It all started the night when the holy virgin gave birth to her firstborn son.
The son turned out to be... a hedgehog!
The birth was indeed a prickly one, and one of epic-proportions!
But after the birth, all was well, and the virgin ate cookies and drank some vodka.
Oh no, you've got to be kidding me... Another one of those random stories?
"I'm afraid so, yes"
Damn... You filthy ape!
"Take him away!"
Noo... please! NOOOOOOO!
"mVU-HA-HAAHA" *heavy coughing*... "I'm getting to old for this crap..."
Well, the hedgehog was abandoned by his holy family, and was raised by various rodents.
At the age of five he learned the mysterious arts of cheer-leading and kamasutra.
He combined those arts at school, and soon became very popular.
But then, as suddenly as he was conceived, he was abducted by huge flying piccolo-monkeys.
The monkeys flew him back to their hq... In Transylvania!
When they arrived in Transylvania, both the Wizard of rocks and Dr.Acula stood waiting.
Dr.Acula wanted to drain the hedgehogs blood, but the Wizard of rocks had other plans, and threw a rock in Dr.Aculas face, causing him to fall down from a small hill...
As Dr.Acula fell, he accidentally hit a man in a tracksuit that was climbing up a ladder, destroying Transylvanias first expedition to the moon.
Later that month, nothing happened, and I won't even write about it.
But then, suddenly, something happened.
But as I said, I don't really want to write about it.
And then the monkey started playing on his monkey-kazoo... And it didn't even make any sense, so he went to answer the door.
There stood a man, wait, no, it wasn't a man... Or was it?
Anyways, he had the wrong address, and so the monkey got back to playing his kazoo... What about the hedgehog you ask?
Boy, you must really like hedgehogs, don't you?... pervert...
Anyways, she broke her heel, and fell down th stairs.
Then she had to go around in a wheelchair, but it was ok, cause she was a babe...
Back in Transylvania, Dr.Acula had climbed up the small hill again, but accidentally fell down again...
The man in a tracksuit saw him coming this time, and hit himself in the face with a boot, which was really rather unnecessary.
Dr.Acula wondered what had happened when he saw the man in the tracksuit lying there face-down with his boot beside his face, but decided it was best not to ask.
Back on top of the hill, the hedgehog (happy now, pervert?) and the wizard of rocks were having tea.
The hedgehog revealed his name, it was Brent, and they had a good time practicing art-knowledge.
But, unfortunately, Dr.Acula managed to climb up the hill, and he was sweating and drooling, something that attracted the hedgehog.
So, the hedgehog and Dr.Acula made a movie, and they lived happily, for a couple of days.
And after those couple of days, Dr.Acula was attacked and killed by a flying spastic man... or was it plastic... Maybe rubber... Hmm...
Anyway, the hedgehog decided he wanted to move to Paris, so he moved to Hawaii.
In Germany he won a singsong contest, and got to marry the queen of Italy... or was it the pope?
Geeze... Or goose... A goat attacked the pope, and the hedgehog had to move again, so he moved slightly to the left.
"What on earth are you doing to the left? Get back here" said a big pantsless man, so the hedgehog fled.
Many years later, the hedgehog became a famous zebra, after his animal-change operation.
The zebra wrote a successful book, and became the cock of the walk!
As the infamous cock of the walk, the zebra was assassinated by a vengeful monkey, that found hedgehogs more to his liking.
Then the monkey got back to playing his monkey-kazoo, and yet again answered the door.
In the doorstep stood the big pantsless man, accompanied by the wizard of rocks.. They had heard rumors of a party, and the Monkey confirmed it.
Even the new pope was coming. So they all started dancing at the table, accept from the pope of-course, what the hell are you thinking? he doesn't do that! He was a cheerleader.
Anyway, after the party, the monkey married his own right arm, and they lived happily until the hand gave birth, which was really rather odd.
Then they had a divorce at the hospital, and the monkey walked away, leaving the arm alone, until a lusty doctor 'accidentally' slipped into his pocked and took it home... there he put lube on it and... NO!... NO, TELL ME HE DIDN'T!....*shivers* he did....
Anyways, the monkey was fine.
Suddenly, along came a Panther, called Soda... The Panther was a strong, hot one... Female of-course... Hot as H***... What? You can't even say H***? Oh, come on! You D*** F*** who censures! D*** you! M****F****!
Yeah... right, the Panther abducted the monkey, and put him into Rambo 4, where Sly killed the monkey.
Now the Panther was happy... Naughty panther!... Grrrrr...
Panther in stockings... whii.... No.. wait, I can't... It's just... wrong!...
And yeah, it was all really rather silly!
Then, the Panther accidentally slipped into a cave, a cave owned by an extremely evil dentist,named Bob, who couldn't pronounce pantaloons right.
The Panther had to fight the dentist in order to get out, but the dentist grabbed the Panthers cavities, and would not let go!
But as said above, the Panther was strong, so it kinda won the fight... Yeah, thats it!
Then the Panther moved on, and stole a writers ice-cream along the way...
Wait a second... Where the h*** are you going with my ice-cream? Come back here you d***** Panther... Oh, just swell, no I have no ice... D***!
So the Panther settled down and ate Ice-Cream, and had lots of babies... for dessert.
Then, it turned out that one student loved another student!
The first one approached the other one and hit her in the face with a piece of bread.
"Bye, I love you!" He yelled to her, as he ran away in fear.
His stiff nipples managed to break a couple of expensive ming-vases as he ran away, but it went rather well, considering that the nipples were really rather stiff and long for a man.
The next morning, he woke up, and realized that he was no longer a man, he was a country!
The country was of-course very small, and thick, but a country none the less.
But a drunken country like that is never good news, so America blew it away, with a large fan.
Oscar Wilde was suddenly revived, but was hit in the face by the drunken country, and fell right back into his grave, which he found to be
"comforty enough..." ~ Oscar Wilde
And then we move the story, we move it... over here... into a hospital.
In that hospital lies a dentist, named Bob. He has been severely injured, and he has strangely enough gotten PMS.
"This is unique Bob, but I couldn't care less" said the man who read his hospital-journal (the man was not a doctor).
Bob looked at the man with a desperate face...
"You've got to get me out" Bob said, and continued; "The curtains are coming after me... save me from the curtains! EVIL CURTAINS!" He said.
The man laughed, and suddenly stopped laughing. Then he giggled, but stopped again. "Enough with the curtains already!" he cried out, and jumped out of the window.
Unfortunately, the window led out to a steep cliff, and the man (also named Cliff) fell down.
Then a doctor came into the room of the man who loathed the curtains, Bob.
"Have you seen Mr.Richards?" the Doctor asked, Bob pointed towards the window.
"Oh... dang!" The Doctor said, and left.
(The next part is in no way meant to mock or bash God or Religion in any way)
The next day, Bob woke up dead. He had been assassinated by the curtains during the night.
Cliff had almost made his way up from the cliff again, but jumped down, as he thought he saw something shiny at the ground below.
Then God appeared, and brought Cliff up to stay with him and his family for the weekend.
At dinner, God asked Jesus if he had seen the Holy Ghost lately.
"Sorry dad, he's not coming... He's wearing a sheet lately" Jesus said, and continued eating.
Down at earth, the holy ghost was walking around and scaring people... "ooh... holy ghost... ohh... booo!" He said, as he jumped out from behind corners.
"Jesus Christ.." God said as he heard it.
"Don't take my name in vain dad!" Jesus said...
"Sorry... Jizzy Chrizzy" God said.
"Don't call me Jizzy Chrizzy!" Jesus said angrily as he left the table.
"I'm just gonna leave now" said Cliff Richards, who had long since eaten up his food.
But before he left, he wrote a song, and accidentally asked God how his children were doing.
God grabbed his wallet and started showing Cliff pictures of every man and woman on earth, explaining their situation.
Cliff sat there for a pretty long time.
Back at earth, the holy ghost was misunderstood, and sent to prison.
"I was so not flashing!" He yelled, "I was just scaring people!" he said.
A sheriff approached him, "So you just accidentally dropped the sheet?" he asked.
The holy ghost nodded, and was set free... see, the sheriff was gullible.
The next day, nothing happened, but the day after that, alot happened.
And the day after that, and the one after that, and, hehe *can't stop laughing* the one, hehe, after that, hehe, was hilarious!
Anyway...
Well... I'm in a bit of a pickle here... And I can't get out... I'm stuck in a pickle! I hate pickles! Damn!
The End
Author notes
Ment to be random, and I know that it's tame and lame in parts, but I just felt like writing it, so sorry... :/
If you want something good, read some of my other stories
I don't think humor is my strong side
hehe
In a list
A contest entry
- Hey, look...a porcupine!! by Andrew Timothy.
225 points, ended May 1, 2007, 11 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Random Funny Ha Ha by DinoRoar.
100 points, ended August 9, 2008, 15 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Murder Mysteries/ Utter Nonsense. Either one will do!! by Sha Wujing.
250 points, ended September 2, 2008, 9 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - MY TOTALLY FREAKIN AWESOME HILARIOUS CONTEST OF DOOM, DEATH, AND AGONY!!!! by Patchwork Comedy.
1000 points, ended October 20, 53 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I am SO sick of sad stories. by Everpurple.
100 points, ended July 21, 31 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - MushroomVille (Enter Your Best Random, Funny Stories) by shtwyturtle.
220 points, ended August 31, 40 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 39 of 39
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Oooh... well... here's what I have to say:
First: Thank you soooo much for entering the contest. The Queen certainly had a laugh while reading it.
Second: Only problem... it's past the limit by over 600 words! That's a whole lot...
Third: Good job, either way. Thank you for entering. -
*looks up* after reading the last one, Im not surprised.
not in the least
this was as random as teh fisrt and
kinda funny but, to be honest it was quite difficult to follow, although I cant count you off for it because, like...
I called for randomness and spontanaeity, so good job on handing me avery large bucket of it.
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That was awesome!! Vey nice. It definitely has 'Random S***' written all over it.
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BAHAHAHAHAH!!! -laughing w/ tears- omge. that made no sense. xDDD
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oh. my. god. this is the 4th story i've read so far for the contests, and so far it's the most random and funniest. good job it's totally what the contest was about. i was laughing the whole time because it all made NO SENSE but that's what's I asked for, and that's what you did.
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Looking back at this, I realize that it's even worse than I initially thought
This does not deserve the paper it's written on... Fortunately there is no paper involved...
I also realize that I have here taken 2-3 Eddie Izzard jokes and a Mad Magazine joke + other stuff that was never really my idea... And I hate that... So yeah, I'll leave this up because no one ever looks at it anymore... But if you happen to come across this, you're better off ignoring it
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Wow..... this sucks... Oh god it sucks....
And that's what I was looking for. -
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And that's why I entered it =P
Hope it was bad enough =)
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Very... well... um... ??? Funny yes thats the word, and random, and dare I ask how are the curtians?
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its a pretty good story, but it was realy confussing, and i didnt think it was that funny
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How do you wake up dead???
Dude, that was awesome and had me laughing
Random humor is probably my favorite (it's so easy to understand!) Thanks for entering and good luck
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I've already read this story, but I'd still have to say what I said the first time. It's a bit choppy in places. Anyway, good luck in my contest.
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...I don't even know what to say. It was soo...random. I mean...
I think I...I don't even know what I think. Hmmm. *offers a starburst*
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ARGH!
OMG! HOW RANDOM DO YOU GET! YOU'RE A RANDOM PERSON! aND HOW'D THE POPE DIE AND COME TO THE PARTY? AhHhHhHhH! -
OMG! I was still reading and... I can't understand! The queen... pope... nooo... zebra... how'd the arm get removed?.... umm... very... random...
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OMG! This is so WEIRD! Good-bye story! I can't stand weird! (Nah, I like weird, but I still won't stay
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Awesome, so far..
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RANDOMENEZ! WOOT
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That's just the trouble, its so random and many youthful writers are writing random it is not only not a surprise it is already played. The problem with this type of humor is that you have to be the first and then you have to move on when everyone else copies you. This certainly has its elements of humor and was a fine story in its time.
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this was really random, but I loved it you should make more like this one
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Hehe, I actually have a story called: A story that is so random, it's almost sad
And I'm working on a third part
Thanks for liking it
And thanks for the comment!
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this is so random it is boarderline evil lol i love it!!!!! its so random, you have no idea wats going on!!!!!!the picture is creepy tho. not joking.
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Very funny indeed. very random 2! good luck!
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lol the ending of it Was very good. I enjoyed reading this piece very much. Lol had to look twice at the picture!
Kari
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This was pretty good. I like the randomness of it, but it's a little choppy in spots. You probably just kept writing without stopping, and never went back to correct. (If I'm wrong, I'm wrong) I like Dr. Acula, that was pretty creative. Good luck with the contest.
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Hehe, you are correct
This one I just wrote and wrote.. and then I posted
Hehe, thanks =)
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I was literally making that face through the entire story. My eye is all cramped now. Wow. My brain is scrambled. So the moral is that I'm like the Jesus of hedgehogs? Or zebras. My only gripe is that you call me a babe at one point and start marrying me to random men...that's soda's job. And I'm a straight hedgehog. Or zebra.
Wow.
I need to go put my brain back together, I hope it came with reassembly instructions. Maybe it works like legos. Maybe I should walk this off cause I'm a little dazed. You are nuts dude.
Pecans.
Almonds even.
And I wouldn't just say that, I know some real cashews, if you know what I mean.
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Hehe
I have no recollection of calling you a babe, but I do know you married the pope After all, you were holy
Hehe, I remember calling the Panther (Soda) a hottie though
And btw, I hope you manage to reassemble that brain of yours
And yeah, I'm quite know for my nuts here in Norway...
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Was just informed that SW ate the face from my first comment, which is now readded for you viewing pleasure.
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Hehe, I know
I saw it the first time, but then it just disappeared...
Weird..
Hehe, but thanks for readding it, much appriciated
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Well.... This is... random. There were a handful of spelling eroors and it would be easier to read if the story was structured into paragraphs. But, overall, this is another of those insane stories. But I kinda like Brent as a hedgehog.
Anyway, thanks for entering my contest.
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Nice... humorous... me and my friend wrote a really random one sentence story... how do you make a story with one sentence you ask? Well it's pretty easy because you just add a whole munch of stuff.... It takes up like a whole page... lol... i love the randomness!!!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Hehe
Random is good... sometimes
Thanks
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Random indeed! :D
Haha! WHen you say, random, it really is random! You have so many characters in there, and LOL you killed the hedgehog aka Brent, aka the zebra!!!! Nooooo! No killing friends! and, well, at least you didn't kill me ^_^ THe panther got the ice cream, woot! BUT she also got held by her cavities >_> panthers can have cavities??? you've opened up a whole new world for me, Drac You claim it was lame, I say not - you COULD try shortening it since funny stuff could be absorbed more if shorter hope to get more from you!
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Sry for killing Brent, I forgot to revive him
And, you know I would never kill you, hey!
Hehe, apparently panthers do have cavities (Too much Ice Cream)
It was supposed to be shorter, but it just got out of hand
Hehe, and oh, yes, there will be more... oh yes, there will be more!
(Probably not much more randomness though... More serious things instead)
Thanks for the comment
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Yes, revive Brent - maybe in a sequel? and YES, don't kill me ^_^ if I'm killed, the world will end You are welcome, btw
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I'll never kill you
hehe, sequel.. hmm, sounds interesting...
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i think my brain aches now...wow....
but it was funny....and i would have fallen out of my seat if i hadn't been surounded in people
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Hehe, thanks alot
But where are you now? Again surrounded by people?
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