Leda and Her Demon Lover

LEDA AND HER DEMON LOVER.1

By ROBERT DAVIDSON.2


Mirrors are living lies, Leda Angelopoulos thought. They reflect only
the outside. And not the fiend living within.3

Leda stopped a moment to look into her dressing-table mirror. At
times she felt there was another person, other than herself, her
everyday self that she knew so well, looking back at her. To her, this
was the self she feared - one that she had many times tried to ignore,
and yet here it was at this moment attempting to assert itself. She
shuddered and turned away from the glass.4


Often she would find herself wrestling with thoughts that would come
against her will. Like longing for some bronzed athlete, more virile
than Mars or even Priapus himself. Thinking such thoughts, crude,
even obscene thoughts that she had never realized herself capable.
And always she felt that these lower thoughts, as she called them,
were a corrosion of, or a threat to her better self, the self she saw
herself as being. Passions that struck like a sharp=pointed knife. As
though she were possessed by a demon.5

Leda finished applying her make-up and leaned back to survey herself critically in the glass. Why, she thought, had she chosen such a violent orange lipstick, so at odds with her olive complexion? And her cheekbones heavily reddened? And that mascara and eye-shadow? Oh, well, there wasn’t time to change it now. Gordon Pettibone would be waiting for her outside in the car, would be upset if she was late again. She smoothed down her dress as she stood to leave the room. She turned, took one last look at her reflection. But, strange to say, she could not see herself at all. Perhaps it was a trick of the light, for there was only a dark shadow where her face had been.6

Her mobile rang as she came downstairs. It was Gordon saying he had been held up at the office and would not be able to pick her up for at least another hour. And there she was, all dressed up and waiting. Well, she would walk down to the shops to fill in the time. Perhaps check out the new café in the High Street.7

She smiled at her reflection in shop windows as she passed. Her dress clung to her figure in a way she hadn’t noticed before. She knew that Gordon Pettibone wouldn’t like that. He was a bit of a prude and didn’t like her showing off her body in public. Outside the newsagency a headline caught her eye, ‘Serial killer strikes again!’ But her attention was distracted by a couple of hoons in a car whistling as she crossed at the traffic lights. But she didn’t mind so much tonight. Although in the past, she always hated it when men behaved.8

Some minutes later a man came into the café and sat down at the vacant seat at her table. He was not unknown to her. It was, in fact, a man she knew as Spiridon, who worked in the same office building as herself.9

As Spiridon was twice her age Leda was sure Gordon would not mind her talking to him. His pitchblende eyes - so black and hard - were taking in her whole body as she talked, seeing it as a promised land, no doubt. A disconcerting stare, she felt. His voice was silk-smooth, his vibrant tones a caress.10

She felt his difference from herself. They had left the café and were walking through a park towards the beach. It was like walking at the bottom of some dusty, flowering garden in Hades, she thought. And she an escaping Persephone. ‘A man’s nature will get the better of him,’ he was saying. In the moonlight his eyelids looked as solid as stone. Her hips brushing against him as they walked.11

‘In the animal world,’ he went on to say, ‘it’s nature’s decree the male should dominate.’12

Leda turned to him and laughed as she said, ‘The higher primates have progressed, evolved beyond that.’13

And then she was refusing him her mouth. But shocked. Leda was forced to admit to herself that while her mind rebelled her body desired. Her indignation, he would know, concealed an unconscious excitement. He would know only too well he had aroused that other side of herself, the self she had seen in her mirror. What power was this man exerting upon her? His breath against her face. The nearness of his body. She needed to defend herself, not so much against him as against herself. It was as though she had crashed the door of some Bluebeard’s chamber. Her hand was stiffening in his hand, his thumb passing over her fingers and up to her wrist.14

And now, each time she raised her eyes, she found his eyes waiting to meet hers. In the end, the thing that she hadn’t wanted to happen, yet inwardly wanted so much to happen, happened. She looked up. Eyes met. Mouths joined. He had locked his fingers in hers.15

‘It’s too strong for either of us,’ Spiridon was saying. She felt a chill in her spine. Shuddered. Impelled by some force over which she had no control. It held sway over her will. A strong magnetic quality that attracted and drew her inexorably to him. His body against hers. There was no escape. His face was set, her eyes brittle.16

The sea is a vast looking-glass reflecting moonlight and shadows, Leda thought as they sat together on the beach. And she found herself lost in a puzzle of moon-shadows. I don’t want to, but I do. She was struggling with herself. Her inner self was imagining his tongue upon her mouth and was picturing the interlock of his body with hers. She felt she was opening up her whole inner secret self as she lay on the sand.17

All at once she was startled and tried to sit up. He was pushing her hand away as she tried to touch the front of his trousers.18

It was then that she saw his knife. She was able to scream only once before he put his other hand over his mouth. The knife entered her throat cutting the jugular in a spurt of blood.19

Copyright 2007 robertdavidson. All rights reserved.20

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A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
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Comments

1 - 76 of 76

  • Lady Pixie Greeters member
    September 1

    Edit | Reply
    Well this was a good read, needless to say. The building of the storyline was nicely done... and the abrupt ending made it shout "powerful". Your descriptions gave good visuals also

    However, I did see some errors- mostly involving punctuation or a typo.

    P5: Passions that struck like a sharp=pointed knife

    sharp-pointed

    P8: Although in the past, she always hated it when men behaved

    I think you meant to say 'misbehaved' instead of behaved here.

    I see you've also been in a numerous amount of contests with this piece since you've posted it. Although, I don't personally care or count it against anyone- some judges would be put off by the endless list of contests, so I always make a simple suggestion that you can remove it if the contest is over and judged (I always just keep the ones with the trophies up) and it takes some of that long list away.


    I hope you didn't mind my suggestions and thank you for entering this in my contest Good luck



    Pixie


  • Duality.
    May 17

    Edit | Reply

    wow...

    that was great! I really liked it. I'm not sure which prompts it goes with....
    maybe death and betrayal? That's it. Thank you so much!


  • UnicornGargoyle
    September 22, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Some of the sentences go on too much, there's too many commas. I suggest going through and breaking up those sentances so that they don't seem to drag on so much.

    In the third major paragraph, you have "=" in between sharp and pointed.

    It would have been nice if there was a little more backstory to Leda and to her connection to the other man. Other than that, not a bad story


  • Oddems.
    September 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wonderful story - I remember stumbling upon this once before and still like it. Your writing was excellent, the plot and descriptions were flawless. You did a fantastic job, thank you for entering. Good luck!

    PR


  • Phoenix Slave
    September 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Nice piece of writing, but you didn't read the rules of my contest, did you? I'm sorry to say that I'll have to disqualify you. You didn't respect any of the rules. Except the one with 'no poetry'. Sorry.
    P.S.: I liked how you described her make-up.


  • Iris Doyle
    September 5, 2008

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    wow. thats crazy. brilliant! i loved it. but crazy. haha amazing detail. you did a great job! excellent. good luck in my contest!


  • Boondock Saint
    August 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    wow that was a bloody twist if i do say so myself. the only forshadow was that headline lol. i didnt see that coming i have to admit. i loved this piece. thank you for entering.


  • Hellcat Metal
    July 21, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow this was good. I love how you made her notice the headline in the paper and then the serial killer, who she happened to know, had her for his target. And it makes sense too, since they work together. I LOVE the fourth paragraph at the beginning. I just love how you described her reflection and how she viewed and questioned herself on why she had put on her makeup and such. This was a great read and very well written! Good luck in the contest and thanks for entering!


    • Iris Doyle
      September 5, 2008
      Edit | Reply
      i know this is totally random...but i love your profile pic. did you take it?


      • Hellcat Metal
        September 5, 2008
        Edit | Reply
        Hi. Yes I took that picture while I was outside where I work. Thought I'd add the heart. Glad you like it.


  • Friesian
    July 4, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Ahhh!

    Frightening! Scary! Serial-killer give me the creeps! To think that just when she was comfortable around him, he...Wow! Shocking! The end was perfect! Excellent job!


  • Oleander
    July 2, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    I can't believe how good this is. Sadly, I have an intense fear of serial killers. The ending was beautifully painted. Good luck.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • DeathNoteYaoi
    June 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    very good story wow thax for the stroy


  • WritersEffigy gold member
    June 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Well thats no fair.

    Poor girl, she just wanted some lovin'!

    Oh well.

    Thanks for your entry!


  • Melancholic Smile
    June 19, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Great read, good story and good twist! I didn't see the ending coming, if I had known it would have ended in death I would have believed it would have been Leda doing it as every so often you got the impression men simply annoyed her! So it was a great surprise ending and I wish you luck in my contest. Thanks for entering!


  • Reaver Greeters member
    June 16, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    I honestly loved the idea of this story, but the environment was semi-confused.  At times, i had to re-read segments to fully understand what was happening. 

    Just to help the reader out, it helps if character thoughts are italicized.  or marked in some other way. 

    I wouldn't have thought this story would end in death, but that was a nice surprise, compelling to say the least.  :) 

    Overall good concept and strong voice, just confused at times.

    Thanks for entering.

    I enjoyed the story line:) 

    Durian


  • Vanilla King
    June 6, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very good story, impressive!
    Though I don't see how this relates to my contest, as I asked for happy stories... So I'm going to DQ you, sorry!

    The story itself is very good though, I am happy I got to read it!
    Good luck!


  • Swords of Ireland
    June 3, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very nice, I like it alot, the ending was a twist, but a good one, thanks for entering!

    Damian


  • Ghost of a Siren
    June 3, 2008

    Edit | Reply

    Unique

    Well, I wasn't expecting the ending. A very interesting tale, and I like your writing style. You really made the characters believable.

    I just saw one problem.

    "She felt his difference from herself. They had left the café and were walking though a park down towards the beach."

    I think you meant "walking through"


  • moonwriter
    April 25, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    This was really good. I was cringing at the ned though. It just kind of threw me off a little. Actually, I did kinda see the ending coming, but I don't mind that. It was a good story with good imagery and descriptions.


  • MalevolentDesire
    April 17, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    This was very well written. The imagery and word use was great. However, it's not what I was looking for in this contest. I need something darker, something that would keep me on the edge of my seat the whole time. To me, this was just a romance story with a little death.

    Thank you for your entry and good luck.


  • Natalie-
    April 13, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, well that was not what I was expecting. I guess it was good in a completely twisted and dark sort of way, G' luck in the contest.

    plot: 5.


  • tallblondie gold member
    April 2, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Good use of the red herring, nice to see a unique victim's POV. Well written and executed, but not nearly what I hoped for. Death - check, dark - check, deep - check, disturbing - no. Good twist at the end though.

    Thank you for your entry and good luck!


  • darkangel7567
    March 12, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    That was crazy, in a good way. her character is amazing. I love the way she thinks and the part where she can't see herself in the mirror. The ending blew me away!


  • Vixen7
    March 9, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Gut renching twist at the end. A well executed story that works very well. Thankyou for entering.


  • Prodigious.Mirth
    March 8, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Gruesome.... I can say I guess... what a freaking shocker that one was.. ^.^ very well written, interstingly enough.. does pass the test so ****four stars 4 you

    goodluck
    thanks for entering
    BLAIR
    ~P.M!~


  • Bells Kelly
    March 4, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    That was... I was... WOW! what a crazy twist! man that was good.
    Wasn't expecting that end


  • IntrepidFantasy Greeters member
    February 7, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Very interesting story indeed. I certainly never would have expected that twist at the end of it.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • xBitterxSweetx
    February 5, 2008

    Edit | Reply
    Very interesting indeed. That was a crazy twist at the end. I found several fragments that can be fixed by joining them to the previous sentence with a [;]. Thanks for entering!


  • Oblivion Kitty God silver member
    January 25, 2008
    Edit | Reply
    Dang, what contest haven't you entered this into? I'm kidding. It was great. I liked it, I really did. I remember vaguely reading this before as it was an entry to one of my other contests way back when.

    Anyway, for a horror story, it doesn't quite fit. It's more of a pyschological story than anything else. I still find it wonderfully written, but personally I don't think it fits the contest. Don't be discouraged, though, there are 3 other judges and just because I say something, doesn't mean they agree.

    Thanks for entering.


  • Toxic Paradox
    January 23, 2008
    Edit | Reply

    Wow...

    Short and... not so sweet... definitely fits the 'horror' bill!

    You could easily expand this into a longe story, by making more of Spiridon and getting more out of your characters.

    Overall I really liked this - very intriguing and dark. Black and sweet as treacle. Loverrrrrly.

    Thanks for entering my contest

    -T.P.xxx


  • Zach...thats me
    December 29, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    wonderful job..i liked it and congrats on all thoughs trophies


  • caitlinstephanie
    December 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    great job!!!! wow!!! good ending why must you leave me so soon!!!!????!!!!?????


  • hllykat
    November 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    It ended too soon!

    OH, how I wish it would not have ended where it did! It's a good read, but I really, really wanted to see more about her death! I would like to have seen more gore, but I enjoyed it nevertheless.


  • sheatethewholeworld
    October 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    nicely done. i'll admit i got a bit confused at times but i think that was a fault of mine rather than yours. would have liked more description of the happenings between leda and spiridon but hey, subtlty works well in this case. didnt see the end coming but was very much impressed by it. thanks for entering.


  • Andy Stephenson gold member
    September 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Pretty well written.

    There was a long build up to get to the end. I suspected when you mentioned serial killer, that she would become his victim. I felt that the ending was too brief. Anyway, it was a good story and well written.

    Andy

  • Baba Jojo
    September 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this was a nice entry. good job on this. gosh and good lucj wigth ALL those contests.


  • Synthetic-Nightmare
    September 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    THIS IS AMAZING!!!!!!!!!! ABSOLUTELY STUNNING AND BREATH TAKING. I LOVE THE MANNER OF DEATH AS WELL.....i could feel the suspence building as i read. Kudos on this, and good luck!


  • Mel-the-Believer
    August 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This was a really great story. Unfortunately it's not a Psych fanfic. Thanks for entering though. God Bless!


  • JuliaAlexandrovna
    August 3, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    *cough* Ahem. Squirrels?

    I really enjoyed the imagery of the mirror. I think the dialogue would be more efficient, though, if you were to actually quote them.

    Thanks for entering and good luck.

    x Julez

  • CasperQueenofHoochie
    July 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow. You have an amazing style. Everything flows and I love how much detail you put in. No wonder you've entered it in so many contests ^_^

    thanks for entering and good luck!


  • sly fox
    July 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    creepy

    i guess she should have listened to the news about that serial killer. it was a great write. I loved it. it flowed well and left no ends dangling. you kept my eyes on the prize. Great write. keep it up.

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • crosscountry07 gold member
    July 26, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Great write. which song inspired it?


  • Violet Moodswing Greeters member
    July 13, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Thanks for your entry

    Good detail and it moves quickly enough so as to keep my attention. Nicely done.

    Best of luck in the contest


  • Elvenfairy
    July 13, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    this was a very interesting story. Thanks for entering it into my contest. Good luck!~

  • Oblivion Kitty God silver member
    July 7, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Damn, you've been in a lot of contests with this story. Anyway, it is good, and very well detailed. Good job on this. I didn't find any spelling or gammatical errors, though I suck at looking for them. Good job and keep it up. Thanks for entering.


  • sodancewithsoda silver member
    July 7, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Leda seems like such a mysterious woman ^_^ she mystified me, and I particularly like the beginning, how she said the mirror lies... Hmm.. I personally have a love-hate relationship with the mirros sometimes, I can stare at it for hours, often times, I'd look at it and want to break it. but yeah, illusions and tricks are often done with mirrors so Leda just might be right.

    This is a very fascinating piece ^_^ I just wish the conversations were in quotation marks (but that is a personaly preference )
    THanks for entering!
    Good luck with the contest!


  • Barbara Moderators member
    July 5, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    A very interesting story. I found that I had to reread it in a few places as it seemed to jump a bit at times. I wasn't expecting the ending, but at the same time, I was...and that' a sign of a good story.

    Thank you for entering, and good luck with the contet


  • RedTalon
    June 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Amazing

    I laughed at the fact that this piece had been entered in so many contests. I see it won a gold...a bronze...and four honorable mentions. Good job.

    I really liked this story. I've tried so often to write in the adult category, but I've never been able to do a good job with it. The image of Leda was fantastic...too bad she died in the end.

    Well, good luck in the contest. I enjoyed reading this work.


  • Saej silver member
    June 24, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    very good, very well written, though somewhat predictable. Good job, and good luck in the contest.


  • SageSyren Greeters member
    June 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I knew I should have read this before. And I kept meaning to, but life just gets in the way sometimes. Wonderful descriptions and wow the twists. Good luck in the contest and thanks for entering.
    ~*Brooke*~☺

  • Jinxgirl
    June 17, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    interesting... very detailed and horrifying. thanks for entering, but i am no longer having his contest and so will remove this


  • Drakenwrite
    June 4, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    ^.^

    I remember reading this from before. It fits very well within the confines of the Contest rules. Creative and quite a plot twist. *grins*

    beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 4, characters: 5.


  • katiefran
    May 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    very nicely done. i enjoyed the whole thing and ended up being a little creeped out as well, which is what i was looking for. nice foreshadowing about the serial killer. it didn't even connect until the end. thanks for entering my contest and goodluck!


  • Miss Chell
    May 18, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was nothing short of amazing! I love how in the begining the pace is slow(not bad) and it's making you think..following every word with this anticipation of what's going to happen next?!

    While I was reading the middle portion, I was picturing it so well, that I really felt like I wasn't reading. I loved the contrast between what he was saying to what she was thinking.

    Thank you for entering my contest

  • werner1221
    May 15, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    amazingly written. like a couple of other stories i saw the twist coming. dont get me wrong though, i liked it. gl in my contest.


  • Phoenix Orion
    May 8, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was an interesting story for sure. But it isn't anywhere near what I was looking for. In fact it shattered the fourth rule of my contest which is "4. It must be from the point of view of the Villain." I'm sorry but this isn't what the contest was about, becuase we know nothing of the villain. It almost seems like you just entered it into every contest you could, and I don't think thats right.
    Now even though it didn't fit into my contest I liked it, it was interesting. Though the sentance that had "the thing she didn’t want to happen yet wanted to happen, happened" didn't flow well at all, I had to read more than once because the "happen happen happened" just threw me off, you need some other word there, you need to be descriptive without being repetitive.
    Speaking of descriptive, you might want to think about describing your other characters more.
    Finally don't keep using Gordon Pettibone, it doesn't really flow when you keep using his full name. If you don't understand what i mean then sometime when you are talking to someone constantly use full names when referencing people, you'll notice how fake and choppy it sounds.
    Over all though good story, it just doens't fit the contest.


  • Blackwings
    April 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    OMG!!!!! WOW!!!! this was soooooo good!!!! I wanna read more!!!!! I will hunt you down!!!!JK!!! I rele liked this story!!! It kept me entertained till the end!!!! I really loved it nicely done and good LUck thanks sooooo much for entering

  • Drakenwrite
    April 27, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Intriguing.

    I like the flow of this Story.

    There are a few typos that interupted the generel flow and flavor fo this tale, as I had to stop and re-read portions of it to infere what some of the words were.

    Other then that, I liked the feeling of it. The sudden twist at the end made me think of several other ways this could have ended. It would have made a great werewolf or vampire story, or been the opening to a larger story as it hinted at a serial killer. Yet in its short simplicity, it packs a bigger punch.

    Very nice!


  • illegalfairy
    April 12, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    i liked this. i liked how you gave hints bout the serial killer then went to kill off the main character. Good job and thank you for entering the contest.


  • nichtmich
    April 11, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    Congratulations on the Bronze!


  • LostShadow silver member
    April 7, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    It was good, but ended quite abruptly. Great descriptions

    Good luck in the contest.

     

    Em

  • Mel-the-Believer
    April 1, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    This was a very good write. I liked it a lot. Well written. Good job with that. Thanks for entering. Good luck. God Bless!


  • roars-in-public
    March 31, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    …I like the first line. You get coolness points for the first line.
    They seem to teleport, sometimes… perhaps this wants page breaks? Perhaps you mean it for effect? Hmm… maybe it's just me.
    It… ends abruptly. Suddenly – and unexpected. In an unexpected way? You also get coolness points for – dare I say it? – killing a main character.
    I liked this story. This genre, even this writing style is something I'd usually avoid altogether. But I like this story… thanks for entering.


  • On.Cue
    March 31, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I knew I've read this before =) You entered it in one of my prior contest. Same thing: great descriptions and the beginning catched my attention. Mirrors are living lies.

    Good job and thanks for entering my contest =)


  • KingWolf
    March 30, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Interesting tale. Loved the way you used the idea that the people we know are usually the ones who did it. Very fine detail that gave a great amount of suspense. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.


  • Andrew Timothy
    March 29, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Wow, what an ending to a very well written story! you really got into the character and the problems in her mind with the mirror. But, ending as the guy being the crazy person really switches things up. i really liked this


  • Delfishie
    March 26, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    hmmmm

    You wrote this very well. The sexual tension between Leda and the serial killer was awesome, although I really wanted to reach through the screen and slap him for his stupid 'all women want to be dominated' schlock. Maybe killer-boy read too much Taming of the Shrew as a child. Although, more likely de Sade. ....Who I also want to slap, but I can't since he's dead. Alas alas. What a jerk. Justine deserved a happy life! (/rant. Sorry!)

    I really liked the differences in Leda's character from your average serial-killer-victim. The make-up thing was AWESOME in giving us more of an understanding about her character. Normally I dislike passive female characters, but Leda was friggin realistic! She claimed that she wasn't subservient to men, yet she seemed to look upon her date with Gordon as the main claim to her day. She normally gets mad when men look at her and make comments, yet she also occasionally doesn't mind.

    I've soooo met girls like this before.

    So great job with the characterization. Sucks that she's dead, because I would have liked to read more about her. ...Although maybe she isn't dead! Many people have had their throats cut and, with quick actions, their lives have been saved. ....Heh. Doubtful, I know.

    Great story.

  • Oblivion Kitty God silver member
    March 22, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    A wonderfully written story, very well done. The images were very clear, as were the discriptions. Thank you for entering my contest. I'll let you know if you're in the finalists towards the end of the contest.


  • Gbanger
    March 21, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Fantastic

    I loved this, absolutely adore it. The ending was spectacular though we get an inkling of it when you mention the newspaper heading.
    I liked how the story differed throguh different aspects like it really was the last hours of someone's life and only the smalls things were noticed.
    Grade A.

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 4, characters: 5.

  • neurossection
    March 12, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    ooo, i liked that a lot. the ending was really unexpected, considering there were a lot of ways this story could've gone. it was really chilling, but your descriptions were all really sleek and compelling. great story!

  • nichtmich
    March 10, 2007
    Edit | Reply

    Gulp

    Chilling ending. I think the abruptness of it was part of the horror. The little hint about serial killers had me slightly prepared, but I thought it would turn out to be her ho~hum boyfriend. Well told and the self introspection of Leda made this a very good read. Best wishes in the comp!

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 5.


  • Golden Guardian
    March 10, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    I liked it, well done. I usually don't like stories of this make, but the twist at the end made it worthwile. It was Very well written, and I enjoyed it.
    -Lyneun


  • FeatherTrail
    March 2, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    wow...

    I loved the ending... although there should be qoutation marks between the dialouge they say to eachother to distinguish it from the story...

    beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 5, dialog: 3, characters: 5.


  • EtherealButterfly
    March 1, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    This is really good!


  • tabbykat92
    February 28, 2007

    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for submitting this, but it wasn't quite what I was looking for. You definitely have a story to be proud of.

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