One
Niko looked at what he was going to be eating for lunch today- meatloaf again. It didn't even look like meatloaf; it looked more like they had taken old bark off of a tree and spread catsup along the top of it. He sighed to himself; one of the only bad things about living in Chicago's Johnson Orphanage was the food. The food never even looked like food, and it tasted worse than it looked. Not too appetizing.
As Niko walked to one of the tables toward the back of the cafeteria he saw one of them. She was a beautiful kid, looked about ten years old, and she was in clothes that looked like they would be in fashion around the time he was born. She had her black hair loose over her small shoulders and was walking (more of a floating) back in fourth in front of his normal table. He didn't notice just how beautiful the young girl was until she turned and he saw her face.
She was stunning, but the thing that scared Niko was this- he recognized her. He knew he hadn't met this girl before, but he seemed to have this connection; he felt he knew her. And the other thing- she had the same features, the same face, and hair, everything- he did. If he had been ten years old they would have looked like twins- brother and sister.
He tried to ignore that face, tried to figure that he had seen her somewhere; it was just a coincidence. He never had a sister, he knew that, and his parents were dead. At least, he thought they were. He'd never heard anything to the contrary.
He studied the girl more while he was walking closer. Despite how young her appearance was, though, her eyes told a whole different story. Those deep pools of blue were so knowing that it was scary. Her eyes were larger than most people's are, and they just looked so scary on that little girl's body and face. Just like Niko's blue eyes. Those eyes told him that she had been dead a lot longer than the amount of time she had lived. She had knowledge from being dead, and a lot of it.
Most of the spirits that came to Niko or that Niko met were just looking for his help. He thought this little girl was no different; maybe she was looking for any living family she had left. He was relieved to see she had died a somewhat peaceful death, at least he thought so. There was no blood on her beautiful little outfit, and her face was pale but it looked at if she had died with no blood. That was always a good sign. He always felt so bad seeing when they had been in pain, and some of them a lot of it.
Finally he made it to his table. He sat down and she gazed at him, silently sizing him, it seemed. She headed toward him and sat down next to him. He was sure now she would tell him her story.
She said nothing. Just looked at him through those eyes that were knowing beyond their years; those eyes so identical to his own. The young girl still said nothing. She seemed content just sitting by him and watching him as he started to eat his so-called food.
Niko didn't want to push the young girl, so he just ate and gazed at her. He was glad he had no friends; he was staring at her with so much focus that if someone sat with him he probably wouldn't even notice. He so wanted to hear her story but it seemed she wouldn't tell him. He wondered if she would stay or just leave. He didn't understand why she was here, if not to talk to him and maybe get some help.
About ten minutes later he finished his meal. Waiting for a minute before getting up, he looked at her, hoping she'd talk to him. She didn't. He got up and brought his plate to the garbage, then started toward his room. He was very happy to see that she followed him; maybe she would talk to him when they got away from the living. Some of them were like that.
When Niko got to the room he got to himself, though it was very small, he took off his shoes and went to his bed. He sat down and looked at the little girl. She came and sat on his lap on the bed, and that surprised him very much, though he said nothing, still silently wanting her to talk to him first.
They sat like this for more than an hour, him wanting her to talk to him and she seemed she was content on just watching him. He was amazed at this ghost; never had he had one like her before. And even more incredible, when he started to get ready for bed, she stayed with him. Most of the ghosts he worked with, even if he worked with them for weeks, would all come and go and not stay with him. She, apparently, was different. When he lay down she curled up next to him and watched him fall asleep. He knew ghosts didn't sleep, but she didn't seem like she was going to leave him. Would she just lay there staring at him throughout the night?
The last thing he thought before he fell asleep was that he was glad no one could see the ghosts that accompanied him places; he would probably have this girl with him for quite a while. Only he would be able to see her beauty and figure out what she needed from him. What a job he was about to face.
Author notes
hey what do you guys think? i have the rest of it planned out. wait till you find out who she is!!! sorry if it kinda confused you. hes been able to see ghosts ever since he could remember, he was sent to the orphanage when he was a year old, and no one there can tell him about his parents. he doesnt even know if theyre dead. so anyway, he likes his life in the orphanage, its a good orphanage, and he has no LIVING friends...hehehe lol well i dont really write very many of these types, do you like?
- Writing Whatever You Want group list • next in list
A contest entry
- For anyone under 15 by SageSyren.
450 points, ended May 29, 2007, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - American Idol Collides with SW by Andrew Timothy.
260 points, ended June 19, 2007, 16 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Favorite Chapters wanted! by Surreal Rhapsody.
275 points, ended October 13, 2007, 19 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Calling All Novelists- I Want First Chapters by artemis the hunter.
260 points, ended December 7, 2007, 44 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
-
My second comment, I see! anyway, as I said before, this is good and tells the story well. It builds suspense and you can just imagine the sad little girl coming for her brothers advice and proection and help as suggested by the comparison that they are twins. Good job on this piece and good luck in my contest!
-
That was a really awesome story! Hiw old is Niko, though? Also, why did you tell us about what happened in the authors notes? But never mind that! You have an extremely amazing talant in writing! I'm really looking forward to the next chapter! ^.^
-
good start! i like this chapter and it leaves me yearning for the next one. The only thing i can advise on is that i would leave another space between paragraphs to break it up a bit better and make it easier to read. Looking forward to the next chapter, well done!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
-
This was very interesting, I liked it. I think I would like to read more about it and see what happens. A typical suggestion though, spelling and grammar. It really helps. Great job
-
I enjoyed this ^_^ there are so many scary ghost stories, and it always is refreshing to find a ghost story that has an un-scary atmosphere
Seriously, I'd get creeped out if a ghost follows me - but this boy,and most younger people, tend to be more welcoming of people and "beings." This boy might also be too too lonely. 
He does need friends, and maybe this ghost could be one, or help him with that.. ooh. who IS this girl? Is she really his sister? And why won't she talk?
There are some errors, but those are easily correctible with spellcheck
Thanks for sharing this with us
Good luck with the contest
-
This has a certain familiarity to it, it reminds me of a story from Dean Koontz. Hmm. It's a nice idea, I like it, and am interested to see where it's going. There were a few spelling errors, but those coudl be fixed by using a spellcheck. Keep it up! And good luck in the contest.
-
You need to add some background about your character. Put what you wrote in the authors notes about your MC.
Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest.
~*Brooke*~ -
Um this was really good! Except I think you spelled some words wrong. It was a really good story though I enjoyed it.
-
This one is written very well. Grabs your attention from the beggining and holds it throughout. Although I was a little confused there in the very begginning, the story just held me...very nice!
-
Very interesting...
This sounds really cool...something Poe would write if he had the idea lol, I'd like to read more though lol
Adding your comment:
1 - 10 of 10
