Our parents always told us that if Mephisto ever tried to talk to us, we should close our eyes and don’t answer. If we did as they told us to, Mephisto would go away, and couldn’t harm us.
Mephisto was said always to attack his victims at the middle of the day, and he would always talk to them when they had a chance to close their eyes before they saw him.
And since he did this, most people went through life without ever being close of seeing Mephisto, only hearing him.
But one night, I suddenly woke up when a voice called out my name.
I was sure it was one of my brothers pulling a prank on me, so I didn’t have any second thoughts about opening my eyes and checking who it was. But I should.
In front of me stood a well dressed, tall man. He was wearing mostly black clothes, except from a dark red shirt under his black coat. His face seemed kind, but he had hungry black eyes, and a scary sinister smile. His hair was long and black, and he had a little black goatee.
I could honestly say I had never seen anyone like him before. And at first I had no idea who he was, until he spoke.
“Hey there” he said with a soft and kind voice, a voice I had heard many times before, but I still didn’t recognise the man in front of me.
“H-hi” I managed to squeak out, I felt a lot of fear while facing this stranger, yet I did not know exactly why.
He laughed a little while he asked me “Do you recognise me?”
A shock of fear flashed through me as I understood who he was.
He laughed a little as he clearly saw me recognise him, or rather, realizing who he was.
And he could clearly see that I was terrified.
“Mephisto, at your service sir” he said, to confirm what I had already understood.
I realized that I was now going to disappear, like all the others who had seen him, so I decided to be brave, and try to talk to him, before anything horrible might happen.
“Are you really Mephisto… Prince Mephisto?” I first asked him.
At first he almost seemed stunned, as if nobody had ever asked him that before, and probably nobody had. But he quickly answered me, “Yes, yes I am Prince Mephisto” He said.
“Come with me” He said, “And I’ll show you my kingdom”.
He reached out his hand, and I gave him mine, because I knew, there was no other way out.
The moment our hands touched, my eyes were filled with horrible visions.
Visions of war, killing, torture and intense pain, all with Mephisto in a leading role.
I looked at Mephisto as I could still se these visions, he smiled as his eyes got more and more red and sinister. At the same time, everything went more and more blurry, and everything faded into black.
The last thing I saw before all went black, was Mephistos smile, and the glowing red eyes.
When I woke from terrible dreams of strange pain, pleasure and blood, I found myself alone, in a cold dark room.
At least I thought I was alone, but I soon found that several others were in the room with me.
But all the others were just shadows. All quiet, pale and lifeless.
Everything was quiet… for a long, long time.
I lost all sense of time, but several hours must have passed until finally, a flicker of light entered the room, and a door was opened.
Mephisto entered the room, with the same sinister smile as I had always seen him with.
He called my name, and left the room, leaving the door open.
I slowly walked after him, fearing what I was about to experience.
As soon as I left the room, the door behind me shut and locked itself.
The new room I had entered was a great big hall. All the walls were white, and the hall seemed to stretch forever in every direction.
Mephisto stood a couple of feet in front of me. I was just about to ask him why I was here, and where I really was.
But before I got to say anything, Mephisto started to talk “You have probably understood by now, that I am not like in the fairytales”.
“I have heard some of them myself, and they amuse me, but they also make me think…
Why on earth should I abduct a whole lot of people, just to kill them in unearthly pain and misery? See, I have never done that” he said, while walking slowly back on forth over the white marvel floor.
“There is a much more complex reason for my existence” he said, smiling at me.
“And what is that?” I asked, since he clearly wanted me to ask him.
“Well, I am sort of a… collector” He said.
“A collector of what? Humans?” I asked.
“Hah! No, of course not… Now we’re back with the fairytales again. No, I collect souls, but only from those willing to give theirs away.”
“H-..What?” I mumbled, surprised by the whole ‘willing’ thing, since I have never heard of anyone who had escaped Mephisto.
“You seem surprised” He said, “Is it because I indicated that there is a way out of this?” he asked, whit the smile around his face only growing bigger.
“Yes… I have never heard of anyone that has escaped you before” I said.
“Well, there are simple explanations” He said, and continued “You see, if someone decline my offer, they are taken right back to the point where I first approached them, because they are all really stuck there in time, until they make their choice.”
“Does that mean…” I stuttered out.
“Yes, nobody is out looking for you, because as we are here, time stands still. And yes, you have a good chance of getting back. It’s all your choice.” He said.
“Then I would like to return please” I said, regaining hope.
“Hehe, well, it ain’t quite that easy. You can’t leave until I have posed you with an arrangement, and frankly, I don’t think you’ll leave… I think you’ll accept it.” He said, very confident.
“That’s why most people don’t come back after meeting me, they all agree to my deal” he said.
“Then I would like to hear it” I said.
“Not now” He answered “But soon, I promise” he continued, as he suddenly disappeared in a flash of light as smoke filled the great hall.
I stood alone, stunned, after our conversation.
I still had hope that I would get back to my family, but I was afraid that I’d might accept Mephistos deal, even though I didn’t really want to.
But as I was now alone, I decided to explore the great big place I was in.
I started walking north, the big hall just seemed to get bigger and bigger the further I went.
But after walking for a couple of minutes, I noticed a big tree in the middle of the hall.
My first reaction was that it was very weird to have a tree inside…
My second reaction was amazement over that the tree was enormously big, I guess over 30 feet tall.
My third reaction was fear, as I saw all the people who were hanging down from the gigantic branches. I was about to run away, as one of the people in the tree suddenly started to move his arm violently.
“Oh my god, are you alive” I called to him, as I quickly looked around for some kind of equipment that could help me cut him down.
“Well yes, we all are” He replied in a calm manner as he stopped twitching his arm, and opened his eyes. At the same time, most of the people around him started opening their eyes as well. “And don’t bother son, there is no way of getting us down” the hung man said whit an comforting smile towards me.
“But how… and… why?” I asked.
“You should ask the fallen angel” one of them said, as they all started closing their eyes again, and seemed to fall asleep.
I left the tree, not knowing what to think.
Then, suddenly, Mephisto approached me, seemingly from out of nowhere again.
“Seen anything interesting since last time?” He asked, in a kind manner.
“Yes, I have infact” I said.
“Oh, tell me all about it” he said as he clapped his hands to summon a bench.
We both sat down on the bench, and for the first time, I was relaxed in his company, and no longer felt the fear and terror I had felt before.
“I saw a tree” I said… and before I could finish, Mephisto took the word.
“Ahh, yes, the tree” he laughed. “Don’t be afraid” He said, “That tree is only for those who choose to take my deal, but then betray me” he continued.
“But one of them called you a fallen angel” I said, “What does that mean?”
“Well, he only told you the truth. I am infact an angel, an angel who wears black and red” Mephisto said. “Or at least, an ex-angel. You see, ‘life’ up there bored me, and I went to other places looking for fun” He said.
“What kind of fun?” I asked.
“Well, I liked playing games” He said, and continued “Meaningless games that is, with humans. I also presented humans with tricks and philosophies, just to play with their minds. And so, I was kicked out of the kingdom in the sky”.
“But how did you get to the place you are now?” I boldly asked him.
“Well, I made this place myself, aided by the legions of my old friend Lucifer, whom I knew back at the time we were both angels.” He answered.
“And as I still had all my powers as an angel, and since Lucifer was so kind to give me some new ones, I made up this whole existence, with collecting souls for my old friend.”
So there I was, sitting on a bench, in a place build by demons, in a gap of time, talking to an ex prince and fallen angel who happened to be aided by the devil himself.
And here he was, telling me the story of his life, or rather, his afterlife.
“Does many angels make their own arrangements like this, like you did?” I asked him.
“Surprisingly no” He said, “I only know of a few, and those are; Me, Lucifer, Buddha and Bacchante”.
“What… Buddha?” I asked in disbelief.
“Yes, I believe he made some arrangement he called Nirvana” He answered.
But then, suddenly, he turned to me and looked me in the eyes.
“Here I pose you the offer, and I hope you are ready” he said.
I didn’t actually feel ready at all, but I nodded and concentrated.
“You know that extra weight you have been feeling in your chest lately?” He asked.
I had never told anyone about it, but I had felt something in my chest, but I was afraid of finding out what it could be. I just nodded to Mephisto and swallowed, in fear of what he’d might say next.
“Yes, well, hate to break it to you, but that lump in there is cancer.”
I must have gotten pretty pale at this point, but I did not interrupt him.
“And I’m sorry, but it’s fatal” He continued.
“The doctors are likely to give you about 3-4 years, but at the end, you’ll feel like an empty shell. But I, I can fix this” He told me.
“I can take away your cancer, I can bring you back to your family, and I can at the same time give you immortality and wealth.” He said.
“The only catch is that, every tenth year, I will come to you, and you must commit some sort of a crime, an atrocity, just to seal the deal. But this will only be the first hundred years, meaning we’ll meet for that purpose 10 times.” He explained.
“So, here I pose to you the final question; would you rather die of cancer in a miserable state in 3-4 years from now, or would you live forever as a wealthy man, just loosing your soul?”
I had made up my mind long before he had stopped talking, and I know it was selfish, but I did not want to die, and I did not want an eternity in hell… An eternity on earth was bound to be much better.
So I gave him my answer, and suddenly I was right back in my house.
In the course of the next eight years, Mephisto appeared once in a while, just to keep his promise. He thought me wonders, and as he said, I soon became wealthy.
For two whole years I did not see him again, but one day he appeared, and we spoke for quite some time, before he had me commit my first atrocity.
“The first one is going to be an easy one” he told me, with his usual sinister smile.
He then led me into my neighbour’s house, into the kids’ bedroom.
Then he gave me a knife, and said “Knock yourself out… Or rather, don’t”.
“But… I… I can’t!” I stuttered.
“Oh, but you have to” he said quite commonly, “Remember those folks in the three? They all refused to do parts of their deal… and now they are there, forever”.
I swallowed and went towards the bed of the oldest child.
It was a young boy… Couldn’t have been more then 12 years old, with dark blonde hair and an innocent face. The other child in the room was a girl, even younger than the boy. She was extremely cute, and had long dark silk-hair. They could both have grown up to be something big. But their future was going to be shattered by me, so that I could participate in my own.
“I’ll leave you to it” Mephisto said as he was about to leave.
“Wait… Won’t the police know it’s me?” I asked him.
“No, don’t worry, I’ll make sure they won’t.” He said… and then he was gone.
The next five years I didn’t see Mephisto at all, but five and a half year after the first atrocity, he came to visit me.
“I see you have prospered since our last meeting” he said, as he looked me up and down.
And he was right, I was now a very wealthy young man, and my aging process had already begun to slow down, and I had never before been so good looking and successful.
“Great” he said, as he grabbed himself a fresh apple from my fruit bowl.
As he bit the apple, blood oozed out of it, instead of the usual fresh fruit-juice.
“See, this is why I seldom eat fruit in the public” he said and laughed a bit.
“So, do you want to be learned any more wonders?” he asked as he gave me a wink.
I hadn’t yet said a word, but after a moment of silence I suddenly said; “They were both kids Mephisto! I don’t think I can ever repeat such an act!”
“I was just waiting for it” Mephisto said, now being more serious than before.
“See, the first crime is always the hardest” He said, “And the next ones don’t even have to include murder, and I promise they won’t involve anymore hurting kids” he continued.
“Are you sure?” I asked, a tiny bit relieved.
“Of course I’m sure, besides, you’ll have all eternity to make up for your sinful crimes after these first hundred years!” He told me.
“Well, I guess that’s good then” was my closing on the subject.
“So, what were those wonders you wanted to teach me?” I asked.
“Well, have you ever dreamt of flying?” He asked me.
“What do you mean? I fly all the time, in and out of the country” I answered.
“No-no, I mean… Like birds do. All by themselves” He said, as a smirk once again appeared on his face. A face that was still dripping blood from the apple he just ate.
He took me outside, to an abandoned field, in the middle of the warm summer-day.
“Now, watch me” He said, and continued; “Tell me afterwards if you’d like this power as well”.
Then he twisted himself over, and stood in a weird position for a couple of seconds, before he let out a weird groan, and then stood straight up and howled at the sky.
Something weird started to appear from out of each side on his coat, and the two silky things grew bigger and bigger, and I soon realized that he was growing a pair of… wings.
The wings were really big, and they were shining red and seemed very fragile.
But then they started to move, and beat, and their extreme power was displayed.
After a short moment, the wings beat really fast, and Mephisto shot into the sky at an extreme speed. He disappeared between some clouds, but soon appeared again, and manoeuvred like if he had always been a bird, and he did it at the speed of thunder.
After a couple of minutes, he slowly descended onto the ground again, and much faster than they had appeared, the wings disappeared under his coat.
“So, what do you think?” He asked me, with a satisfied smile on his face.
“I think that it was awesome!” I said, in lack of anything more intellectual to say.
“I thought you’d might think that… So, do you want wings for yourself?” He asked.
I looked at him in disbelief, but he must have seen it, because he suddenly said; “I’m dead serious you know”.
“So can I really do that?” I asked.
“Sure you can, though it takes practise” He said, “Also, it’s extremely painful, but really worth it”.
“Then yes, I’m sure… I want wings!” I said, and I actually felt exited about something again.
He spent the next 5 weeks on growing my wings, and teaching me how to fly.
It’s weird, but this creature that I have always looked upon with fear and anger, now became more and more likeable.
Though he was an evil creature that I could never forgive or understand, I would no longer dread him, nor hate him.
When he had finally told me every aspect of flying, and using my wings, he left me to myself again. After he left, I practised my flying for some days, before I withdrew me wings again.
I did not fly often, since it was very painful to release my wings, but I did fly occasionally, and sometimes it was very much useful as well.
But as I started to enjoy my life more and more, I also started to dread the next atrocious act I had to do more and more. I was still not even close to forgiving myself for the last one, and I wasn’t even half-ready for a new one.
Many times I thought about escaping Mephisto, but every time it strafed my mind, I thought about the tree… and about Mephisto’s promise, the promise he made that my next crime would not be as bad as the first one.
So, I decided just to stay… to wait for the day Mephisto would appear again.
It was a late winter night that he appeared.
I saw him sitting by my bed when I one day woke up from a nightmare.
“Is it time?” I asked him, still lying in bed.
“Yes, it’s about time now… But please, finish your sleep first.” He said.
But there was no way I could get anymore sleep that night anyway, it was better just to get over with it, and I think he agreed and understood.
“Fine” He said, “Now follow me please”.
This time, he led me to the poor part of town, and he led me into a little cottage.
He first had me standing outside, looking inside from a dirty window.
Inside I saw a father, and his three children. The youngest one being probably no more than ten, and the oldest being about sixteen.
From there, I could see the father beating his kids, and I could see the anger and fear in their eyes as he did it. He also seemed to getting ready to abuse his children in other ways, when Mephisto pulled me away from the window.
“You are not going to want to see that now… And it might not even happen… Because this time, I’ll give you a choice” He said.
“Either, you’ll let the drunken man keep on doing what he has always been doing” He said.
“Or?” I asked.
“Or” he said, and put a new knife in my hand, “You can end his reign of terror over his kids”.
And this time, Mephisto had really got me… I could not tell what was morally right to do in this dilemma.
“You should probably decide quickly” Mephisto said, as he watched the drunken old man unbuckle his pants trough the window.
And I had decided, and Mephisto knew, and he smiled.
“See, it wasn’t as bed this time” He said, and as right as he was, it still was a terrible thing to do, especially since this man was the father of three, though he did not deserve being it.
So, I kicked the door wide open, and the man turned to me with an angry and surprised face.
“Who the hell are you?” He asked, as he pulled up his pants.
I could see the relieve in the young girls eyes, and I knew I did the right thing, as I told her and her siblings to close their eyes.
Author notes
This is the first "chapter" (I don't really use chapters) of my Novel 'Mephisto'.
Be gentle
In a list
A contest entry
- Werewolves, Vampires, Demons Galore! by Dreams of Insanity.
135 points, ended February 26, 2007, 17 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Testing 1-2-3 by Token Massacre.
850 points, ended April 30, 2007, 12 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Long stories!!!!! by QueenWolf.
350 points, ended May 25, 2007, 24 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Prologues and Chapter One - Beginnings by Forgotten Anomaly.
1300 points, ended February 19, 91 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Novlest Welcome! by The Insane Eraser.
300 points, ended May 19, 18 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Prologues and chapter ones... by Lekos Memory.
125 points, ended May 27, 87 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 41 of 41
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Wow your first couple paragraphs caught my attention. Its extremely interesting. The only thing I can think of that you need to improve on is put a space between the dialog. Makes it a little easier to read. Other than that it's perfect.
Thanks for entering this into my contest.
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Nice Rendition
It is true that Mephisto or rather Mephistopheles is a character from Faust, it is also the name of a similar character in a play called Doctor Faustus by Christopher Marlowe that came out before Von Goethe's version. I always liked the name Mephisto better though. I think, aside from the editing you've already admitted needs to be done, this is a very good story. You've done a great job with Mephisto. If your going to make him more evil in future installments then his seeming goodness right now is a nice trick. If not then it's seldom one finds a 'good' or at least, not wholly evil Fallen Angel. So nice twist to it overall. I applaud you.
beginning: 5, language: 3, plot: 5, ending: 4, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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This is rather creepy but very good none the less. Your dialog is done nicely but you ned to punctuate your dialog lines with a comma, question mark, or exclamation point if it is followed by 'he said' 'she said' or something of that sort. Also you should try and fix the formatting (I know that its SW that does it) because it gets a little hard to read. Otherwise I found no fault with this story. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
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I hate to be pedantic: ",was Mephisto's smile", "Mephisto's deal"
Ellipses (...s) should occur in sets of two, eg "The night faded... ... into the bright morning"
The term "great big" is a bit colloquial compared to the other phrasing you've used.
and then you repeat big later...it gets a little dull, so use a synonym, please.
"Infact" is not a word.
It's "losing", now "loosing". Unless you meant your soul is becoming loose, in which case I'm sorry for my mistake.
It's a tree, not a three : "Remember those folks in the tree?"
Bad, not bed. "See, it wasn't as bad this time"
I just got to the end and saw you wrote be gentle....sorry.
Apart from this minor typos and spelling mistakes, this is awesome, and I would genuinely adore it if you were to write some more, because I am hooked already
Happy writing.
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this is really good, but really... creepy too. Work on it more, because i really wanna know what will happen to.. Mephisto and the narrator and such. Keep it up
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Well done, a few errors, such as "three" instead of "tree, but overall and interesting plot.
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A good story line
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe wrote Faust in 1805. This is one of the first stories that involves making deals with the devil called Mephistopheles / Mephisto.
During the story, the devil wants the soul and tricks and tempts the protagonist in many good and bad ways.
Your 2007 adaptation is just as engaging. I can't wait for the next chapter.
Bring it on! -
Wonderfully written
I'm beginning to feel that this is going to be one hell of a novel. The start you've put here is excellent, with almost everything right.
A great tale of the consequence of choices...I get the feeling that something awful is going to happen. -
I love how you started this off, it's awesome. Right off the bat, though, I was a bit confused; you said the face of the tall man was kind, but his eyes and smile weren't. So, what is there left to seem kind? His nose, LOL? Eyes and smiles are usually used to determine a facial expression, so I think you should take out the part about his face being kind.
That's all I could find wrong, though. Amazing detail-you really captured me! I love the ending. Very nice for the end of a "chapter."
Awesome.
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D8 this was a great story! i loved the ideas in it and i feel we have to make these desisons everyday in our lives. Great work ^^!
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Andrew-T-H Mephistopheles is another word for the devil.His supposed true name it was his name before most of the modern movies came out.I believe it started in the opera production of Faust or before that i truly have no clue.
Any way Drac read some of this piece i like it though in truth for you Drac i expected something more.I think the personality of the devil would be a little more sneaky but mostly in the beginning i was disapointed.When the main character knows meso is evil.Why did she choose the path? She/he did not need to touch meso's hand there is always a choice.Not to mention why did he follow meso is he/she knew what it was all about? You need to give him/her a bigger reason to converse w/ the prince of evil.I would love to help you rope the story together better when there is a next chapter because i see potential in this piece and i want it to bloom into something big and bad and gripping.I loved it other then that.Well ttfn!
~OG
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I don't like first person reads as a rule, most can't seem to write on well. Yours though was well written, the pace was evenly placed and penned really well. Thank you for entering and good luck.
~Queen~ -
Amazing!
Please mail me the novel! I love this story! -
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Really love it? I'm glad =D
But hey, the next 3 chapters are already posted, so you could read those? =)
Thanks for the comment =)
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Oh those were some very interesting ideas, all tied together to a promising character and a compelling villain. I loved the details you put into the story, such as the apple oozing blood once bitten.
My main critique of the story would be that there is some lack of characterization and setting. I realize that the main focus was on what happens in the story, but I felt that some of the actions were unbelieveable. Like why would the main character believe about the cancer so easily? Or how could he so easily kill?
It was hard for me to suspend my disbelief for that. Perhaps some elaboration would make the read more accessible.
Nonetheless, I loved the beginning and the idea behind this. Wonderful read.beginning: 5, language: 3, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 3, characters: 1.
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"and" and "but" should never begin a sentence unless it's either a quote from someone, or it's in dialogue.
"But I should." is a fragment... it's also incomplete. try joining it with the sentence before.
watch for spelling errors... "recognise" is "recognize" for example
some of your sentences sound awkward
your paragraph structure needs a little work and you should watch repetitive sentences.
at times your description is lacking and feels rushed
the dialogue however flows very well.
this story has a lot of potential, I'd fix up the suggestions from others and try making the characters a little more in depth at the beginning but it's a good start. -
I like the idea behind this story. However, it's tough to get passed all the grammatical errors in this piece. Those really make it difficult to get through.
Some of the dialogue seems contrite. The character of Mephisto needs more setup. I'm not sure I like how this story began. If this is going to be novel-length, then I think I would introduce Mephisto a bit later and get to the know what makes the main character tick first. We know nothing of the main character except that he has cancer.
The punctuation in all dialogue is incorrect or nonexistent. The scrunched formatting of paragraphs drove me a bit nutty. After every character speaks, you should start a new paragraph. Again, this makes it difficult to get through. Obviously this is a first draft or it would be a lot cleaner.
I like some of the inventiveness in this piece. The hanging tree is really cool. Are these people suffering? You don't explain this part. It almost seems like you hurried through the first 15 years AFTER selling his soul. Perhaps you could slow this part down and show more of it.
You have a good start here, and I'd be glad to read more when you get it finished. I'd just like to see you pay more attention to detail.
Nice start!beginning: 2, language: 2, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 2, characters: 3.
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wow!
thats really good man, i liked it alot.
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hey i really like this. i also admire the way you manipulate and use your time frame. i am going on to read more but i was wondering if you use an outline? i dont and my story is hitting page 48 so i was just wondering how you handle your story being so long. this is my first really long story and i expect mine to be a novel someday too.
but yeah this rocks so far...
my only critisism that it needs a little editing.
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Hehe, I know it needs editing, the whole thing so far needs alot of editing
But to answer your question, I don't
I don't use an outline, I just write and write... hehe
This is my first story that's this long also
Well, good luck with yours!
(What's it called? Have you posted any of it here? )
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i really like this, and i can think of nothing else to say, except i definatly want to continue reading...
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You have a vision and style all your own. I like the way you write. It flows along easily from moment to moment and keeps your eyes glued to the page. Good Write.
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Will read the next parts.
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Freaken awsome
Damn, that is truly a great story. Moral problems I havn't read many stories like that. You one great story writer, I never excpected it to be like that. NICE!
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Here I am, as I promised. and it's staying in my bookmarks
I told you a few days ago that I love the introduction - it is a nice "legend" of sorts We have a couple of folklore beliefs here 
but yours is way cooler! (we have stuff like you shouldn't sing while cooking, you can't whistle in the dark... etc)
Mephisto - where did you get this name? the name is very mysterious, much like your character's personality, he fascinates me, perhaps, like how he fascinated your lead character. His domain was beautifully described - I like the "dungeon" room, where he was with shadows and paleness (I was thinking shadows and the moonlight, beautiful picture, btw ^_^) The tree where people were hung.. OMG... there is a scene like that in 300!!! Oh, is this.. Mephisto's way of blasphemy-ing the Tree of Life?
..BUddha is a fallen angel! Beautiful, creative, CRRRAZY! and I wanted to be buddhist! you just might have changed my mind!
The offer was.. very tempting x.x What would you have chosen, Mads? I don't want to die in 3-4 years... yet, I don't want to live forever (I know I'd get bored unless of course, I have someone immortal with me, that would be neat!!!)
Hehe, the bleeding apple IS another new imagery 
and being taught how to fly is just... wow... Mephisto has hot red wings! new color! Wings are often drawn as white OR black
Wah... the crimes are.. wah...
poor poor children... x.x how are the other crimes like? *wants to know*
I think I love your Mephisto - he's not as evil as I thought he was...
oh, one thing...
Marvel floor = marble floor?
because I absolutely loved this!!!
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Whii! Thanks alot for reading it, and liking it!
Wow... you have scary folklore... I use to do those things Whistling in the dark for example... oh... *will stop*
I got his name from, well, I guess the name Mephisto is from the story Faust, by Goethe.
Though I know it better from a song by Moonspell
He also seems to be the villain of a few games and comics (I did not know that when I started writing )
But I knew of Faust and the Moonspell song, so I decided to write about this character, Mephisto
(I have not read or seen Faust btw, so the character in itself is original, just not the name )
Hehe, I actually like the buddist religion, so if you want, you should!
It's one of the best religions in the world I think, though I myself will stay atheist/agnostic
Hmm... what would I have chosen?
It's very hard to say!
Sometimes I think that dying would not be too hard, but if I knew that I was dying in 3-4 years, that would be painful.
And living forever, is bound to be boring... though it would be good with other immortals... like you?
"Mads And Rachel, 400 years old you say?
Well... fantaboulous!"
Hehe, I just felt like having a bleeding apple in there... I like the image
And yeah, I wanted his wings to be red
I want Mephisto to be mostly black and red
That first crime is a bit bad... the others are not as hard though... Want me to release the next chapter?
And yup, it will be revealed that Mephisto is not that bad
(The main charachter befriends Mephisto, and other dark beings... Including the devil... Hope I didn't spoil anything )
Yes, it was probably supposed to be Marble, not marvel
Thanks
(I also noticed I wrote Bed instead of Bad )
And... thank you!
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You are very welcomd ^_^
Yeah, don't whistle in the dark...
Even if Mephisto can be found in books, comics, videogames or what, I think I like this Mephisto version ^_^ it's to first I've come across, after all. and yeah, he's an original character, VERY Original, in fact, I have yet to watch or read anything that quite resembled his persona.
I like the buddhist belief (respect all life, yaddah yaddah), but I think I'm keeping my religion I don't want a "fallen angel"
Haha 400 years! As long as the world will not end within those 400 years (remember Ad Infinitum?), that'd be fine by me ^_^
I noticed black and red were the recurring themes in the story keep him black and red he IS the story, after all
I didn't catch the bed-bad bit
Go post the next one, Mads!!
P.S. Hmm.. our comments are longer than some stories on SW maybe if we disguise our stories as comments, more people would read!
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Hey, my smilies were eaten again, but you saw them first, right?
And, hehe, I won't do that anymore
No more whistling in the dark for me
Thank you! (I think that having an original character is good)
Hehe, buddhism and wicca are the only two religions that appeal to me
Btw, what religion do you have?
Hehe, yeah, if Ad Infinitum would occur, I would not want to be there!
(Is scared by the thought)
Hehe, it IS Mephisto's story, though many other characters are added along the way
Hehe, then I will post the next part
Haha
Our comments are pretty long...
Maybe we should do that, hehe
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Yeah, I saw your smileys (I think they get eaten when I click rate your comments?
EVIL rater!)
My religion is Roman Catholic.
Wicca, is wiccan!
*doesnt want to see the end of the world* I'm commiting suicide if that happens >_>
Yeah, more characters! BUT this is Mephisto's world - they just live in it
*waits for the next part*
*entitles this comment "The Dawn of Waiting"
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Hehe, Evil rater indeed!
Of course it is... I shoud have known... I did know... :/
Forgetful...
Oh yeah, the end of the world is... scary!
Hehe, yup, Mephistos worl
I hope you'll like the next part as well
(I re-read my own first part again, and I can see that all the characters has evolved.. alot )
Hehe
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How long have you gotten on your book?
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It's about 52 pages now, 32 000 words
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Well that's better than I can do! lol
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great story
this is really well imagined and interesting...
Umm did you by any chance base Mephisto on the villain from ghost Rider ? because Mephisto is also the villain's name.
Good story, I enjoyed reading it
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I have actually never read or seen Ghost Rider... But perhaps I should
Thanks =)
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I liked it.
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Hehe, I'm glad
Though, would you read the next 48 pages?
hehe
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I think that you need to not press enter after every sentence, you need to structure your story into paragraphs. There were a few spelling errors and a few grammatical errors, but overall the story was decently written. It's a very interesting story, one that is definitely creative. For that, I apllaud you. Keep up the work, and maybe do a bit of revising on this one.
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Tell me about it, my grammar and structure always suck
But thenks for the comment
(And know that this was written pretty fast, and is the start of an unfinished story... The story is about 35-40 thousand words now) -
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That is one of the problems of internet writing sites; when you want to write novels you have to write them in smaller-than-chapter format.
I absolutely loved the story, by the way; very creative and also very deep. I'd love to see how the man pulls through in the end. -
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Thanks for the kind words
Maybe I'll realease the next part soon
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