Summer's Gone

I let the sweet, milky piece of chocolate melt on my tongue, savoring every taste of it. The light breeze, carrying the heat of the blazing sun above, caressed my exposed skin as I sat there on the freshly mowed grass of our yard, watching my new neighbors move in and out of their house with huge boxes in their arms. I wiped off the melted chocolate off my hand and onto my pants as I stood up. In the front lawn of the house was a little girl standing, staring at the tall men moving furniture. She had long blond hair tied into a tight ponytail, and blue sleepy eyes on her freckled face. 1

“I’m Charlie,” I said with a big grin on my face.2

“Hi, I’m Maddie,” She had dimples form when she smiled. 3

“Do you want some chocolate?” I took out another piece of chocolate from my pants and held it out on my hand.4

“Yeah,” She took it and popped it into her mouth. “Are you my neighbor?”5

“Yep. I’m nine.” I proudly said thinking that she would be younger.6

“I’m nine and a half.” She said giggling. My proud feeling died there.7

That summer, we became the best of friends. We were inseparable almost as if we were surgically attached to each other. The first place I took her was to my favorite and most prized place: a stream that was five minutes away from both our houses. My dad and I had built a tree house on one of the giant oak trees that stood on the muddy ground mixed with clay. There was a hand painted sign that read ‘Charlie’s Castle’ on top of the opening, which I wrote when I was seven. Inside was small, bare, and dirty, but I still treasured it as it held my favorite action figures and other toys. Below were numerous mud houses I built which Maddie seemed to take an interest in.8

“Do you know how to make mud houses?” I squatted down next to the stream and gathered up the mud and clay into my hands.9

“Nope," She shook her head side to side, her ponytail following her movements.10

“Well, here’s how you do it.” I began to gather the clay and mud and patted it into a rectangular shape. I then went on to demonstrate and explain to her in great detail as if I was the master in making small mud houses. She studied my movements carefully without missing any details. She followed everything I did, if not better, and made her first mud house. 11

“Like this?” She said smiling, revealing her pink and orange braces.12

“Yep.” 13

Every summer we made more and more, adding each mud house we made to the group of houses I had built previously. We made several colonies of mud houses and restarted them when a storm washed them away. My collection of favorite things in my tree house, whose name we changed to ‘Charlie and Maddie’s Castle’, became gigantic when Maddie added her things to the pile. She grew up to be a tall and lean athletic girl, while I grew up to be tall but chubby, and more artsy than athletic. 14

When we were bored or grounded on the weekends, we opened up our bedroom windows that faced each other and wrote notes to hold up to the windows for the other to read. At school, we were the best of friends anyone could find, and we didn’t care what anyone thought or said about us. We had lockers next to each other, most of the same classes, sat next to each other at lunch, and always made sure there was room on the bus for the other.15

The summer after ninth grade, she left to stay at her grandmother’s for two months. That was the first time that we were separated for more than a week, and I was reluctant to gree her from my hug before she had to leave. Since her grandmother didn’t have internet, the only way we could talk to each other was through the phone, and so we weren’t able to talk much because of the pricey phone bills. I eagerly counted down the days until she would come back and rebuild mud houses with me. When she came back, though, I was surprised at how Maddie had changed. She was no longer the athletic tomboy, but rather a gorgeous teenage heart breaker. 16

Her blond hair that was always up in a ponytail was now down, letting her beautiful waves surround her flawless skin. Her blue eyes seem even more radiant, if that was possible, and sparkled at any given moment. Her cheeks had a tint of pink, complimenting her rosy lip gloss she seemed to wear. Her rigid movements turned graceful and seamless, accompanying her soft laughter. She really was a heart breaker.17

When tenth grade started, she started to draw away from me gradually. I distracted myself and tried to ignore the reality by losing myself with my endless artwork. She became a cheerleader and joined a popular clique at our high school. It was made up of all girls whose names ended with a ‘ly' and so she switched to her middle name Kelly, adding onto the 'ly' names of Carly, Molly, Haily, and Sally. It was a silly thing actually because I thought Maddie was a great name, frivolous sounding to match her personality. 18

Soon, we were no longer best friends as we became just friends that only acknowledged each other’s presence in the hallways. We didn’t write notes to each other and hang them out our windows for each other to see. Our colonies of mud houses became my colony of mud houses, and its growth was slowing down and eventually soon became abandoned. 19

We didn’t talk anymore at or out of school. She never came back to the stream with me, and she never looked out her bedroom window to see if I had written a note or not. I knew our precious friendship was falling apart daily, and I didn’t know what to do to revive it. She never came to my sixteenth birthday, and she never invited me to hers when she held a huge party. I watched from my room as people walked in and out of her house, realizing that I was never going to be one of them. So I closed my blue curtains, turned on my own music, and cried. I cried silently to myself in my dark room, hoping that if I cried enough, I would wake up from this dream.20

The final art show was held at our school, a month before summer break began. It was the only art show a fairly large number of people came to. I put forth my favorite and only piece that I had worked on throughout the year just for this show. It combined a painting, photos, and a model, which all revolved around the theme of the long forgotten mud houses. With dark colors, I painted the stream accompanied by long lines of never ending mud houses beside it. Behind them, I painted the oak tree with the tree house on top where two people sat in laughing and the sign that said ‘Charlie and Maddie’s Castle’ above it. I posted some photos that my parents took of Maddie and me building mud houses and eating ice cream by the stream. Then, in the center, was a mud house—just like the ones in the painting and photos. The piece sat proudly on a table in the middle of the school gym, and I stood beside it, remembering all the great times Maddie and I had until the summer of ninth grade.21

I stood there and watched strangers walk by mine with only a few stopping to actually look at it. I didn’t mind that not many acknowledged my piece, though, when I heard a sweet, familiar voice — Maddie. I couldn’t believe that she was here, at an art show considered 'lmae' with her now-best-friends. They were laughing and giggling before they stopped in front my display. 22

“What the crap is that?” Sally said, taking a lollipop out of her mouth. 23

“That's weird.” Carly added. 24

I anxiously waited for Kelly’s response. She looked at the painting, the mud house, then the pictures, then back at the mud house. For a split second, I thought I saw tears swelling up in her eyes. Kelly looked at me as if she wanted to not believe what she was seeing and quickly turned to her friends when she saw me smiling.25

“Yeah, it is weird.” She said smirking quietly. 26

Just like that, she turned her back on our friendship, our past, me. The girls walked off, giving brief glances at the other works of art. I could feel my face getting warmer, my eyes stinging with tears that threatened to pour out. I clenched my fists inside my pockets and stared at the floor.I know that our friendship was forever gone. She was no longer the friendly Maddie I knew, but a cold hearted Kelly she had made herself become. I felt as if she ripped out a piece of my heart away and threw it on the ground. She acted as if our summers and friendship meant nothing to her, and that was what hurt me the most. I didn't care that she was no longer Maddie, I didn't care that she didn't talk to me, I didn't care about those things. I did care, though, that she decided to erase our friendship from her past and mind.27

I tried to move on with my life after that day, no longer wanting to linger on a dead friendship and continue to waste my life. I made friends and lost them, finding two new friends finally at the end of junior year. They replaced the empty spot in my life that Kelly had burned. My sad memories and grieving heart were replaced by my new friends' laughter and care. I believed that I had completely moved on from Maddie, and I believed that I erased how Kelly had hurt me from my mind. I, however, still sometimes visited the stream alone at night, and have flashbacks of our lovely summers as I stood there and look through the collection of favorite things that laid in my tree house, gathering dust. I admit that I missed her, and I knew that she missed me and our past, too, because I sometimes catch her looking at our mud houses and tree houses at night when she thinks no one’s there.28

Author notes

I guess every one of us can relate to parts of this story in one way or another. We all once had that best friend we thought we couldn't live without, but in the end, we lose our friendship with him or her. Sometimes, I think that losing a best friend hurts more than losing a boyfriend or girlfriend, because somewhere inside, we know that true friends are hard to find.

One, two three, four, five
I do not know what to type
So here, this is it.

I think that's a haiku, right? I made that up...

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 20 of 20

  • Forgotten Anomaly
    February 22, 2008

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    This is sad, really sad for me. Either way, it is a very good story with a lot of descriptions, and I actually like you wording in most places. I enjoyed reading this, and good luck in the contest.


  • Bitter Irony
    August 5, 2007

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    This story has an excellent theme, and very well created characters. You had me hooked from the beginning also--mm, chocolate. :-)

    I have a few comments about word choice: first, try to avoid using the same or nearly the same word twice in two sentences (in the beginning, you say "place" twice in one sentence: later, you say "cold hearted" and then mention feeling like part of one's heart has been torn out). These issues are hard to notice when you're writing, so you may need to reread a few times (out-loud, even) to catch them all.

    Watch out for using too many adjectives in one place (your opening paragraph was pretty full of them) or to many adverbs (in one paragraph, you use axiously, carefully and seriously all in one line of ocmputer text).

    "I'm Charlie[,]" I said. In dialog, change periods to commas. Also, don't be afraid to just use directives after dialog, instead of action/description. Action and description after dialog are great, but when used after EVERY bit of dialog, it looks unbalanced.

    Fit the information you gave in () in the actual text: parentheticals work better in essays than short stories.

    The word "decimating" was used incorrectly--might "crumbling" be better?

    You have a lot of excellent detail at the beginning of this piece: try to use it throughout the whole thing. From "The summer after ninth grade", you stop showing the detials and simply tell the reader what's going on. You say Maddie was gorgeous--how? What made her so beautiful?

    That last bit (show, don't tell) is the only thing that really needs to be fixed in order to make this story publishable. It's very, very close, and you could probably find a web-zine somehwere that would publish it as-is. Nice work: a sad but realistic look at childhood relationships.

    Good luck! Thanks for entering the contest!

    ~Bitter Irony

    beginning: 4, language: 2, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 2, characters: 3.


  • Kelander
    August 1, 2007
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    Well written story, we can all relate to this I'm sure, enjoyed the read


  • beezy92
    March 28, 2007

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    I love the descriptions

    But some of it I didn't get. I wanted more explantion or visualization behind Kelly's response to the art. good job! i commented on this before but its not here..i must've left the page before it was addd or something *hits head* lol good job!


  • Ubacubissubej
    March 15, 2007

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    My heart's caught in my throat, I was hoping she'd turn and smile back at him as she walked away, perhaps a final goodbye glance. Though I've always been a hopeless optimist. It's just so hard to believe people can be that cruel.

    This story is amazing. No 'crappy' about it. It is very well written, and is ust beautiful with the imagry. I can just picture the art collage, with the solatary mud hut...

    Amazing. Simply amazing.
    -UBA-


  • Blackwings
    March 5, 2007
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    That was a

    beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.

    • Blackwings
      March 11, 2007
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      Good story. (sorry my computer died and i just got it running again. still got a few bugs to work out) But, i really liked the story. Awsome discriptsions!


  • darkpaintedreams
    March 5, 2007

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    Wow, that was great. I loved all the descriptions, at the beginning when you were talking about chocolate I though "now I want some".....anyways, it was a cute but sad story. Great job!


  • robert davidson
    February 28, 2007

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    Beautiful but Sad


    A very believable and well told story with very real characters showing the intensity and fragility of childhood friendship.

    Robert Davidson

    beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.


  • The Cube
    February 28, 2007

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    I like very much

    A very well written story! In a way I could picture the events everystep of the way. Good use of wording and detail. I liked it very much.


  • The Racing Snake
    February 28, 2007

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    I think anyone could relate to this in some way.

    This is a very well written story and it is definatley not crappy.

    I do think that anyone who reads this can relate to it in some way shape or form as everyone has had a pal/chum who is no longerthe same person.

    The pace and language you have used is spot on and I do enjoy short sharp dialog asx this is the way most people (politicians aside) do actually talk.

    All the best.

    jsdk

    beginning: 3, language: 4, ending: 3, characters: 4.

  • Decadent Anomaly
    February 28, 2007

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    Excellent! Very engrossing. The characters felt realistic. I suppose we have all had a friendship that was abandoned or 'outgrown'. I look forward to more like this.


  • Talisa Tourniquet
    February 27, 2007
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    Im going to cry..that was soo beautiful!!


  • asthray.heart
    February 27, 2007

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    This is good certainly not crappy, very sad an emotional brought up a memory of my own pretty much like that.

    Great Work.

    Lady Madeline.

  • beezy92
    February 27, 2007
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    its good

    you have a good mixture of showing and telling i like it (= just a few things...after a quote you go ." She said but really it should be ," she said or ?" she said.

    and i didn't get the "looked at me as in disbelief" what were you trying to say?


  • Blazing Writer
    February 27, 2007

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    Aww, this actually touched me. I've been going through the same things as them. Diffrent situation but same thing. This actually brought tears to my eyes because as I read this, I imagined my self and my ex best friiend who I called my little sister and she called me her big brother. Congratulations on writing such a Wonderful Story. This is actually really awesome. Congrats.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Novaren
    February 26, 2007

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    Very touching and can be based on real life. I think it happens to most of us really.

    But if it was me who wrote this I would say (if I was the author)it was crappy because it has happened to me. I feel bad having to write it down and I think that I am crappy though I'm not and not the story^^ (Man why do I always set myself as the example)

    And right now I feel pretty crappy since your story made me experience a flashback^^


  • DamagedRoses
    February 25, 2007
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    This is not a crappy story. This was very good.


  • Kyoku Luv
    February 25, 2007

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    Crappy? What are you smoking to think that?

    This is a very good story based on friendship. That really does happen!
    It was very realistic.

    Poor Charlie...mm mm mm.

    I loved it very much, Em.

    Goodjob, and good luck in the contests!!!!


  • TrackAndy
    February 25, 2007
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    Crappy? no not at all

    I liked this. I havn't read much about friendships dissolving. Good change. At one point it was almost repetitive like the parts about where Charlie was thinking of how it isn't the same. But it didn't take away from the story so its ok.

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