republican

You would sing to me and smile, but the words were not meant for me. All the heartfelt things you said were never meant for me.

Sometimes you seem like two different people. One loving and committed, the other arrogant, still in love with Her, and only caring about yourself.

Did you pretend I was her when you held me? Your heart just wasn't in it. You only kissed me when we were alone. You only wanted one thing from me because you didn't really know me. Then I told you, and you listened. Neither one of us are going to get what we want. Because you want something, I won't give you, and I want what I have no right to take.

Now what? Now you know and your conscience kicks in.

You said the way I trembled was the most beautiful thing in the world, and it made me cry because it made everything wrong.

Holding me, trembling, you kissed me, and told me it was okay. Holding me, you told me I would never be loved. You tell me the truth, talk yourself in circles, tell me you could love me so easily. Holding me, you told me good-by. Now we are apart. But still you talk, kiss me, pull my hair, touch my face, try desperately to explain.

I pull away. You sigh, depressed. dammit. nothingness. no hope. nothing left to say.

"This isn't right either." Will you miss me?

"I'll see you again. I'll call you tomorrow." You say this with no conviction. it sounds empty. Hollow promises.

Liar. Can't be with you. Too attached to leave. Don't want to be without you.

"Say something"

"Nothing left to say, Won't change anything, will it?"

"Should I have said it, it would have happened anyway..."

Please. oh, say something. comfort me.

"No. It's probably best to say all this early."

"Neither of us is going to get what we want."You wanted to use me. God. oh, mean thoughts. I bite my tounge. Nothing I say will change him.

He's in love with her. not me. Call me when you get over her. No. I won't wait. I can't hurt myself. Can't hope. Dammit. I'm cute. You like me, you said so. We're alike. Have things in common. Good for one anther. I'm not like her. We're both republicans. we agree on things we were afraid we would argue over. Your hand fits in mine. I like the way you look. and I like to cuddle you. And I like the way you touch me.

You sing to me and smile, but the words aren't meant for me.

I'll read your book even if it makes me cry, and they'll be no meaning in it. I'll still listen to your music and come to all your shows, even if it makes me cry. I'll hug you when I see you and pretend that it's okay, even though you'll know. You'll know the truth, but we'll pretend it's okay, and we'll lie to one another.

But you'll know, and I'll know. And I'll tell you I loved your stupid book. Even though it made me cry, and every five pages I'll stop and think of that night and it'll make me never want to read again. And when I see you I'll wish you would have never told me the truth.

I'll leave the show early because I just can't take it. And you'll know why I left, you'll know, you'll watch me leave, and it'll break your heart. And maybe you'll go home by yourself, and in your bed, you'll find a long kinky brown strand of my hair, and you'll think of the night, that we both almost got what we wanted. Then, maybe, you'll cry too.