyss'" This is fabulous, you don't see or hear the word Abyss anymore and I think many people miss the whole concept of it but you used it perfectly, giving it a resounding meaning here. Fantastic.
"Then, she violently broke the finger." A bit of description on how she broke the finger would help. Also describe maybe the sound it would have made a the look ofthe actress's face. You could also change 'then' to 'smiling' make Sanguine seem a little more malicious and sadistic.
"Leviathan approached a frightened couple, smiling friendly at them. "You didn't expect to die today, did you?" He asked in a gentle manner." This is a truly beautiful sadistic manifestation of the mind. Great work.
"His bones were shoved up into his body..." I would rewrite this sentence and change the word 'shoved'. Try something such as...
'His broken bones were thrust up into his calf muscles, as his spine ricohetted into the man's brain from the immediate impact.'
Try to give the dramatic scenes and events more effect by describing exactly what would be happening.
"Suddenly, he took a big bite of her neck. He swallowed the big chunk of flesh he had bitten off. The girl screamed, and grabbed her bleeding neck."
This all seems a little awkward to me. Maybe don't say 'big bite', and add a little emotion or feeling into it. Like how much he would have enjoyed it. Also, when you say the girl grabbed her bleeding neck, also add some more action into it. I knew that if I had a portion of flesh ripped from my neck I would be sobbing, distraught and probably crumpling to the ground.
"...into the floor, making it crack." I would change it to 'causing it to crack'.
"Blood dripped out of his ears, as his brain started floating out of the top of his fractured skull." Beautiful, sickening yet beautiful. Great work with the description of it. Made me shiver at the thought.
"...and started breaking off their heads. With his bare hands, he managed to rip off their heads, leaving a river of vomit and blood streaming out of their corpses."
Try to make this into one sentence, i.e.
'... and started riping off their heads with his bare hands, leaving a river of vomit and blood in his wake.'
"Not in their lightning-fast way, but in the ordinary way." Another sentence that felt awkward. Try re-wording or re-ordering it. Give it an easier flow.
This is a wonderful story though it does somewhat fail to have a plot in a sense. Maybe to Sanguine it's just all in a day's work?
I love the way you make the protagonists make their victims seem faceless, very bitter and compelling.
This was thrilling and captivating, well worth reading though, like I mention before, there were a few awkward sentences and more description wouldn't go amiss either.
Overall, great work. Keep it up.
6.75/10 -
wow
This was pretty interesting. I was kinda hoping for some divine or mortal retribution towards those two immortal jerks, but the end turned out pretty interesting all the same.
Heh. I was really amused by what a considerate husband Lucifer turned out to be. Not only does he give his wife free reign over her entertainment, he also provides a bodyguard for her AND enquires about her day.
So in this world, HELL is the seat of good manners?
Lovely story, although....poor opera people! -
*shudder*
My stomach is turning from all of that description ...I liked it ..I could see everything that they did...still stomach churning. Bloody yet elegant.
LJ
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Great
i love your writing...great descriptive language that has a strong impact!
love the detail in your work...
Great Job!!!
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very Creepy!!! An exellent try.
very succssesfu -
Perhaps you'll join me next time? Ha, wonderful!
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OMG
*is glad she had eaten before reading this*
Graphic, very gore-y... wow x.x Mads, were you angry when you wrote this?
I.. shall remember not to make you angry EVER. 
I love the beginning... how you made me think this was something different.. and then.. wow, she CRAWLED out of a dead person!!! I LOVE IT! It reminded me of the Ring and the Grudge... and the carnage reminded me of Parasite Eve (when everyone started exloding during the opera ) - I know being reminded of things may not make you think yours is realistic, but trust me, those are VERY memorable videogames and movies for me the ending was... wow.. sent shivers down my spine *claps* you have scared me again...
Perhaps, you can write about Lucifer's day with Sanguine then? wah... I would love to read it Thanks so much for this, Mads! 
I REALLY ENJOYED!
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Hehe
Actually, I was not angry at all
hehe, wait until you see me angry...
You won't like me when I'm angry... hehe
(Just kidding )
Hehe, I am honored , hehe, thanks alot Rachel
I actually thought about writing the one with Lucifer and Sanguine, but... we'll see
Hehe, thanks for enjoying it -
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I thought I was first
Anyway... I'm a fan But.. You already know that!
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Damn... all my smilies seemes to have been eaten :/
And yeah, I know
Hehe, aww, thanks
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*giggle*
I'm sure it wasn't supposed to be funny, and I'm sure I'm slightly twisted for giggling through it, but when I saw the part about the actors on stage. . ..I had to laugh, they broke character horribly even when they first appeared. I like that. Oh, and you seem to mention intestines a lot. Maybe you should use the word "entrails" once in a while, or "organs". If you use one word too much, it gets redundant. *nod nod* Still, all in all, very enjoyable. -
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Hehe, glad you found it amusing
And yeah, I felt like using another word as well, but thought it might have been stupid changing the word, so I stuck with the same old
Perhaps I shall edit that part, thanks
And thanks for enjoying it as well
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