I lost track of you.
You loved me. Said you did, at least. You gave me kisses on my cheek, hickeys along my collarbone, bruises on my hips… and I lost you. I’ve searched and searched for the emails, the text messages, all those things you sent me full of promises, wishes, hopes that I could never send back to you, and yet somehow, they aren’t there. I’m beginning to think that I dreamed you. That you aren’t real at all, that you never were. You were always too perfect for my messy dreams.
I only have one photo left. All the others got thrown out along with the pieces of my shattered whispers and hollow heart. Your eyes are so bright, your lips so red, your face so… so perfect. Perfection. One of many things you had that I could never be, never get, never do.
When we first met, I was only young, but I thought everything of you. I thought roses grew in your footsteps, stars collided in your eyes, dreams, hopes, memories all came from you, you and you only. Now everything I have, everything I think, everything I feel is sprouted from whispers of you.
I draw you every day. The pictures line my walls, your face smiling, laughing, pouting down at me. At first I did it to never forget. Now I do it to keep you alive. Us alive. To let all those Utopias we created live on and on and on, to tell myself we will never die, because they will never die.
I don’t know how to bring you back. I’ve tried everything, but nothing works anymore. You’re never coming home. Because I lost you in one night of misty downpour, crashing stars, smudged eyeliner, broken scars. That’s all we ever were, sweetheart, and that’s all we are now.
My breath crystallises on windowpanes, reminding me that I’m still alive and breathing. Yet try as I might, I can’t get the nagging thoughts out of my head that are saying: “you’re not real. None of this is real”. Outside the sun rises and sets, telling me that the world will keep on spinning. But it all seems so hollow, empty, pointless, without you in it with me.
You told me we were forever, you told me we would last. And yet, here I am, lying on a bathroom floor, tracing hearts on the dirty tiles with my fingers, spelling out your name in the dust, writing love notes that you’ll never read in the condensation breathed over the mirror.
Cigarette smoke wisps around my head, the strands of nicotine and carbon pulling on the pure air, dirtying the tiled walls. You always moaned at me when I didn’t open a window. I would always apologise, apologise, apologise, promise never to do it again, buy cans of deodorant and spray them all around to get rid of the smell. But since you left, it hasn’t felt worth it. Now the stench of buried tears and late-night haunting thoughts follows me everywhere.
Now everything’s mixed up in my blood stream, all the hopes and the fears and dying expectations. I can’t think of your face anymore. I can barely see it. All I can think of is how I lost you, I lost you, I lost you. And I’ll never get you back. Because I lost you so, so long ago. And now, I don’t think I’ll never find you again.
If you were here, I know what you’d say. “It’s okay,” you’d promise, your words playing in your eyes and on your tongue, “everything will work out in the end”. And yet, as the world spins around me, I just can’t believe your words like I did before.
Author notes
Option three.
A contest entry
- Love..is such sweet sorrow.. by Arcularis.
175 points, ended March 12, 2007, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I'll Read Anything by Kitzwa.
200 points, ended April 7, 2007, 50 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Scary stories or sad stories that make me scream or cry! by Hopeh .
110 points, ended March 18, 2007, 19 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Clickyity Click! by asthray.heart.
450 points, ended April 27, 2007, 18 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Options!!! Pls Enter!!!!! by mydarlinghamburger.
175 points, ended June 13, 2007, 23 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Come in and see... by Kevan.
135 points, ended June 15, 2007, 13 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - If you're NOT from America! by Taylor Renee.
225 points, ended August 8, 2007, 33 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Write Me a Story by Stegofreak.
445 points, ended September 2, 2007, 65 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Just Enter... by On.Cue.
375 points, ended November 10, 2007, 59 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 37 of 37
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Which is a good thing, by the way...
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I don't know how to say this except to say that I could feel every emotion in there!
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Whoa
This is powerful and deep. I loved how you used the repetition to show how certain realization thought kind of things can drill and knock everything away. Anyway great work.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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This was so beautiful! I loved it.
I agree with Kevan, that paragraph was really well done.
Youre a spactacular (and I dont use that word often) writer, and the plot to this was great, too.
I can feel the emotions present
Awesome job.
Keep up the terrific work, and thans for entering!
xoxo
Tay
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"When we first met, I was only young, but I thought everything of you. I thought roses grew in your footsteps, stars collided in your eyes, dreams, hopes, memories all came from you, you and you only. Now everything I have, everything I think, everything I feel is sprouted from whispers of you."
This paragraph's my favourite.. it captures all the beauty of your writing in a few metaphorical sentences. I have to congratulate you on how well done this was, and wish you good luck in my contest. Thanks so much for the entry!
~Kevan!~
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I liked this...
Thanks for entering
Good Luck
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Wowow
This is amazing *instantly bookmarks for future 'easy-to-findness'*
It's poetic, lyrical... there are some really gorgeous images. Please write more like this!
It's dark and haunting. That's the best type of short story, because it makes the reader ask so many questions.
'Who are the characters? What happened?' And questions, darling girl, are the best part of writing.
-Jess xxx
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"When we first met, I was only young, but I thought everything of you. I thought roses grew in your footsteps, stars collided in your eyes"
Amazing line, this pulled me straight away and had me wanting to read more.
Thank you for entering this and good luck.
Lady Madeline.
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Great job - the descriptions were so well-done. The beginning seemed a little hesitant, but after that the "flow" really got going and was definitely relateable and caused a lot of visual images. Well done!
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WOWm that was heartfult and deep. Nice!
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Wow this story is really deep. It's very well written, and made me really depressed. (I'm thinking that's what you were going for though) I did find one spelling mistake however. In the second to last paragraph, I think you meant "I don't think I'll 'ever' find you again" rather than never. But that being said, it was an amazing story definatley worthy of being in the finals.
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glad you liked it. thanks for reading and double thanks for commenting.
megg♥
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wow... this story is very very... heartfelt and everything....
I wish I could write as deeply as you do... or do I?
Wow... I got sucked into your story and I got lost into the wormhole of the broken dreams and everything....
Tell me when you've written something else and I will gladly read it!!!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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this is definately great.. i can feel the sorrow!
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Very good quite excellent.
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Thank you, I love your dp bytheway! Thanks for commenting and smily-facing..
Noise&&Kisses♥♥
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really good
I enjoyed it very much, a great bit of writing flows along nicely.
My name for it would have been ...Paradise Lost.
beginning: 3, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.
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Glad you liked it, thanks for reading =]
Noise&&Kisses
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Wow, honestly that was awesome. Beautiful, intriguing. I loved this story, great job on it.
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Glad you liked it sweets, I really appreciate the comment.
Noise&&Kisses♥♥
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Give me my breath back....
...Because you just took my breath away
*just used a cheesy line on Omega* I couldn't help it! It seemed fitting.
OMG, OMEGA, have you FELT this??? Your words are so convincing, so believable... seemingly heartfelt, bordering on the raw emotions experienced in a failed love BUT trying to tone down the drastic-ness of the situation...
Your imageries and descriptions here were just.. wow. I love how you said that perfection bit - it IS something people wish to be, to have, to do... But... even if we have a "perfect" image of the "perfect" person, s/he would always be perfectly flawed like us
that makes us beautiful, I think (Like mosaic tiles or something )
The title matched the story so perfectly (I am overusing perfect, sorry x.x but it suits the story best). A dream-like beautiful love.. just turned.. completely sour. It happens to love... it dies, if not nurtured correctly - or if one person loves too much, and the other too little.
I love how you said you (the narator) drew to remember, to keep the relationship alive - sometimes people go that far to salvage what little warmth and memory they have I've done that too.
You made me remember my own broken-heartedness, especially the most recent one WHICH I may not have gotten over FULLY.. YET I'd hate to go on and on.. but wow.. this just roused so many sleeping "dragons" I REALLY ENJOYED reading this.. and I am now bookmarking it DO JOIN THE short story CONTEST! I will be rooting for you!!!
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Wow, thank you. You are soso awesome soda, ilyily for this comment. I haven't really felt this, but I watch a lot of movies, talk to a lot of ♥broken friends, read a lot of books.. and I'm pretty good at empathy for other people and their situations. So, yeah.. I tend to suck at writing from experience, other people's lives are just so much more interesting. I *will* enter the contest! I'm really glad you loved this so much, it means a lot to me sweets.
Noise&&Kisses♥♥ -
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You did a grrrrrreat job, methinks!!!!!!! and you did it by writing on second-hand (LOL) emotions IF you do write an experienced account ( a happy story I hope ) DO TELL ME! I would LOVE to read
*is now a fan* -
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Yay!! I have a fan!!! And I will =]
♥♥
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*eye twitches* The background is killing me.....
*cries*
I'm so sorry I didnt read sooner!! BUT I'm reading now!!!
No...wait...I read it already...x.x
Very good, I liked it very much!!
Cigarette smoke wisps around my head, the strands of nicotine and carbon pulling on the pure air, dirtying the tiled walls.
I liked that bit...I seem to like to write stuff about cigarette's even though I hate that people smoke them....they're bad for your lungs...x.x
I liked this though, it was good!!!
w00t!! Your an excellent writer lady!!!!
WHOOOO!!!!
Please excuse my insanity, I only got about 4-5 hours of sleep. I do not function well with lack of sleep....
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Lol, I understand entirely. The only thing keeping me awake today has been the fact that I have contact lenses in.. Cigarettes are baad. Thanks for commenting, even if it was REALLY REALLY REALLY LATE!! lol kidding, I don't mind.
Noise&&Kisses♥♥
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Me likey! I haven't been reading or writing lately but I just thought 'What the hell' and clicked on this and I'm so happy I did. It's amazing! These words drill deeper inside my skull with every scentence until when I reach the end everything seems hollow.....that's pretty fucking good....well as for a title....
Dying Expectations of The Perfection That is You
Stranded in Ashland
Deserecated, Disenchanted, and Denying That You're Gone
...I dunno....They aren't that good but whatever ya like babe.
Later Lovey
-Patience
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Thankyarr sweets. I think I'll probably call it "...and I'm beginning to think that I dreamed you." but thanks for the suggestions anyway, they were really helpful. Glad you liked it. =]
Noise&&Kisses♥♥
Also.. can I be a promote-head and ask you to read my new story, Kookaburra? I'd reareareally appreciate it.. but don't feel have to. If you don't, that's fine. But I'd love if you could. =] ♥♥
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I wuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuv it!!!! For a title...i dunno One Photo...or Track of You... The Lost Track...i dunno.
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Lost rack? LOL. Sorry. But HAH..
I love typos. Anyway. I quite like "...and I'm beginning to think I dreamed youyouyou." Or is that too poem-y? Maybe just "And I'm Beginning To Think I Dreamed You." Something like that.. -
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"And I'm Beginning To Think I Dreamed You." is good...i bit long though.
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Yeah, I guess, but.. I can't think of anything else... Ehh, oh well. I'll ask some other people what they think.
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I still thinl i'd be a good title. I suck with titles,sorry.
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Kay. Thanks =] I'll make it my *probably*.
Noise&&Kisses♥♥
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this was really nice I loved it good job keep up the good work andthiswill take you far very far well thank you for sharing this with us
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Thanks, glad you liked it. =]
Noise&&Kisses
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