Letter

It was a rainy day the day you tore out my heart. I remember it because the slowly cascading drops of rain melted away my problems as I watched them from inside the bus. Conversation ebbed around me, but all I could hear were your words. All I could feel was your touch. But I can’t even bear to be round you now.1

Accusations still hang in the air, daggers to any hope we had. I don’t think we can recover this time. I don’t think this pain can be healed. Lies are all you hear. Lies are all you spin. I don’t know what to believe. I watch you throw your head back and laugh. I long to throw my arms around you and hope everything will be ok. But it won’t. Because that’s life. I’m not playing games anymore. 2

Your eyes dazzle with spectacular electricity as you retell a story you heard from me a long time ago. The characters have changed now though. I wonder if you miss me. If you regret what happened. But as you slip your arm round your next victim I realise you don’t feel anything. Just like you told me. You never did. 3

My lungs shake with breathy goodbyes as you catch my eye. 4

“I’m not going to say anything in this conversation” you announce to the group, eyes not leaving mine5

“Cos someone’ll just call my dumb” I can’t tear my gaze away. 6

No. You won’t hypnotise me again.7

“With good reason” I retort loudly. You blink. The spell is broken. You realise my pain, but you turn away, you either don’t care, or don’t want to care. Either way it matter’s not now. 8

I spend every spare moment of my dreams imagining you, replaying events so they could be different, trying to change who I am. I thought we were friends. At least. It’s not my fault I loved you. I was happy just being your companion. Now I’ll have to live with nothing. Same as I always knew I would. 9

I tried to hold onto you for so long. I’ve cried so many nights over the thought of losing you. But now that time has come, I have nothing but regret. You were the one thing that I loved, but now I have to leave. Leave everything I knew. Because I won’t stand around. I won’t be taken for a ride again. And I won’t be your fool anymore. 10

Goodbye my friend.11

May faith be with you.12