It’s the first really hot day of the summer; and we are talking a real scorcher. Spirits are high and we are all tumbling out of school in the sweltering heat. We have been cooped up all day and it’s time to let off a bit of steam. After what has seemed like an eternal winter finally jumpers and coats are stripped off to reveal dazzling white flesh. Although at this moment I am unaware how much flesh I will reveal as the afternoon wears on.
We meet the guys at the end of the school drive, and needless to say under this newfound sun the mucking about and flirting begins almost straight away. So we are making our way down the street, we are jostling, pushing each other, there is a lot of physical contact. The girls are giggling. I suppose if we were monkeys; it would be termed as 'peer group bonding'. Which is what it is.
Annie and I take a long route home. We are reluctant to part from the rest of the group, basically were having too much fun. With hindsight it may have been better for my reputation if I had taken the short route. But to be honest I don’t really give a shit what people think of me.
Now we are nearing Jude’s house and she doesn’t want to be separated either. So she makes a suggestion, “Why not all come in and have coffee?” A cheer goes up among us and we take an immediate left turn and fall through her front door.
Her Mum looks kind of horrified when this gang of teenage girls and boys pile into her kitchen. But she’s cool and beats a tactful retreat into the other room. The guys are still play fighting. Jude lifts the kettle to fill it and puts it under the cold tap. That’s when it starts. Baz presses his finger to the nozzle of the cold tap and the icy water sprays straight up into Jude’s face. She retaliates by sloshing water out of the kettle she is holding all over his crotch. Then all hell breaks looses. Catching sight of this through the open door Jude’s horrified mother shouts, “Take it in the garden!” So we do.
Grabbing any receptacle we can find we just begin hurling large amounts of water at each other. We quickly and subconsciously seem to split into teams, boys versus girls. We take cover at different end of the garden and hurl water. This is when we realise our error; the boys have the hosepipe on their side.
They are quick to realise they have the advantage with ammunition, and soon we are standing there helplessly as the water rains down on us. The fight is over as quickly as it begins and both teams meet in the middle laughing and jostling and throwing any last drops of water we have. That’s when I overhear them. “Did you see her?” Baz whispered to Iggy.
“I saw something.” Giggled Iggy. “In fact I saw rather a lot!”
“She’s not wearing a…” Baz’s whisper was high pitched.
That’s when I realise my big mistake.
You see I’m not overly well endowed in the chest department. I mean I’m not a very big person so proportionally I’m correct, well, so I’m told anyway. But this means that unlike some women (who would be in agony) I don’t always feel the need to wear a bra. In fact sometime I just forget to put it on. Especially in cooler weather when I’m wearing a lot of other clothes, I mean lets face it no one will see under all those jumpers and coats and stuff. Except it’s warm and I’ve taken off my coat and my jumper. In fact I’m just wearing my nice white T-shirt; at least it was white before we started the water fight. Now it’s kind of translucent, and it’s kind of showing, everything!
And I’m trying to pretend I didn’t hear what they said whilst I’m searching desperately through the pile of belongings we just dumped as we came in. I’m trying to look for my jumper; whilst keeping my arms folded, to try and keep at least some of my dignity.
Annie’s watching me, “Are you alright Emmy?”
“Fine,” I shriek. If this gets out among the girls I will never live it down. I consciously lower my voice. “Fine, I’m just a bit cold, being wet and all!”
Luckily she accepts that and nods. I put my jumper on as quickly as possible, and sip on my coffee.
Baz and Iggy go back to wrestling with the other boys their cheap thrill is quickly forgotten, thankfully for me. Although as we leave Jude’s house to go our separate ways later that evening, Baz looks me straight in the eye knowingly, and waggles his eyebrows. “Night Emmy,” he grins. And Iggy gives me a lingering one armed hug (well more of a grapple), before he moves on his way.
From that point on I resolve to always wear a bra, no matter what the season!
Author notes
These pieces were inspired by the stories of my friends Jsdk and MDavid, although I know I'm nowhere near their league!
- Livin For Stories group list • next in list
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 11 of 11
-
very pleasing
-
NICE WORK!
It's refreshing to read a new view on life; see teens in action and get an insight to how they live a tiny part of life and how they might react and feel. Very nice. Did notice "we" a bit, but sure you can clean that up in next draft. Looking forward to more work.
-
-
Thanks for the read!
Yes, your not the only one to bring up the 'we' thing, but thanks for pointing it out. It's a while since I've been a teenager, so I'm glad you found it realistic.
Thanks again.
-
-
you use "I/we realized our big error/mistake" too much. Also, a few problems with a apostrophes.
Although at this moment I am unaware how much flesh I will reveal as the afternoon wears on.
^ no offense, but it sounds like you're setting up a porno here. Lol. sorry.
Other than that, this was pretty good, short, but good. -
-
Thanks for your comments!
I too noticed the overuse of certain phrases and i'ts something I will correct in a later draft.
I understand the porno thing, it was meant to be a hook, but perhaps it's too much.
And yeah, as well a working on my 'first person' I was also working on my flash fiction.
Thanks again for the comments, they are useful and appreciated.
Thanks. xx.
-
-
I love it!
I really like your story.
The use of language and your punchy sentances are excellent.
Spot on!
I do look forward to reading more of your stories, as everyone no matter their age, can always relate to them in some way and so raise a smile to brighten their day.
All the best and well written.
jsdk.
-
-
Thanks!
Thanks for taking the time to read. I appreciate it. I'm glad you liked it, I know there's stuff that need improving in it, but I'm still working on it.
Thanks again!
-
-
Start your own league
I can't speak for Jsdk but I'm a crazy old man so you sure don't want to join my league. I say start your own league and write out of what you know, develop your own style, write with conviction and passion for what you are saying, whether it is funny or serious and enjoy the moment.
Stories you write now are preparing you for the stories you will write later. All the while you will improve. So think of writing as a journey that will get better as time goes on.
This story? It is a good premise, a girls embarassment and leering nasty boys. Roberts Rules said that sometimes true stories fall a bit flat and when he asked the writers about it they said, they told it just like it happened. Roberts suggests that you do not HAVE to tell the truth like you are testifying, but adjust the facts for the sake of the story. To make this story more engaging, you could greatly exaggerate the girls embarassment, the amount that showed, the boys reactons, etc. If it was an embarasing afternoon, make it sound like a major emotional event.
-
-
Thankyou!
You are the second person to say to me that I might do better to write a 'story' rather than an 'event'. And that doctoring the facts could make it a lot more interesting.
This is the first time I've written something based on true events, and I'm realising that perhaps it's not my forte. This was a straight first draft with no revisions so I know it needs work.
I seem to be better at drawing hard characters than softer ones. Another area to work on perhaps?
Thanks again for the read.
-
-
< Excellent - Thanks
I only seem to be able to write in the third person - If that makes sense. This is why I wanted some practice at writing in the first person, but I'm really struggling with tense.
I seem to keep swapping from past the present and back while I'm writing without even noticing! And I hadn't even realised that sentence was 'tense forward' until you pointed it out, you see how much trouble I'm having.
I like the idea of exploring 'dangerous'feelings, I think I will work on that!
There is some great feedback here, thanks a lot for taking the time to read and comment.
Thanks again!
Adding your comment:
1 - 11 of 11
