A little three year old boy named Jeremy accidentally locked himself in the bathroom, while spending the night at his grandma’s house. The grandma tried desperately to unlock the door, but to no avail. While she was on the phone, trying to locate the parents, the small boy began crying in fear. He sat in the middle of the floor, with tears streaming down his little cheeks, thinking he was all alone and nobody was there to comfort him. 1
He was looking at the big sink above his head wandering if it was going to come to life and drowned him. Then he saw the bathtub as a monster waiting for him to turn his head so he could pounce on him. A spider comes crawling out from the back of the commode, he screams - becoming hysterical. His eyes are blurry from all the tears; his heart is racing from the fear. It’s getting dark, no lights (he doesn’t know how to switch them on) the fear is swelling to an even higher level of hysteria. Then in the darkness he sees a light, it’s coming from the window above the tub-monster. He believes the monster has opened his eyes and is now ready to kill him. 2
Then a shattering sound like glass breaking is heard and his little heart is jumping and pounding ready to explode. The tub-monsters eyes are shinning on him, blinding his sight, he knows his time is near and covers his eyes with his little hands. Then he hears a man’s voice saying “son – are you alright? This is daddy – you’re safe now”. He jumped to his feet and ran towards the voice, his daddy picks him up and hugs him tight. He switched on the lights and unlocked the door, grandma and mommy are there petting him and crying tears of joy. The little boy knows he is safe at last.3
Jeremy is now 32 years old and to this day he still bathes - showers and uses the bathroom with the “door wide open”.4
The end5
FifthDove6
Author notes
"Chelsea has pink hair" amber answers quietly when being asked what to put in quotations"
Choice # 3.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
-
Poor kid. I always say that your childhood can haunt you. Cute story.
-
I remember thinking things just like this when I was a kid. Poor Jeremy! I don't blame him for leaving the door open! lol
Sarah -
This is a great little story, at such a young age little things like that do scare us. Enjoyed the read
-
Interesting. Sweet with a twist.
-
Wow...poor kiddo!
Lizzy
-
this is so good,you made it flow all the way through,and for some reson i dont like to shower with the door shut eather.
mabey when i was a young lass i seen the same as he did,who knows.i like this one lots -
very well written
Well written. The fears we experience as children can leave such long lasting scars. Your story was very smooth to read. I will have to come back and browse more of your words.
John -
Thank you very much.
-
I really enjoyed this piece.
When I (and culurien) came up with the idea for this contest, we weren't really expecting anything of this nature...
But I love it, none the less.
It's cute... which is a nice change from all the other entries I recieved.
The ending made me laugh, the little bit about:
"Jeremy is now 32 years old and to this day he still bathes - showers and uses the bathroom with the “door wide open”."
You probably would have placed, had Polyphemus and Cristos not entered- but that's the way the cookie crumbles.
So applaud you for placing 5th in my contest...
congratulations.
-Chelsea -
this is so good i love this story and i love the end of this story as very good job... i loved this and good luck with the contest!
-
Great
Great job! I like the story. -
Awwww I really loved reading this. I was expecting something a little depressing because a lot of people tend to make things depressing, but this was just the best thing to read. I love how you called it a tub monster just as a little child would. You were able to tell the short tale of a child very well. I also enjoy how you ended it by saying that he still kept the door open, just wonderful.
Good Luck!! and thank you for entering our contest.
-Amber -
Poor little guy...I would leave the door open too...Good luck in the contest!
Tammy33
-
sad but cute
Poor Jeremy that would be scary for a little kid. I like this story. I don't blame him for leaving the door open. I still don't have a door knob on my bathroom upstairs. Queen
-
What a sweet very short story it still had a fun beat and rythem to it it flowed like any poem. Great job, I thought I was the only one scared of being locked in, keep up the great work, and thanks for sharing.
Adding your comment:
1 - 15 of 15
