She was The most beautiful lady he had ever laid his eyes upon.
She smiled to him with a smile that was warm enough to melt away the winter, and he smiled back at her, knowing he could never touch her.
By God, he wanted to. He wanted to feel her soft skin against his, and her cheek resting on his. All he wanted was to be with her, forevermore.
He wanted her smile to greet him as he returned from his work, and he wanted her love to consume him. She had long since bewitched him, bewildering him into love. Like a daisy, she had bloomed into a full grown beauty, and his love had grown as well. But it was impossible love, sad and impossible. There was not a thing in life he valued more then her. He would give his life to save hers anytime. But he knew that when it came down to the facts, he would not be able too, even though he wanted and tried.
His heart was filled with shattered pieces of glass. He knew what would happen too her... He knew.
He knew, but he could not tell her.
He was devastated the day he was told. He knew it was coming, but it still managed to creep up on him and catch him by surprise.
His tan face turned pale and gray when he was told. His long blond hair faded, and he became nothing more then a shadow of himself.
It was not until that moment, that he realized how deep and sincere his love really was.He was left with no choice, he had to tell her. It might be that he would have to share her fate, but so be it. He would rather go with her, instead of feeling perpetual pain and anguish, wishing he had done something. But he had to be swift, he had to leave at once. If he waited any longer, it could be too late. He placed a dagger in his boot, in case he was to come too late. If he came too late, then he would fight for his love, and rather die then being left alone.
He ran across the village. He ran across meadows and golden plains, over hills and stones, across rivers and ponds. Her house lay at the outskirts of the village, and he did not have much time. By the time he was halfway there, his feet were aching and burning, and he was tired and sleepy. But it did not cross his mind, even once, to stop and rest. He could rest when he was done, when she was safe. Not a moment earlier. As he ran, he kept wondering whether or not it was too late. Maybe it was too late, because he had hesitated. Because he had lingered upon his decision of saving her, even telling her. He was in grave remorse, but hoped that he would get to her in time.
As he ran, he thought about what they should do if he got there in time. He knew they would have to escape, live as fugitives. But that was a thought he had already settled with, better fugitive with her, then anything without her. They could live in the mountains, live of the nature. Or they could make their way into another town, trying to blend in. And in time, they could have kids, plenty of them. And animals, lots of animals. Familiars was a word that suddenly sprung to his mind, but he did not believe in such. Animals were animals, humans were humans. He did not see why that was so hard to understand for some.
His love blessed him with haste, and he ran as fast as his feet could take him. His own thoughts of starting a family encouraged him to run even faster, and he did.
He ignored the fact that he was about to collapse in the heat, and that his feet were driven to an unearthly amount of pain.
He just ran.
As he reached the forest where her house lay, he caught himself slowing down as he entered the shadows. He cursed himself for letting him do it, and started running faster again. He knew that he was getting close.
He was so close, that he could see a pillar of smoke coming up from under the trees, from her house. As he saw the smoke, he realized that he was probably too late. He was probably way too late. But he kept running.
He kept running until he had seen it for himself.
He was not ready to give up.
A tear pressed its way out of his eye, and he knew that he would be dead by the end of the day.
As he finally reached her house, he could see that it was burning.
Flames were licking their way up the wooden house.And an inferno could be seen through the windows.
But his love was not inside. He could see her.
Just a couple of hundred feet away, he could see her.
She was surrounded by armed men. Swords and pistols were pointed at her. She was sitting on a horse, not moving.
Around her neck hung a rope from a nearby tree, being fastened and tightened by one of the men.
He started running again. He was so close, but yet so far away. She smiled as she saw him coming, but she knew that he was too late to make a difference. She admired his courage and bravery, and longed for his love. But she felt bad for dragging him with her. He ran as fast as he could. He had his dagger in his hand, and he was getting close. One after one, the armed men turned against him. Some of them started laughing, others started aiming their guns at him. At the same time, the one that had been fastening the rope, smacked the horse with a torch. The horse jumped up on its two back feet, and sneered. Then it ran, as fast as it could. Away from the scene. As the horse ran, she fell down. Her neck did not break in the fall, and as the rope tightened, she was suffocating. Some of the armed men were getting more and more scared by the man with the dagger, and as he approached them, one of them pulled the trigger on his gun. Powder filled the air, as several others joined in and fired. Bullets flew through his shoulder and into his chest. He kept moving, but was severely wounded and slowed down. As he reached his loved one, the men stopped shooting.
They just watched him. He walked over to the tree, and cut the rope with his dagger. As he cut it, she fell down onto the ground. Her face was red, and she was shaking, but she was still alive. Tears filled her bloodshot eyes as the men started shooting again. But he still stood, he was not dead. He fell down by her side, and touched her cheek as he smiled. She smiled back at him, and took his hand. They were both crying. They were both happy.
Then, the men shot again. For the last time.
A silent echo of the last shots hung in the valley for quite some time, as the ground was painted red.1
Author notes
(Entered as option 4 in the The Epitome of Storytelling contest) (Option 4 and 5 works in the Knowing Too Late... contest)
A contest entry
- Love..is such sweet sorrow.. by Arcularis.
175 points, ended March 12, 2007, 19 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - The Growth of Character by Jennywinnie.
170 points, ended March 6, 2007, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Just a story about love by VioletConcept.
107 points, ended March 9, 2007, 20 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I'll Read Anything by Kitzwa.
200 points, ended April 7, 2007, 50 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Scary stories or sad stories that make me scream or cry! by Hopeh .
110 points, ended March 18, 2007, 19 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - The Epitome of Storytelling by Oblivion Kitty God.
985 points, ended April 17, 2007, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Cry!!!! by Blackwings.
230 points, ended April 13, 2007, 9 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Make Me Cry!!!! by McrSAVEDmyLIFE.
200 points, ended April 27, 2007, 17 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - a sad story by Caledonia.
130 points, ended May 9, 2007, 17 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Knowing Too Late... by EtherealButterfly.
195 points, ended May 15, 2007, 11 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Yay! My first contest! by Hug.Trees.
101 points, ended September 18, 2007, 18 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - 17th, 18th and 19th Century Fiction by Bitter Irony.
250 points, ended September 13, 2007, 11 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - 2nd Contest by Tarja.
175 points, ended June 20, 2008, 13 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - A Day Without Waffles. by colormeimpressed.
325 points, ended March 23, 13 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please, tell me what you think of it :)
Comments
1 - 41 of 41
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this is really sad! I like it though, it's well written. XD
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Congrats on the silver and honorable mention trophies. This was incredibly depressing. But the smiles at the end gave it that bittersweet touch. I loved this. You did a good job bringing this to life and I think that it would make an excellent... full out story. You should consider expanding on this... maybe a prequel?
Thanks so much for entering and good luck.
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It's a very interesting story and the characters are quite unique, but it could use some tweaking. While the overall storyline was good, the emotions behind it could use a little work.
In the second paragraph you mentioned how sad he was, but you in the first paragraph you didn't really tell us why (if that makes sense) he loved her so much. You discussed that she was pretty, but that doesn't tell us why she matters so much.
The imagery was good, but the grammar could use some work. There were many misplaced commas and sentences that could use some revising.
The stroy was good, but it could use some work. Keep on writing -
the only problem I have with this story is that it really doesn't tell why the people thought she was a witch. All it says is how the guy loved her and how they hanged her. The only thing that makes people know she was a witch was the title. I think you should expand on this story like people said maybe tell how they met, and why he loved her so much.It seems that you really don't know too much about the characters in the story very well. You don't even know the names of the people in the story. I am not trying to say it was a bad story, just trying to suggest some improvements that you could make.
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it was wonderful
it was good i thuogh that it was amazingbeginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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You have a very poetic style of writing! My only suggestion is to try and avoid passive voice whenever possible: in the first few paragraphs, you used the word "was" a bit more than necessary. Thanks for entering the contest, and good luck!
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Okay, come on. Must the line spacing/paragraphs be like that? It makes it sooooooo hard to read. Beside that, I absolutely adored it. It was so...sad though. But that's what I've come to except in your writing. Not that it's a bad thing. You write sad quite quite well.
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Hehe, I've heard the spacing thing before
I guess I suck at it
But I just like it like that...
Or, well... I can try to change it now
Glad you liked it
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*Tears up* WHY!!! WHY!!! WHY!!!
Love is unfair at times, as your story foretold. It had a bittersweet ending, bitter because they were killed, sweet because they died together, their love made known at last.
I love how it was written simple, not too many extravagant words or phrases (though there were some that were pure poetry and very much appreciated), it was like a fairy tale of some sort with a moral!
GOOD GOOD JOB! And good luck in my contest! -
This was good and very vivid. I love how it all flowed out and captured me into it. I think that the detail was good and there wasn't too much of it, which is nice. good job.
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This is very well thought out and very well detailed. Sad it is, good luck in my contest
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very nicely written. i like how this story flows. i love how original this is. your writing style is so different than others. keep on writing!!
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Great work
But I want to know why, why, why?
I think you're teasing! I liked the ending the most I think, I wanted some more details about how they'd met, I think that would really help to explain his emotions. But what I REALLY want is to know what he was told! Why is she being hung?
Good ending, I loved the imagery of running in pain to save his love and them dying together.
Liath -
It was sad
I loved the way the story played out. Wounderful simply wounderful. This contest is getting hard Good luck!!!
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I loved this story. I love the first paragraph and how you use she 'betwitched'his love.
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In the second paragraph, when you say "It may be that he would have to share her faith", I assume you meant "fate" instead. If not, then nevermind me.
It was a very interesting story, one that only a true creative mind could come up with. I will admit, however, that the flow of the story was a bit disruptive. Most of the sentances went well together and scenes moved continuously forward, but the placement some of the words seemed to disrupt the story. For instance, when she's sitting on the horse with the armed men surrounding her, the scene - though vivid - is disrupted by too many periods. Maybe it's just the way I read things, but a period usually makes me think of a moment's pause, so when I read this scene, I keep pausing at each period.
At any rate, this is a nicely written story. Yo udid well on it. Thanks for entering the contest and I'll let you know if your story becomes a finalist -
wow!!!!! awesomeness, i loved it....good luck and tnx for entering!!!
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I liked this story alot 2! Well, good luck
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I like this story a lot. I normally don't get into love stories, but this one was very well mixed with suspense and violence. It is well written and is in the finals. Thanks for the read.
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i just really love your stories.this one was great. i like the border too. it realldchid give a great descripition of a witch.
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I really like the tone you've written this in, and the plot is quite interesting; both keep the reader moving through this piece.
I would say though, that you need to focus some more on descriptions, and pay more attention to your sentence structure throughout. You've got some awkwardness going on here, and a fair amount of repetitiveness - try giving it a read through thinking about repeating words, and you should see what I mean - it ends up taking on a rhythm that I personally found distracting in this piece (repetitiveness can be a good tool, but I don't think it works here).As others have said, I too would love to have some more background information added in here as well.
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Very interesting! Here's just a few things I found:
The beginning is a bit slow- it makes you think it's going to cliche because your talking about how this guy really loves a girl (which has been done and done and done)- I would somehow hint in your being that this story is going to be different then other hopeless Romeo and Juliet stories.
Great idea, and good intesity towards the middle and end, but you might work on describing more about the situation. How did he fall in love with her, how was she discovered as being a witch, how did he know she was going to be killed, how does he feel about her being a witch (you touched on that but I think you could go further with that idea).
In genral I think you might play around with trying to cut out some of the passive voice in your story. Don't get me wrong passive voice has a place in narrative- but if over used it can make the story drag. I think this also might help to spice up the beginning.
Anyways great job! Good luck -
ahhh...*sigh*
Yeah this was a story that left my eyes watery. You had a awesome way of making me feel for the character, the ending was both happy and sad. For me...mostly just sad..Great story!!
beginning: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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wow. this was an AMAZING story... i loved it. it said so much..yet said little with words. this is definately a great story.
thanks for entering! -
La la la la la
I love this story; I like the way you use the title and corresponding gaps in the story. In this piece vagueness seems to be your wildcard and you play it well.
I am a bit of a hopeless romantic and would like to know how they met/ fell in love; just hint at it...
Once you're through editing this, working through each of the sentences, it could be a phenomenal piece.
(You also might want to edit it so that the lines are even; anything is harder to read when your eyes have to jump lines at odd intervals.)
Great job!
--Xanthe
P.S. I love the last line!
beginning: 1, language: 2, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 4.
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This was incredibly sad, yet inspiring at the same time. A sweet story of true love, no doubt. My absolute favorite. This was well written with the exception of the couple spelling errors. Trough should be "through" and there was another spelling mistake somewhere else. Read it outloud to yourself and take notes where it sounds awkward. What would really help is some more detail. Why did the woman's house get burned down and why did those men want her dead? You can still explain what she did in one sentence with enough of a literary toll on somebody to make perfect sense. This was outstanding! I loved this and I hope you take this comment to heart.
I wish you the best in the contest!
Ana -
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I think I fixed the trough things
And the reason they wanted her dead is supposed to be a bit explained through the title See, there was a time when they did these things :/
So, thanks for the comment and the help
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i so thought i had commentd on this...oh well, i guess not....anyways, i really liked this story, i thought it sweet....
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WOW!!!!!!!
This story is great! I like the twist. I always find a lot of stories are predictable but I really liked this one, I actually couldn't tell what was going to happen! Well done. -
what ever
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Romeo And Juliet
with a twist. Perhaps the 'Streets of Lorado" by Marty Robins. Just as beautiful and a love just as pure. Enjoyed the the days gone by tone and his courage. It was so sad that he saved her only for them both to be killed. The last stanza brings a vivid picture to the mind's eye. Great work.
beginning: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, characters: 4.
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WOW
I loved this. Do you realize how many innocent people the killed in the Salem Witch Triles. Hec if they were true witches they wouldn't have been that easily caught.
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10/10
That was a great story. Sounds like one of those late Victorian love song. Hats off to you.beginning: 4, plot: 4, ending: 5, characters: 4.
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Thanks alot
I actually got the inspiration while listening to a song, but it was an instrumental, though victorian-sounding
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Excellent.
I did like this story.
The style you have written the whole piece in is very good, with a good short sharp sturucture to both the sentance and paragraphs.
The pace is high tempo and also adds to the feel of your story.
All the best.
jsdk
beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 4.
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Thanks for the kind words
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*is speechless for once*
A tragic love! your beginning and your ending are so... chillingly beautiful. You started off with a happy love, an atmosphere that usually surrounds couples in love I sort of thought the "witch" part was just a metaphor or something - but then I realized it was both a a metaphor AND a literal thing.
I never understood why people had anything against witches x.x then again, I didn't live during that time and humans tend to fear that which they can't understand right?
And wah... the beauty of this is that the guy fought for her... and they died together. Omg
so sad, but I think I may be willing to die for the ones who love me. And I'd be willing to kill for the ones I love 
You've painted such a heartbreaking story that left me... sad But it was the beautiful kind of sad, so no worries
Thank you so much for this. Greatly enjoyed!
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Hehe, thank you very very much
The witch thing was both literal and a metaphor, and I find it totally outrageous that people once did this, but though, as you said, we did not live in that time, and can't really understand it And I totally agree that humans tend to fear what they cant understand... even I do sometimes
And yeah, at the end there, I'd be willing to both die and kill for love as well
And I'm glad you enjoyed it, and that you only became the beutiful kind of sad, and not... the other kind
Hehe, thank you very much -
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You are welcome and hmm... this showed ANOTHER facet of your writing skills... BRAVO, Mads, bravo
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Hehe, again, thank you Rachel, thank you!
You are too kind 
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