Prologue
Shaun kicked and thrashed her six year old body into a mock convulsion. It was so bad, Marylin, the case worker, got a bloodied lip.
"I know you dont want to go, but you cant stay here, you need a family to take care of you." Marylin shouted to the frightened girl.
~~~~~ ~~~~~ ~~~~~
This case was so much unlike any case she handled, being fairly new to the world of being a social worker. The situation started witht he mother, an abusive, alcoholic, drug addict. The father was passive dependent, and ignorent of all problems. A switch of the normal gender roles. The had two girls, Aryana who was sixteen, and Shaun who was just sic. Aryana ran away with her boyfriend three months before we got involved.
We called the house, the night before we were going to pick up Shaun, and the call seemed to go okay. What we didnt know is that all hell broke loose after that phone call.
When we got to the house the next morning, every piece of furniture was over turned, and as we walked further into the mess we found a bloody room, with two dead adults in it, and a very bloody, but very alive, little girl. She was shaking and crying.
"Hi Shaun, my name is Marylin. Im here to take you out of this."
She said nothing, she just sat there, staring at a corner of the room. In that corner there was a painted sun, ironically smiling back at the small child
Author notes
I wrote this while in science class today....theres more to it but I want to finish a whole part before posting it....so yeah I hope you guys like it, if any of you actually read my stuff
The things I should be doing in science class arent as good as the things I really do in science class....hehe
Comments
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I like to get the tech stuff over with first so I can concentrate on the actual story so here goes....besides the ones caught by Lov3,
I know you dont -- don't
and ignorent -- ignorant
What we didnt know -- didn't
Im here to take -- I'm
Also, if you run your work thru the spell checker you'll catch most of the spelling errors.
Just guessing here but the way to describe the temper tantrum, you probably have a younger sibling. I remember some of the ones my sister threw and that's a perfect description of it.
and Shaun who was just six. is a repeat of what you already said in the first sentence. Maybe reword it?
It's a great start and I'm looking forward to seeing where you take this story.
I think it might be a little early for me to think on a title until I can see where the story is going.
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I have to agree, Painted Sun sounds like a name for the story. The write was also very good. Few things:
Witht he mother~ with the mother
The had two girls~ They had two girls
Shaun who was just sic~ just six
Other than that, awesome write!
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you could use 'mock convulsion' or 'painted sun' as titles...those just sound interestin got me as i read it...
it is an interesting story so far, aside form a few errors....
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