Me illamo Christopher Columbus.

'Me illamo Christopher Columbus'1

The police constable looked at the bedraggled figure before him with barely concealed disdain. The constable was a man in a hurry. This inquiry was the very last one on his beat and he was tired with the sheer monotony of his work. The man before him looked ancient and sounded confused and crazy. What does he want a passport for?, the constable wondered. 2

The first few months were difficult for Columbus. The world has made gigantic strides and the pace of living made him breathless. He was content to stay in the hotel room. Now, the familiar longing stirred in his heart and he wished to travel and to explore new lands. A good Samaritan told him that one needed a passport to travel out of Spain. He applied for one. The constable's visit roused his hopes and he planned to set sail as soon as he received his passport.3

The passport office was a beehive of activity that morning. Every body was in a good mood except Iglesias, the clerk in the right side cabin. Iglesias received a scolding from his superior for a minor lapse a few minutes back and that rankled him. He had contempt for his superiors and a supreme belief in his indispensability. After all, they approved whatever he recommended. His mind wanted some sort of retribution for the insult heaped on him. Columbus' application for passport caught his eye. His anger melted and a wicked smile danced on his lips as he read the police report. The constable had  recommended rejection of Columbus' application on the ground of mental imbalance! Would a man in the right  frame of mind think of exploring two thousand leagues under the sea? Well! That is what Columbus wanted to do. It appeared to him that all the lands and continents have been discovered and mapped. Only the depths of oceans offered an untapped opportunity to an intrepid explorer!4

The clerk wrote at length on the application. His recommendation was ambiguous. He wanted his superiors ( who anyway never read his long notes and read only the last line) to sanction the passport but did not want the blame to fall on him if and when something goes amiss. His smile broadened in to a grin when the application came back duly sanctioned.5

Columbus was elated. At last, he could begin his journey. 'Not so soon', advised the good Samaritan. One needed a visa to visit any country. Columbus thought of starting his exploration from the new continent, the land he discovered by sheer chance. He went to the American consulate. A burly texan, the ends of whose moustache stood up like roaches out to screw turkeys, greeted him. All bon homie melted in a moment as the Texan glanced through the application. He looked at the bearded figure of uncertain nationality and thought hard.  He was a tad weak on geography and was unable to decide whether two thousand leagues under the sea was anywhere close to U.S. The man looked like a Bin Laden and spoke like a Saddam. They were the only two international figures the American was familiar with and both were declared enemies of his country. He mistook Columbus' passion for madness and his child like curiousity for unnecessary prying. Columbus' twinkling eyes made matters worse. The official's overworked imagination flashed  ' danger' signals! Columbus was disappointed when his application for visa was rejected.  Not losing hope, he approached the British consulate! To his surprise, the gentleman manning the visa desk  summarily rejected his application. Poor Columbus was unaware of the saying,  ' When Bush catches cold, Blair sneezes'.  The British official could not dream of over ruling his American counterpart. Columbus was aghast. He thought for a while and decided that a change of continents would suit him. Why not approach the Indians for the visa? His earlier exploration started with India as the goal. 6