An aria rips through the gloomy forest. The trillings of twilight gather in the lung of the wood and burst free. The sky blackens. 1
On a moonlit trail a white horse is flitting through the trees. His rider balks forward and back, waking an agony on his tired frame. Yet, to stop, to lay himself out and sleep, would be to leave an offering for the bandits in the deep woods.2
In the hollow of an overhanging is the bottom of the forest’s lung. Gloom gathers there; day gathers everyplace before there.3
The rider can feel the sweat on the white steed’s back. A pale lather drips from the animal’s mouth.4
They enter the pneumonic depth of the night’s lung. The stallion tastes the wet air, the impermeable dark, and shudders, but his master’s rein is tight.5
The road dwindles, drops. They canter down a hill.6
Between the beats of the white stallion’s hooves comes another rapport.7
The ground levels off. The rider raises his head.8
The rapport continues.9
The rider spins his head. No disturbance on the road, but he hears the snapping of branches. A shuddering reaches up his spine. He spurs his mount furiously.10
Something is closing in. The drumming of shod hooves on packed leaves crescendos.11
A wind, as from a passing rider, swipes his face and throat.12
The white stallion stops abruptly and rears. Something is in front of them.13
The white withers pitch back once more, and the rider is thrown.14
He hits the ground back-first, limp and unhurt. His shoulder blades rub against the moldering leaves.15
Chill—not the chill of wind or shudders, the chill of steel—presses against his neck.16
His throat bobs, pressed against the whet blade.17
Metal as the sword, a voice cuts through the dark’s aria.18
“Stand. Deliver.”19
The emptiness of the spot is terrifying.20
The voice rises from the emptiness.21
No bandit stands before the traveler.22
The phantom sword draws a line of blood.23
Stand. Deliver.24
“I…”25
The silence is terrifying.26
The rider feels the cold envelop him. His shirt is bunched at his neck, and he is pulled to his feet.27
“You are frightened, Sir Traveller?”28
“Yes.”29
Finally, the cold is rung together, forged and hardened. In a single movement, the cool tones of night drive through his stomach, and he feels himself failing.30
He drops to his knees.31
His stomach is warm.32
Whole.33
He breathes a long breath. The presence is gone.34
H stretches out his hand, and his fingers touches a corporeal sword.35
Author notes
Highwayman's Hollow
"Where the cliff hangs hollow, where the gloom falls chill,
You hear a something, follow, follow, follow down the hill;
Where the horses sweat and lather and the dusk begins to gather
It is there that I will meet you and will greet you,
You, Sir Traveller."
"Where the leaves lie rotting and the night falls blind,
You hear a someone trotting, trotting, trotting down the wind,
And you listen all a-shiver to my ghostly 'Stand, deliver,'
Yes, although my bones have whitened, you are frightened
Yet, Sir Traveller."
"'Twas a traveller who slew me where the dark firs frown,
'Twas his small sword through me and the blood dripped down.
Where the horses sweat and lather and the dusk begins to gather,
It is there I ride behind you to remind you,
You, Sir Traveller."
~Gilbert V. Yonge
Hope it's legal to post that here . Thought the story went better with the poem.
I'm really not sure about this. Just wrote it, so I'm not really one to judge. Definitely not my normal style.
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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You are a talented writer, you really made me believe in story you were telling and brought it to life with excellent description. Word choice was perfect, and line breaks were all in the right places to make the reader want to keep moving on. The ending was powerful and with a touch of mystery. Well written and enjoyable to read.
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Mwahaha! Cool new background!!
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Ooooh!! I really really liked this piece! I think, personally, the story stands without the poem, if you don't try to put too much into it. When I'd finished reading, and then read the poem, everything snapped into place even more, though, so I don't know, hmm...
Anyways! This was written so very well. I thought it was definitely a good use of your skills to utilize short, almost abrupt sentences-- gave the piece a kind of clipped and dark atmosphere, definitely fit. Descriptions were great, and I don't know, just something about the way you worded things went really well with the context of this story. I'll stop rambling, but you did a really great job!
Renae. -
The story was good- very intriguing (sp?) I read with deep fascination, shivering often (and not just because it's so cold in this stupid study!) Nice write.
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I agree with mandini, I didn't understand it either, until I read the poem. This was a really good idea. The
has done it again.
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Gah! That's what I was worried about, that the sotry couldn't stand without the poem. Hmmm...will have to take that into account. Thanks for the comment!
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Wow. I really liked that! My eyes were glued to the page. You did a wonderful job! I didn't quite understand the story untill I read the poem, tho. But it's great! You did a wonderful job!
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