Lifeless Waters

Our bodies were dumped carelessly into the river.

“Oh,” one man said, noticing me, “a pretty one.”

“Fred,” the other man sighed, “she’s dead.”

I couldn’t hear the rest of the conversation. I was already being whisked away by the river.

“Argg,” I moaned, feeling rocks at my back. “I need to get out,” I began instructing myself, “Need—” I was muffled by a mouthful of water. I tried desperately to reach the surface, pushing at the lifeless bodies above. They didn’t budge. I looked around for an alternate escape route. I found none. After a few more seconds, I knew I’d be dead. I stopped thrashing around uselessly and sank to the bottom.

“What are you doing?” James cried, outraged.

I smiled, enjoying the sound of his voice.

“You can’t just give up,” my love continued as I silently thanked my imagination for the gift of his voice.

“Open your eyes,” he instructed. I did as I was told and saw a dead body turned over, facing me. His face was pale, his eyes lost. I wondered if his spirit was doomed to forever roam these waters. “Do you want to end up like me?” the corpse asked.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • EtherealButterfly
    March 16, 2007

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    HA HA IT ISSS AN ENTRY FOR MY CONTEST "LOOKING IN..." If you'd already entered when I wrote the previous comment, my apologies...I was on a roll for the gold.
    Now, about your story, this is highly intriguing and I'm curious about why the bodies were dumped in a river of death (dead) I hope you plan to continue this...especially since this is a cliffhanger. So, if you do write more, let me know because I'm dying to know if she gets out or ends up like her deceased lover. Good job!


    • travis34dietC
      March 20, 2007
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      nope, i only entered this in your contest after your comment
      really glad you liked this! i was thinking about continuing this..i'll let you know if i do!

  • dillpickle62
    March 10, 2007

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    WOW !

    So far I've read 2 shorts and I'll say you slam dunk the short ones. This one you ended perfectly and yes a strange ending but a darn good one. Your a pretty talented writer.

    beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • EtherealButterfly
    March 9, 2007
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    This sounds like it should be an entry in my contest...it's called "Looking in..."


  • Taylor Renee
    March 2, 2007

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    wow this was really nice writing....the plot line is pretty nice. id love to lean more. itd b cool if u did it from the guys pov!!! the murderer dude people!!!


  • Corey Bgwriter
    March 1, 2007

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    i liked it alot i like how she was struggling with herself at the end more then the water i hope u were going for that


  • Night-Rink
    February 27, 2007

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    wow i love your imagery this sounds like a good start to the story maybe you could write a prologue that explains why the river is full of lifeless bodies.

1 - 7 of 7