Moon Dancer

MOON DANCER

A prose poem by

ROBERT DAVIDSON

Tonight I walk the beach to the stone jetty where my boat is moored. Moonlight caressing waves causes a quivering pulsation of light over water.

Looking out over the curve of the bay I see the moth-like figure of a girl dancing on the shore. She pirouettes, advancing retreating, as moonlit waves wash shimmering sand. A slight wind from the sea blows through her hair moulding her dress to her body. Her movements captivate.

She comes up to me and all woman she is. Her breasts rise and fall as she speaks and we soon become as one - pressed together in the dance, my love-kiss finding her mouth. The white moon at full inspires emotion and for a night she becomes my passion as smooth the bare flesh I feel her body surrender. She cries as sensuality washes over her in multiple waves. Her breath warm in my ear.

This is where I belong, spoke my heart. But many are the moods of the moon, the wind having risen with the turn of the tide. And as a moonbeam glides across a wave, she slips from me saying, I never said forever.

My heart sinks like a stone flung into a deep pool. She drifts away from me, a withered leaf on the edge of a storm. My passion shipwrecked, my voice - a drowning sailor’s call.

Copyright 2006 http://www.robertdavidson.blogsource.com

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 21 of 21

  • GrimDeath
    August 24, 2008
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    Very well written. Thank you for entering and good Luck.


  • dark-fantasies
    June 13, 2008

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    Interesting... you really did manage to put a twist on fantasy. The imagery and descriptions were wonderful, and I loved the use of them in this. Wonderful job.


  • Prodigious.Mirth
    April 27, 2008

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    This was absoloughtly indulgent.. i felt like I was being lifted of a cloud into a word full of such sensuality and tasteful love

    ~well done~
    good luck
    Thanks for entering my contest

    Blair


  • Jouven
    January 29, 2008
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    "moth-life figure of a girl dancing" that description stuck with me.

    I focused on the descriptions for this contst but I can't help but be drawn into the story. I hope I caught the metaphors and symbolism that you wanted out of this story. Thanks for the entry.


  • RedHearts
    September 14, 2007

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    This poem has the label 'Erotica', so first I thought its not fit for my contest, but then on reading it I realized it doesn't have the descriptions I was afraid it might.Very sweet. So, good job, and Good luck in the contest.


  • aloominum
    September 10, 2007

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    Very in depth, I cant imagine what you were thinking about when you wrote this...lol

    I liked it, its very pretty


  • Miss Hanako Cullen
    August 15, 2007

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    Very Sweet

    I thought this poem was very sweet. You brought Sexuality through without making it raunchy or typical.
    Very well done!

    Bravo!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • heartfullofvenom
    July 14, 2007
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    simply beautiful.


  • Rosemary silver member
    July 3, 2007
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    Good poem

    It was very vivid. Good luck with the contest.


  • Bitter Irony
    June 15, 2007

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    First things first. I'm sure you're tired of hearing this said about this poem by now, but here goes: nice imagery. :-)

    There's quite a bit to compliment about this piece: everything, from the author's tone to the word choice, demonstrates a competence and confidance that's very rare even amoung published poems. For that reason, I'm going to jump right ahead to the criticism.

    Some of your words seem to have come from a thesarus rather than the poetic part of a writer's mind: for example, "quivering pulsation" in the first paragraph/stanza. While I enjoyed most of this poem, I physically winced when I saw those words. It isn't quite purple prose, but it isn't very fluid and pleasant sounding, either.

    "advancing retreating" For most of this prose poem, you follow the rules of English prose as far as grammar et cetera. Why, then, did you not include a comma between these two words? I'm fine if you make a stylistic choice like that, just be consistant.

    "love-kiss" Why not just say kiss? The reader knows it's a sensual kiss: you don't need to spell it out for them. I understand what you were trying to say, but it really seems silly to have this strange half-breed word in an otherwise exceptionally polished work.

    "multiple waves" Waves is a plural word: you don't need to say multiple.

    My verdict: publishable. But it really couldn't hurt to tone down the melodrama. When in doubt, keep it sublte.

    Thanks for entering the contest, and good luck!

    beginning: 2, language: 2, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 2, characters: 3.


  • kelseyo
    April 18, 2007

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    Great imagery here. I could really see all that was happening. Awesome job!
    Thanks for entering!
    Kelsey


  • McrSAVEDmyLIFE
    April 18, 2007

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    That's really good. I like the imagery. What the heck is a "stone jetty"? Anyways, I really like how it was presented.


  • asthray.heart
    April 14, 2007

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    Naw

    Seduces you in, has her way with you then leaves you...sounds like the way of a male there.
    Nice job but and use of words and sensuality.

    Good luck in the contest.

    Lady Madeline.

  • Grizzly Gus
    April 5, 2007
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    'my passion as smooth the bare flesh I feel her body surrender'

    Was there supposed to be an 'as' in there?

    You would know.

    Maybe I'm not that sentimental or emotional as others but I thought it was nice. I especially liked the part about the breasts going up and down. It peaked my interest.

    beginning: 3, language: 2, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 3.


  • Gbanger
    March 23, 2007

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    Fantastic

    I could really feel the emotions in this and it was captivating. I especially loved the line:
    "And as a moonbeam glides across a wave, she slips from me saying, I never said forever."
    It really subtly changes the mood of it leading into the ending. I thought it was splendid how smooth the transistion seemed.
    Great work.


  • Violet Moodswing Greeters member
    March 4, 2007

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    Welcome to StoryWrite

    And thanks for your entry in the New Member's contest. I very much enjoyed the write. It is melodic and vivid.

    Best of luck in the contest.


  • QueenWolf
    March 3, 2007

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    Wow well written, you have a smooth flow and great detail. Great work! Good luck in the contest.

    ~Princess~


  • EtherealButterfly
    March 2, 2007
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    This is breathtakingly beautiful. Good job.


  • nichtmich
    February 27, 2007

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    Romantic

    A dreamy story of fantasy and love. I liked the rythem of your words and descriptions. I'll admit, I was a bit surprised as I noticed the contest rules said strictly G-rated. Still, a good write.

    beginning: 4, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 3.


  • playjazz67
    February 22, 2007

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    Loved your pull and play at the beginning, leaving the moon as your fleeting lover there for all to know yet feel.

    beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 4.


  • SageSyren Greeters member
    February 21, 2007

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    Beautifully written. I love the whole moonlight on water play and the descriptions were wonderful.
    ~*Brooke*~

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