Life & Love (blog)

No one reads these anywayyyy so time to rant a bit I guess or something. I don't know, I'm feeling kinda motivated to write something long a philosophical that is totally biased and inapplicable to your life. But it will make sense to be, so go play with your cat if you don't want to read it and enjoy being antisocial. Um k. Brace yourself.
So recently, I've been hearing a lot of sh*t about making sure your future is secure, blah blah blah, falling behind on preparations...Okay. STOP. If they're preparations, how can you possibly be falling behind?? Unless I'm stupid or something, that doesn't make much sense. Okay okay. Do well in life. Yes, the great american dream. Always strive for more. NO. If I'm happy its enough. If its enough I'm happy. If I'm happy with just enough, screw the desk job and the titles and the cars and your 3000 jewelry. I'd rather be a hobo than obsessed with buying an image of happiness. Mkay, so your spending all this time planning. Well, what about tomorrow. You blow off a lunch date you would have enjoyed for an extra planning period. Hm. Lunch...books...lunch...books...I don't know about you, but I'd pick the lunch. Oh and then the joys of society...what evil lurks in the hearts of men indeed. Evil of greed and obsession. I WANT OUT!!! F*ck the man! Give me Liberty or give me DEATH. Or neither, really, I'm quite fine alive, thank you. But please please please, give me love. Why do I need it? Why do we need love? Why does it drive us crazy when it moves in and leave us insane when it moves out and takes away any chance of sanity when we don't have it at all? Why love? To have a dark place, one must first see the light according to Plato and his The Allegory of the Cave. To know deprivation, one must see privilege. To feel hate, one must sense the lack of love. So why do I need it? I have more love than I could ever want at home. "Where are you going?!?! With who? When are you coming back??? Clean your room, damm*t!!! Please be careful. Now, you know that's a dumb thing to do..." Oh it could span years. Oh wait. It has! In The Allegory of the Cave, individualism and identity itself span from experience. Therefore, one could argue that one needs love to act out in love, and needs the lack to act out in hatred. Now, before I go all hippy on your *ss, lets consider that perfectly loved people live lives wrought with hatred. Why? Why does love have such a great impact on our lives? And if the love of today will effect the decisions of tomorrow, why am I skipping my lunch date to plan something I can't control? Every second is an opportunity. "Everyday is the first day of your new life. That is, with the exception of the day you die" I want to look at life that way. No, I want to live that way. Everyday, my choices shaped by the sh*t of yesterday. Starting over. And over. And over. I am no stranger to starting over. I've done it all my life. But you know. People look at me all the time when I tell them about me. Its the same look; I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Its the look. The one we get a funerals. The one we get after breakups and breakdowns. I feel you. I feel what you feel. Yes, we all have. And to some, my life looks like sh*t. But to me, I'm not doing so bad.I've seen better days, sure. But once said was "the years I spent happy were worth sh*t in the end. It was the years I trudged through, barely alive that made me who I am today" Well no kidding. The most immature people I know have never had to deal with sh*t. Its the sh*t that makes you someone instead of just anyone. Experience and individuality. Yeah, I'm just like you. I cry, I hurt, I lie, I joke, I smile and I hate. I love. The most important thing we will ever do. Love. I love. I love people. But why, why is it so hard to say? Not emotionally, when you feel it in every vein and every pore, its not painful to say. It just means so much when its meant. Its not three words, its three letters on my heart. Your initials. I love you says I won't forget you. Ever. Yeah, I'm just like you. Except, I'm a lot more like me. I think. I overanalyze. I always will. And right now, I want to know. Why can't I stop planning? Why can't I let fate take hold? Reasonably, of course, I'm not ignorant by far, and I know miracles are far and few between. But they happen. All the time, they happen. You just have to let them in your life. Stop planning, but why is it so hard? Because we, I, You, we do not like to think we can't control it. But we can, every second is a choice. Every choice engraves itself into you, it becomes part of you and all the sudden, you can reach back for it whenever you need it. Memories. A way of getting through. Write in lots of journals. The best advice I ever got. Write. Write a lot. Write as much as possible. You may be forgotten, but your words will ring in the ears of generations to come. Well I don't need it to ring in anybody's ears but my own. I WANT TO LIVE. I don't want to plan. I don't want to suffocate my dreams for reality. I want to be happy. And I want to love. I'm obviously totally insane. But I'm also lonely, and I want a guy who would sit here and read this, even if they didn't get it, just because. It's mine. And you know what? There's more than one person out there for me. I know that. I've learned, love means compromission. Sure, I'm mad now. But yesterday, you were the reason that beer is still closed. I want to say I love you every time I feel it. Please give me the courage to live by my mind not by my limitations. Your mind is the one place no one can touch. Your haven. Do with it what you will. But please grant you the courage to follow it always. I want to say it every time I feel it. "I am me. And I love you."