Giggles and Shag Carpet Kisses (Version 2)

I lean into kiss him and pull back exasperated as his giggles fill the air.

“What on earth could possibly possess you to giggle at this moment. “

“I can’t help it.” He gives me a pouty look and I absolutely melt. I jump into his ocean blue eyes and swim for what seems like ever. “Danner?”

“Sorry” I mumble, embarrassed. Here we lay, on the off colored shag carpeting of his basement. The same basement we’ve played video games in since we where twelve. I have my head on his chest, immersing myself in the comfort that surrounds us. His twin brother hurries around upstairs, sent for some stupid task that we only thought up to have time alone.

“What do you think Jax would think if he knew?” We’ve discussed telling him more times than I can count, but the event has yet to occur.

“Let’s not” He whispers to me and then drags his finger under my chin, feeling the stubble. I give in, of course. How could I not. Here is the boy, I am madly in love with, whispering things into my ear that make me blush worse than that awkward sex talk I was forced to have with my mum.

“Okay” I whisper leaning into kiss him. My lips lightly brush his and then pull back quickly, waiting for the giggles. They never come.

“Hey you. Come back here” He purrs and I immediately oblige. I trap my lips over his and press our bodies together. He moans and throws his arms around me, pulling us closer together. “I love you” he whispers into my ear and he gently bites at the lobe.

“I love you too, darling.” He smiles at the pet name and leans up to kiss me again. It’s funny how much you can love just one person. Especially a person you grew up with, a person you where in diapers with. We where running around naked together before we where dating. Ironic isn’t it?

The creak of the stairs lets us know that Jackson will soon appear and we pull apart regrettably.

“Hey guys. I found the pops. Why the hell where they in the bathroom?” Jackson sends Jasper a questioning look and we can only laugh and shrug. It could possibly be due to the fact that Jas and I hid them there so it would take Jackson a considerably longer time to find them. I steal a wink at Jasper and he winks back. Jackson shrugs and tosses us each a can of soda.

I watch as they start to fight, something stupid of course. They actually get along better than any siblings I know. Jackson and Jasper. It’s so hard to yell at them sometimes. One name blends into the other and I’m just the incoherent moron yelling at his two best friends.

I thank God for Jasper’s birthmark, placed seductively on his shoulder. Sometimes I wonder if I would be able to tell them apart. They both have that signature dark chocolate hair that hangs in their eyes, so blue. Jackson has more of the preppy, ‘yes, I know I’m incredibly good looking’ look, while Jas holds his beauty with grace. His black, skinny, jeans cling to his legs and his black hoodie proclaiming some unheard of, yet incredibly amazing band fit him perfectly. I love his style. It’s so… All his own.

Jackson throws a controller at me and we are immediately immersed in killing the newest crack dealer. I wonder why I play these games, they really have no point. But then Jaspers hand brushes my knee and I realize I’d do just about anything to be around him. We play for a long time, the hours passing in blurs of car chases and violent street killings. We are only halted when Jackson stands up, throws on his lettermen jacket and tells us he’s got a date with some chick on the volleyball team.

“Does she have a name?” Jasper questions him. Jackson’s relationships are usually on a need to know basis and he rarely needs to know, nor cares, what the girls name is. He just wants the sex, which is inevitable, because every girl he dates has gotten paid for her services at one time or another. I guess being the big, college jock really pays off.

“It’s like Angel or something.” Jasper scoffs and then turns away.

“Figures” he mutters. Jackson turns and runs up the stairs, leaving Jasper and I to ourselves once again. I lean my head down until it rests comfortably on Jasper’s shoulder.

“Jas?” I question him. “Why is your brother the shallowest person to ever exist?”

“Bad genes” he mutters under his breath and I laugh and slap him playfully on the chest. “Oh…” he coos, “that might need a kiss.”

“Okay” I mumble pushing down onto the couch and climbing on top of him. I lift his shirt up and gently place kisses on his pale chest. He throws his arms around me and envelopes me in a hug. I sigh, contently, and lay with him. I swear, days upon weeks could pass by with us on his ugly seventies couch and I wouldn’t mind at all. I wouldn’t mind if the world ended and all that was left was he, this couch, and I. Hell, we could even get rid of the couch. I never liked it anyway. It reminds me of my grandparents.

“What are we gonna do now?” I question him, becoming restless.

“Um… let’s…eat. “

“Taco Bell” I squeal, tearing myself away from him and jumping up and down on the couch. My childish side never fails to show, but Jasper seems to enjoy it, so I don’t feel the need to suppress it.

“Okay, cupcake.”

“Can we get those too?” I question him. I have now transformed into a seven year old, but I don’t care. My happiness will take me to oblivion and back before I ever lose it. He laughs at me and stands up, his fingers intertwining with mine. I kiss his hand gently and then regretfully remove my fingers as we make our way through his house. His mother sits at the kitchen table, her rich red hair pulled back into a bun and her black framed glasses on the tip of her nose.

“Bye, Char.” I yell as Jasper and I exit the door. His mother is and always will be, in a sense, my mother.

We make our way to his beat up Vette and I climb inside. “Hello Amber” I whisper, running my fingers over the dash. Jasper named his car the second he got her. Amber. He refuses to tell me where he got the name. He says he’ll take it to his grave. I figure I’ll get it out of him someday.

“So, Jas. Why’d you name her Amber? Huh? Why?”

“You’ll never know.” He tells me and gives me a wink as we make our way along the sleepy streets of our town. No one is out. It is eleven o’clock at night. On a Friday night. And no one is out. They’re all such squares. Bleh.

A half an hour later Jasper and I sit in the freezing Taco Bell lobby, happily eating our food. “Mmmm” I mumble as I eat my Crunchwrap. He smiles at me and rubs my knee under the table. I shudder.

After we finish our food he drives me over to Country-Mart and we spend fifteen minutes running up and down the aisles, looking for the most random things to buy. I come up with cupcakes and a box of tropical condoms. Laughing, Jasper throws the condoms in my face and proceeds to pay for the cupcakes and his one liter of Mountain Dew. We leave the store hand in hand, his fingers intertwined in mine.

On the way home I pretend to pout, upset he wouldn’t buy what I wanted. “Oh love” he whispers and kisses my hand, his eyes scanning the road the whole time he speaks. “It’ll be alright” I nod and kiss his hand in return.

We reenter his house and with a wave to his mum we are back down in the basement, back in the same position. He on the couch, I on top of him, my head resting on his chest, rising and falling with his breathing. We lay like that forever. I realize that he has fallen asleep and for a while I just stare at his sleeping form. He looks so at peace like this. I am utterly amazed by him. After awhile I realize my own tiredness and lay my head on his chest. I fall asleep instantly, in utter sync with the man underneath me.

I awake to eyes. Big, deep blue eyes staring at me. “Do you really want to know why I named her Amber?”

“Yeah” I say, in utter shock that he has chosen now to tell me. He looks at me seriously for a minute and I shrink in fear.

“Do you remember that day I went with you to visit your mum in the hospital?”

“Yeah” I whisper, recalling painfully the years my mother spent battling cancer before she finally passed, weeks before my thirteenth birthday.

“Well, she told me while you where out getting a soda, that if you where born a girl, she was going to name you Amber.”

I laugh and stare at him for a second, wondering if he is serious. He stares at me and his eyes tell me all I need to know. “Baby, you named your car after me” I squeal and kiss him deeply. I am in love with this man. So, incredibly, in love. And it is absolutely amazing. And then as I deepen our kiss, he starts to giggle.

I sigh and give him a frustrated look. Sighing he takes a deep breath and composes himself. I lean in for my kiss again. It tastes of secrets and sin. But just right now, I feel like being a little sinful. I giggle devilishly and he attacks my lips. I melt into him, allowing the pleasure. Oh, if only they knew what we do when they’re not around. That glint of suggestive in his eyes turns me on.

I sit in my empty apartment, about two hours later, staring blankly at my notebook’s screen. Xanga. God knows it went out years ago, but I, being the complete dork that I am, will never ever give up on it. I haven’t updated, of course, in about the past month, but college life can do that to a person. I opt for the easy way out and copy and paste a random survey into the box.

Full name: Danner October Smith

Birthday: 10-8-86

Hair Color: Black

Eye Color: Green

Status: Taken

Wait.

Status: Single

No, that’s not right at all.

Status: ?

What are Jasper and I? I mean, yes, I love him with all my heart and I’d shout that from the rooftops if I could. But he always says ‘let’s not’. Let’s not what? Let’s not tell your brother that we’ve been dating for the past year behind his and everyone else we know and loves backs. Let’s not tell him that I strip you down to your unmentionables and kiss you like I‘ll be gone tomorrow. Let’s not tell him that? Let’s, actually. Let’s tell him. I wish Jasper was comfortable with us.

I close down Xanga, avoiding submitting my entry, and lay in my bed. The bed that we share, most nights. Tonight he has opted to stay at his house. Poor Charlotte hardly gets the attention she deserves from her boys. I close my eyes and fitfully try to sleep. Nightmares flow through my head and I toss and turn. The hours fly by with no sleep and before I know it the harsh sun is stinging my eyes. I turn to face my faded blue walls, running away from the light. I come face to face with Jasper, our noses touching slightly.

“Hey baby” he whispers and pulls me in for a hug.

“When did you get here?” I question him, allowing the hug.

“Eh, a few hours ago. I was watching you sleep.”

“Stalker” I whisper, giving him a slight peck. He raises an eyebrow at me and I chuckle. “So what’s on the agenda for today?”

“Jackson wants us to go putt-putt golfing with him and his new ‘Ms. Thing‘” Jasper replies, using finger quotations to emphasize Ms. Thing.

“And what’s her name” I ask. I wonder if Jackson will ever have a girlfriend. For as long as I can remember he’s had ’things’. They don’t stick around, maybe one date--two if he’s lucky. Hm.. Jackson the Man Whore. Well, at least he has a title.

“Josalin, actually.” Jasper whispers to me, waiting for my reaction. I draw in a breath. It’s a beautiful name, it was my mothers name. I nod and we get up. “Golfing it is?”

“Golfing it is” I reply stripping as I walk to the bathroom, slipping into the shower.

My mom, wow. I hardly think about her, but the memories I do have are happy. My father doesn’t have a son. Or at least that’s what he told me. We where standing in my bedroom, his eyes burning with fury, and there was a boy in my bed. That was the last time I ever talked to him. Somehow, I think my mother wouldn’t have minded. She was perfect. I think I’m a lot like her in that way. Understanding that is, perfect is another story.

Jasper runs through the shower and we hop inside Amber, heading to the golf course. “You’re such a girl.” he tells me. His eyes don’t leave the road, he knows I’ll have protests so he averts my eyes.

“Excuse me?”

“You.Are.A.Girl.”

“I sometimes think I should’ve been born one, but you of all people should know all about my manliness.

“You do act like a girl sometimes, but once we kick Jackson’s ass I putt-putt, you will forever be the manliest man I know.” I agree and lean into kiss his cheek. We will be the indestructible putt-putters.

We meet up with Jackson and Josalin at the entrance. She looks quite, homely, actually. She wears a sweatshirt, littered with athletic words that mean absolutely nothing to me, and a pair of simple jeans. “I’m impressed” I whisper to Jasper as we make our way inside. “I don’t see skin.”

He laughs and squeezes my hand before we pick out our clubs and begin the game. I come to the sad realization that this is all there is to do in my town. Putt-Putt fucking golf. Josalin goes first and Jackson comes back to stand beside us.

“Do you guys like her?” he asks, anxiety showing in his voice.

“Yeah, she’s refreshingly covered.” Jasper tells him and I nod in agreement.

“Thanks guys, I really like her. I can really…talk to her.” We laugh at his excitement and watch as he goes up to putt, completely missing his ball. Josalin coos sweetly and gives him a hug. I suddenly realize that this is a double date. No one knows it but me, but it is one. It is two couples occupying time in their day, together. I want to scream.

“Let’s go, Danner.” Jasper says, giving me a light shove up to the ball. I draw back and give it a slight tap, watching as it rounds the curve and finds the hole. I turn and bow gracefully. Jasper cheers and then runs up and high fives me. That is what our relationship is. Public high fives and private kisses. My mind reels in disgust.

He goes after and his ball follows mine. It is quite obvious that this game is over before it has even really begun.

“Jasper” I whisper to him as Josalin and Jackson walk ahead of us.

“What is it, love?” he asks me, a worried look on his face.

“This is a double date, only they don’t know it, and I want them to know it. I want to be able to kiss you when you sink a putt. I know it may sound stupid to you, but to me, it means the world. I’m tired of hiding.” I send him a look of sadness and walk ahead. We putt the rest in silence, our score far outreaching the oblivious Josalin and Jackson. I walk up to sink the last putt, Jackson and Josalin stare at me, Jasper looks saddened, trying to get my attention but I ignore him. I just want to finish the golf before I scream. I really want to scream. Or cry. God, I am a girl.

I tap the ball and stare at the plastic windmill ahead. It’s oh so clichéness makes me want to vomit. My ball makes its way closer and enters the hole, barely avoiding a board of the windmill. I turn around the allow Jasper to go, but am met by his lips. I attempt to move back, but his arms are wrapped around my back, pressing me firmly to him. I give in and kiss him back with as much force as he is giving me. We pull back and my eyes spell confusion. My heart soars and I believe I’ve never felt such happiness. I am so in love with this man.

“Jackson” Jasper bellows, turning to face his dumbstruck twin. “I love him. I love him a lot, and I’m sorry we didn’t tell you, but it’s the truth.” Jackson stares at us for a while, before turning on his Nike clad heel and walking out. Josalin sends us a look of disgust and exit’s the course chasing after Jackson.

Jasper stands in silence, all emotion drained from his eyes. They cloud over and his face becomes translucent. “Jas?” I whisper, reaching for his hand. He draws it back sharply and crosses his arms across his chest. “Jas, I’m so sorry. I… You didn’t have to. I..” I trail off. I don’t know what to say to him. I am the sole reason that his twin brother and best friend in the entire world just walked out on him. I am causing him all of this pain, and it’s breaking my heart.

He stares into my eyes for a second and then puts a finger to my lips. “I did it for me too,” he whispers, before taking my hand and silently leading me towards Amber. We get inside and drive the rest of the way in silence. We stop in front of my apartment. He stares at me expectantly as we sit in silence for a few seconds. “Are you coming in?” I ask, hopefully. It comes out as a whisper. My voice doesn’t work today; it’s scared to work today.

Jasper sends me a saddened look and shakes his head. “I need to ride for a while, I’ll be back though. I promise.”

I nod and exit his vehicle, pressing a hand to the window as he speeds away. I hate myself today. I haven’t hated myself in a long time, but today I do. I stare down at my wrist, bad memories of hatred filling my mind. Scars tell stories. My mother once told me that. I prefer to think of them as stories of my past. And so does Jasper.

I remember that night my father kicked me out. I came soaking wet to his door. I walked to his house, in the pouring rain. To me, it was the only option. He was the only one home then, Jackson was at some football party and his mom was out grocery shopping.

“Oh my God, Danner. What’s the matter?” he questioned me, pulling me into the house.

“I’m gay.”

“Blunt” he says. I realize it was rather blunt, but I felt it the best route to go. It was after all, the start of my troubles.

“I’m gay, and I can’t change that. And my father, or the man formally known as my father, doesn’t have a son, and I have no place to stay, and I don’t know what’s happening.” Jasper came to sit by me on the basement couch, wrapping a towel around my soaking form.

“He kicked you out?” he questioned, his eyes full of worries.

“Ya.” I whispered. “Don’t worry though. I’ve got enough money to rent an apartment. I just kind of need a place to stay for the night.”

He nodded and hugged me. We’d never hugged before, and at first it was awkward, but I soon melted into his comforting form and let the tears slip past my lids and down my pale cheeks.

Two weeks later I was in my own apartment, and Jasper was staying there. He kissed me on my bare mattress, in the middle of my empty apartment, Pizza Hut take-out littering the area around us. It was magic. Insane, dysfunctional magic, but magic all the same.

I heard the doorknob turn and stared expectantly at the door, waiting for Jasper to enter. He does so, is eyes blood-shot, his heart broken. He walks straight toward me and melts into my arms, his tears soaking my sleeve instantly. I walk us slowly to the couch and we lay.

“What happened?” I whisper to him and I gently run my fingers through his hair.

“I went to the house, I was going to try and talk to Jackson. And…” he stops, sniffling and turning to face me. “The door was locked. FUCKING LOCKED.” He screams, taking his anguish out on the silence. “The spare key was gone. The back door was locked. I was locked out. I WAS LOCKED OUT OF MY OWN FUCKING HOUSE.” Translucent drops are flowing from his eyes and staining the couch, his nose is red and he sniffles continuously, his body convulses violently, I have never seen such pain.

“Oh baby” I whisper, pulling him closer and allowing him to cry into my chest. Silent tears drip from my eyes as I hug him. “Where’s your mom?” I question him. I’ve known Charlotte my whole life, she was best friends with my mother, she would never, ever, lock her own son out of his home.

“Visiting Chassidy and Mike.” He whispers, quietly, trying to calm his sobs. I nod and continue to console him, running my hand down his back slowly. Jasper’s older sister, Chassidy, lived a few hours away with her husband and their son. The family hardly ever got to get together, so Charlotte often went to see them over the weekend.

I lay with Jasper on the couch until he silently falls asleep. Kissing his head softly, I scribble a note and exit the house. I have to make this right. I hop into Amber and head down the familiar streets. I stop in front of Jaspers house and stare at it. Its brick walls seem so alien to me now. I exit the car and walk up the sidewalk nervously. I twist the knob and hit it in frustration when it shows resistance.

“Jackson” I scream, slamming my fists against the door. I know he’s here. “JACKSON” I scream again. The door opens quietly and his ghostly form stands at the door. “Don’t even fucking talk to me about pain. Just listen.”

I invite myself in and yank him into the living room. It’s rather formal, and I can’t remember the last time anyone was actually in it, but I’m not dragging him far to tell him what I have to say.

“Your brother. He’s your brother.” I shudder, trying to hold back tears that threaten to slip. “What the hell kind of a person do you think you are, Jackson? Unconditional love is the kind of love that you give to your family. I mean, who gives a fuck, really, who he chooses to love. So he chooses to love me. We’ve been hanging out together since we could fucking breath. I mean, shit, how can you just abandon him? He’s a fucking person, too. And right now, he’s broken. You broke him. He wanted to tell you, to share with you his happiness, and you fucking stomped on it. I can’t believe you. You LOCKED the door. You LOCKED your fucking twin brother out of his home. YOU TWO SHARED A WOMB, for Christ’s sake. I…ugh” I rant. I scream. I hit things and I tug at my hair. I cannot stay sane, right now. I let my rage flow and don’t await his reaction. I take the few steps to the door and exit it, slamming it hard behind me.

I sit in Amber, slamming my fists against her steering wheel, crying and convulsing violently. I cannot do this. I speed back to the apartment. The last thing that Jasper needs is to wake up alone. Yet, when I get there, he is awake. He sits up on the couch, his eyes swollen, twirling my note through his fingers.

“Where’d you go?” he asks, quietly.

“No where,” I reply, walking over to the couch and wrapping my arms around him. He nods, not willing himself to argue with me, and melts into me. We sleep like that, on my couch.

Morning comes all too soon, and there is a void in between my arms. Jasper is gone. I get up slowly and walk around the apartment. He is no where to be found. No note, no phone message. Nothing. I peer out my window and find Amber gone. He has disappeared. Worry fills my mind. Has he given up on us and gone home? Has he told his brother that it was all a big mistake? Is he choosing Jackson over me? I cannot think. I cannot breath. I can only run. I run the blocks to his house and enter the door, ignoring the common courtesy of knocking.

“Jasper” I scream running down the hallway to his room.

“He’s gone.” Jackson barks at me. He is sitting in his boxers, a chair, in the center of his very filthy room, an empty bottle of tequila in his hand. “He was here, packed up all his gay shit, and left.”

“What?” I question him, walking hesitantly towards his door.

“He came in and I apologized. I said you came here and you talked to me and that I was an ass and he said that he had to go. He said he loved me. I was a great brother, but he had to go. He left you a note. It’s in there.” Jackson points a shaky finger to Jaspers bedroom and I rush in. A crumpled piece of notebook paper lies on his pillow.

I hold the paper in my hands and shakily begin to read.

Love,

I left.

I slipped from your arms and ran.

And now I’m running again.

I cannot do this to you, any longer.

I can’t hurt you, any longer. I’m running to New York. I’m going to finish college there and then I’ll start my photography business.

Find me (please).

I love you.

There aren’t any fancy words to describe it.

I just…love you. With all the piece of my heart. Broken and scattered, I love you.

Jasper

I stare at it again. New York. Why? I can’t take this. I rip the note down the middle, then again, again, and again. I cannot stare at his words that sit so innocently in front of me. How could he do this? How could he just get up and leave? How can he betray all we have? I scream at the top of lungs. I scream so loud and my insides rip and shred and I lay on his bed in a lump, soaking in puddles of my own tears. This isn’t happening.

I lay on his bed for several hours. I can hear Jackson fall out of his chair in his room. He cries in pain but I don’t hear him move again. The world is still. The world is gone.

I don’t find him. I stay in our small town and I live my life. It sucks and it’s sad, but I do it. I do it because he left. He left me alone. He gave up on us. I cannot forgive him that easily. I love him. I love him with everything I have and there is no one else and there might never be. I’d rather die alone than unhappy with someone else.

It’s one about a month after my graduation that I get a call, and I pack up my little amount of belongings and head to New York. Jackson’s gruff voice yells at me over the line.

“He’s having a photography exhibit. Go.” He hangs up quickly, and I hear the sound of a child crying as the call ends. Josalin turned out to be the best thing that ever happened to Jackson. I heard her enter the house that day. She passed my body in Jaspers room and headed straight to Jackson’s. She picked him up, and dusted him off. Two kids later and still no dust. He is Jackson the Man Whore no more.

I sit quietly in my window seat. Heights where never my thing, but the plane ride was the fastest mode of transportation. I stare out of my window as we touch down, the obese man that sits beside me huffs loudly and I cringe. The sooner I walk out of here the better.

I find my luggage and leave the large man and his huffs behind, trying frantically to hail a taxi. The world bustles around me and I stand confused and alone in the mass. Finally a cab stops and I mumble my location to him. Breathing deeply I wonder what I’ll say to Jasper.

It’s been five years since I’ve seen him. Five years. I am more frightened than I have ever been in my life. My heart pounds heavily in my ears and all breathing has stopped. The man drops me off in front of an antique building. Its sides are made of some imported marble. It stands out from the harsh concrete of the surrounding buildings.

Gallery.

The words are printed on the door and I draw my breath in. I am here. I am now. And so is he. He made his dreams come true. And here I am, a nothing, desperately attempting to crawl back into his life. It will never work.

I avert my eyes to the ground and they crawl up slowly to a sign that sits beside the gallery entrance. There is a picture of Jasper. He is so beautiful. His eyes tell of tragedies that only I can know. But, oh is he beautiful. His picture gives me strength and I press my shaking hands to the door and enter. The room is crowded with prestigious people. I enter, and immediately shrink. There is a crowd of people surrounding the center of the room. That’s Jasper. I can feel it, but I’m not ready yet. I start in the corner, staring at his photos. They are al so beautiful. So artistic. He was always talented.

The crowd begins to disperse and I see him standing alone, admiring the crowd. I take a few shaky steps to him and stop. My heart has stopped, my breathing has stopped, my brain aches. All I can feel is my need. My want. I breathe in deeply, starting back up all my vital organs and walk up to him.

His face lights up in surprise. He’s so amazing and all I want to do is kiss him, but there are things that I just have to say before we can go on. His look changes to seriousness and he stares at me, at the look of pain on my face. He knows. He knows there are things I have to say before we can go on with the happy life we are sure to lead. He knows there is sadness and pain that must be spoken of. He knows.

“You left.” I whisper. It’s short, but it speaks of all the pain he caused.

“Ya” he mumbles back, staring down at his feet. “I did. And I think it was for the best.” I stare at him, absolutely amazed he is saying those words. All the fucking years we lost and he thinks its for the best. I turn to leave. I didn’t come to New York to hear this. I came to hear a simple ‘I’m Sorry’. A simple ‘I love you’. Not this. He grabs my arms and pulls me toward him, trapping my lips on his. I pull back sharply, shoving my arms into his chest. This was a mistake. “I found myself here.” He says sharply, trying to justify his actions.

“Well I hope you and yourself have fun here” I spit at him. I could care less if he found himself. Why couldn’t he find himself with me? Why did he have to leave me, alone, to find himself?

“Danner, don’t be like this. I love you. Okay? I found that out. I found out that I can move half a universe away from you, and love you even more. I found out that I can dream of you and keep pictures all around my apartment, but never feel fully satisfied because you’re not there. I found that all I care to talk about is you. I found myself and I found out that myself needs you.” My back is towards him. I am five steps away from the door and the bustling city outside. My mind is telling me to leave. He left me. Why can’t I walk out this door and leave him?

My heart.

God damn my heart.

Stay, it whispers to me. Stay, and be with him, the man whom you will love no matter what comes. No matter where you go, where he goes, you will always love him. I turn around slowly, small, transparent tears are falling down my cheeks. His tears soon match mine as the world flows around us. I take the first step.

One slow, scared step towards him. He takes one towards me, bringing a shaky hand up to brush away his tears. One more step and I’m there, in his arms again. I take it. It’s scary and new, but I take it. And the kiss that follows is everything and more. I realize that in that kiss, we may have more fights. The fights might even be terrible, awful, screaming fits, but we’ll get over them. Because he is My One. My One person I am meant to be with forever.

“I love you too.” I whisper, my forehead pressed against his, his hands finding mine.