Dear Brenden, Life Sucks, Love Alice

Dear Brenden,

Have you ever had a moment where the whole world just seems to come to a stand-still? i mean, when life is going by around you in such a vacuum, it almost seems like you are standing in the hallways at school and no one can see that you need attention or something bad just might happen. But then you best friend in the world (who happens to be a chronic complainer) starts to complane at just the wrong time and suddenly you snap and turn to your friend and say something like:

"Shut up!"

or

"I don't care!"

Then life really sucks because your best friend just got snubbed by you but you just can't bring yourself to 1) say sorry to her or 2)explane to her that your life sucks right now and she needs to be there for you. but of course all she can talk about is this guy or that guy who she accedentally sayd something that she shouldn't have and now she's afraid that he'll think she's a loser so she moves on to another guy and pretty soon all you can say to her endless runnon sentence (with absolutly no punctuation at all) is something like 'yea' 'totally' 'sure' and eventually people realize you arn't actually listening; except for her who always thinks she and her fucked up boy life are the most important things ever and seriously, her ultimate goal in life is to get married and have kids. its okay and all, but how steriotypical is that: the perfect jewish mother to be there for the man of the house and give him whatever he wants when he wants it. seriously get a life.

And your really really close (id go so far as to call her one of your best friends) is going out with this guy who is totally inlove with her and worshipes the fucking ground she walks on, but she is only going out with him to get him to shut up because all he did before the relationship was complain about how hot she was and how much he liked her, that he might actually be in love with her. and you coached both of them through their miserable love life and he gets sick just when she wants to break up with him and seriously the only think that (and you know this for a fact) is keeping him going and from killing himself is the fact that he thinks he is going to come back from this with a girl he absolutly adores and he really is trying to make this relationship work and you haven;t the slightest why he picked the one girl who does;nt like him that way. He is really overprotective while she cant live being that overprotected because it would squash all of her individuality.

Then you run into your best guy-friend and get a ride home with him, and then end up staying over at his house for dinner. Then you two curl up on the couch in a totally dark room (except for the TV) and its a really funny movie. You just happen to glance at him in the "TV moonlight" and just get totally blown away by how hot he is. I mean hot not as in sexy (well...maybe I do) but also you just have a moment when you realize how he is exactly how you always imagined your perfect soul-mate to be. not the most hansomestist guy, but his personality just knocks you down.

But of course he shows you his room (you asked he didn't take the reins on that one) and it turns out its the perfect Potterybarn room and its just you and him and a Potterybarn bed (fluffy) with the sleak brown wood and curling head and foot boards and you think about it. And he's just standing there and he's waiting for your approval like a heeling dog. And you are looking-or rather trying not to look-like you would like to do so much more than just give your approval...maybe give yourself in the process, but then the little syblings call, and because your their favorite person of all time, you have to go down to their rooms and see them. the whole time the man of your dreams is standing, like, not even 2 inches from you, sometimes even has his hand on your waist or his whole arm around you. You are in high heaven all the way though the movie and after he makes you get up to turn of the VCR and TV, he lyes down on the couch and motions for you to come lye with him!!! You are totally thinking "Holy fuck!!! this is the fucking good life". Plus, and I know this is kinda a bitchy thing to say, but he isn't exactly the pauper here (rolling in dough).!! AHHHHHHH! Then the world doesn't seem so bad. But you arn't sure what he means so you hang back and he looks at you ands says, "Hey, once in a lifetime oppertunity here!" and you punch him. He punches you back and you go at it. nothing ever happens and now you know you should have just lied on the god-damn couch with him. Well, you can live in your 5 yearolds room with the white-walls and the wicker couch with the huge pile of stuffed animals...and his memory of his hand/arm around your waist.

But of course then you think of your boyfriend and the ex-best friend (the friendship went downhill when You asked Him out) and not only do you feel guilty about fantacizing about another guy that just happens to be your best guy friend, but also you have to worry that your ex-best will do something that will totally embarrsiss you. and there;s another guy who is inlove with you who also hangs with you and, yes, you have entertained the idea of a forbidden kiss or two, but then see him and the first thing you hear out of his mouth is "Hey, you Bitch, Slut, Whore" well that'll turn you right off and you realize that the tabooness of the whole situation is jsut as good for you because you'd 1)never live that down and 2) in reality he is a horibble person who would rather get you in bed than actually care about what you have to say. how fucked up is that?

And now you are sitting infront of the computer, writing and trying to get the gunk and random eyelashes out, while you think back on the weekend and realize its 12:24 and so its actually tomorrow that you wrote this but in reality it was today (I lost myself here).

Love forever and always,

Alice