Never Give Up (working title) draft #3

© 2003/2004 by Liz B. Tropez1

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS2

Lyrics from “Bottom of a Bottle” by Smile Empty Soul used by permission- 3

check out www.smileemptysoul.com4

Other lyrics and quotes pending approval… may be changed.5

FADE IN6

EXT COLLEGE CAMPUS, DUSK7

Kids are walking and chatting, we see a sign announcing Battle of the Bands, listing Oddigy and others.8

INT AUDITORIUM9

Bryan, a young man with shoulder length brown hair is tuning a guitar on stage as kids filter in, mingling.10

SAM11

Hey Bryan, we got any extension cords?12

We see the first guy is Bryan… he looks around at his band mate and sets his guitar down.13

BRYAN14

(walking over)15

Yeah, I think so.16

He rummages around in a trunk, and pulls one out, handing it over. He walks back to plug his guitar into the amp. He strums a few chords and uses his toe to adjust the volume. Satisfied, he launches into the first chords of a new song he was writing, causing a few audience members to take notice. He looks up to see the school reporter and photographer there. She snaps a picture and waves. He smiles back, then turns around to see if everything is ready. Satisfied that it is, he sits on the edge of the stage to wait for the seats to fill. Another young guy joins him and twirls his drum sticks…17

JAKE18

What are we going to open with tonight?19

BRYAN20

I was thinking Cutter if you don’t have any objections.21

JAKE22

(getting up to tell the other guy)23

None here.24

He tries the first few bars of it… then checks his watch. It said quarter till, and already it was getting crowded. He decides to go have a quick smoke outside- all we see is a cigarette and lighter being removed from his pocket. He leans against the corner of the building. Many people pass him on their way in. He avoids making eye contact.25

LACY26

(Shakes head)27

I thought you’d be out here.28

BRYAN29

(snuffing it out against the wall)30

I know, I shouldn’t do this.31

They go in together and get on the stage as the emcee announces them.32

MC33

Welcome to the Battle of the Bands!34

Crowd cheers.35

MC (CONT’D)36

Westlake College is proud to reintroduce our first band, ODDIGY!37

BRYAN38

(getting settled)39

Bonjour et bienvenue! Hello, and welcome.40

(Crowd cheers again)41

BRYAN (CONT’D)42

Thank you! Tonight we’re going to play our newest song. It’s called Cutter.43

BRYAN44

(singing)45

You go through the motions, never letting your face show, any true emotions, you don’t want the world to know… Life seems to pass you by, everyone goes their own way, meanwhile you sit and cry, alone at the end of the day… I know what you’re thinking, this shit’s not worth living for, you don’t turn to drinking, like the time you did before… The edge of a razor, it brings pleasure with the pain, pushing it still deeper, let the blood run down the drain… no one needs to know, can’t ever let them know… 46

Cut to party in a dorm room, music fades out to dorm noise. Bryan and Angie entering his room, talking.47

ANGELA48

(flopping down on his bed)49

I’ve got a surprise for you, too.50

BRYAN51

(putting his guitar away)52

Really? What?53

Angie pulls two slips of paper from her pocket. C.U. shows they are concert tickets.54

ANGELA55

I scored us a pair of tickets to the Tom Petty Concert!56

BRYAN57

(hugging her)58

No fucking way!59

ANGELA60

It’s next Saturday…61

There is a knock on the door, Bryan goes to answer.62

JAKE (V.O.)63

Hey, Bry. You and Angie are missing the celebration! I’ve got some Tom Petty on.64

BRYAN 65

(opening the door)66

Well guess who just got tickets to see him live next weekend?67

ANGELA68

We did!69

JAKE70

No fucking way!71

BRYAN72

That’s what I said.73

Angie shows him. They all head down the hall to the party.74

JAKE75

Damn, how did you score such good seats?76

ANGELA77

Well, my dad works for the paper. Got a press pass too.78

BRYAN79

(shouting)80

Oh hell yeah! 81

He coughs & hacks.82

ANGELA83

That doesn’t sound good. You should quit.84

BRYAN85

I’ve tried, but these goddamned finals…86

JAKE87

Tell me about it! I was up for three nights in a row. I figured we all deserved a break, and then we kicked everyone’s asses, so…88

He opens his dorm room, it’s the same one we saw before.89

JAKE (CONT’D)90

(Hands Bryan a beer)91

Hey, everyone! Look who’s here!92

PARTYGOERS93

Hey, Bryan!94

Bryan waves his bottle of beer at them, and finds an open spot on the bed to sit on. Angie sits on his lap, playing with his hair. Cut to someone passing a joint around. Cut back to Bryan and Angie sharing the beer. He sets down the empty bottle, and someone passes him a joint.95

INT BOY’S BEDROOM, DAYTIME96

BRYAN97

Hey, Angie! Guess what?!98

INT GIRL’S BEDROOM99

ANGELAYou’re horny?100

REVERSE POV throughout101

BRYAN102

(grinning slyly)103

Jeebus. This isn’t a booty call.104

ANGELA105

(sketching a picture)106

Then what is it?107

BRYAN108

Remember the battle of the bands last month?109

ANGELA110

Of course. That was some party wasn’t it?111

BRYAN112

Yeah, but you still haven’t guessed what I called about.113

ANGELA114

Um, ok. I assume it has something to do with the band… you guys get a gig somewhere cool?115

BRYAN116

Better. We got offered a record deal!117

ANGELA118

(closing sketchbook)119

No shit?!120

BRYAN121

Yeah, this Beverly woman called and said her company would be our managers and that we get to go to LA!122

ANGELA123

LA, huh? You’ll probably fuck every groupie that throws herself at your feet.124

BRYAN125

Aw, come on. Give me some credit. You know I love you.126

ANGELA127

I know, I was just kidding. So you sure you’re not horny?128

BRYAN129

Did I say I wasn’t? I haven’t gotten laid since we went to see Tom Petty last month.130

ANGELA131

You know, we could reenact that in the back yard.132

BYRAN133

(Growls)134

Mmmm, kinky rugged sex. Sounds yummy.135

ANGELA136

So what are you waiting for? Get your ass over here.137

INT HOUSE, FRONT DOOR, AFTERNOON138

Cut to Angela’s front door, Bryan is holding a six-pack and leaning up against the doorframe.139

ANGELA140

Hey there, sexy!141

(Pulls him inside)142

What took you so long?143

BRYAN144

(sets down the case to embrace her)145

Beer.146

(Almost under his breath)147

And some other shit.148

ANGELA149

Damn, Bryan. When you do something you do it all the way.150

BRYAN151

(nibbling her ear)152

Mmm hmmm.153

EXT BACKYARD, LATE AFTERNOON154

Cut to backyard, with empty bottles lying in the grass near a blanket. Bryan and Angie are wrestling around and laughing.155

ANGELA156

(pins him down, tracing finger down his nose, across his lips, to his soul patch)157

You’re so cute.158

BRYAN159

(pushing her off and sitting up)160

You’re drunk.161

ANGELA162

But I want you so bad…163

BRYAN164

(teasing)165

What if I say you can’t have me?166

ANGELA167

(jumping back on him)168

I don’t think you have a choice…169

BRYAN170

Damn, woman. What are you trying to do?171

ANGELA172

You.173

Extreme close up, switching POV as their eyes lock. He reaches up and pulls her in for a slow, sensual kiss. Cut to Bryan smoking and looking down at Angie, whose head is in his lap. She is playing with a dandelion, then looks up at him and giggles.174

BRYAN175

What?176

ANGELA177

You look funny upside down.178

BRYAN179

Oh, yeah? Well, no more of this for you.180

He snuffs out the joint, puts it in his pocket, and then licks his fingers.181

ANGELA182

You suck!183

BRYAN184

See? You’ve got things backasswards.185

Angela leaps on him again, giggling. He rolls over on top of her. They Eskimo kiss.186

ANGELA187

You know what would taste good right now?188

BRYAN189

What? You got the munchies or something?190

ANGELA191

(jumping up)192

Yeah. Let’s hit Steak N Shake.193

BRYAN194

Oh, yeah! I’m gonna get me some onion rings!195

INT RESTAURANT LATE AFTERNOON196

Bryan and Angie are seated in the back, a WAITRESS scribbles their order on a pad and walks away. Angela doodles on the back of the placemat. Bryan lights up a cigarette.197

ANGELA198

So how did your mom take it?199

BRYAN200

(Takes a drag)201

Ha. Pissed off and worried. To put it mildly. 202

ANGELA203

Well, you’re all she’s got.204

BRYAN205

(mumbling)206

It’s not my fault. That pig fucker, I hope he rots in hell.207

ANGELA208

(putting down the pen and lowering her voice)209

Bryan, your dad had a disease.210

Flash of black & white image, a young Bryan cowering.211

BRYAN212

(gritting teeth but trying to stay calm)213

Disease my ass! I don’t think I will ever forgive the bastard for what he did.214

(Their eyes meet, his are angry, hers concerned)215

He fucking ruined our lives, Angie. Fuck him!216

He sits looking out the window, clenching and unclenching his left hand and smoking.217

WAITRESS218

(quickly setting down their order)219

Here you go. Let me know if you need anything else.220

ANGELA221

Thanks.222

Bryan snuffs out his cigarette and attacks the onion rings with a fork.223

EXT ROAD, NEARLY DUSK.224

The car speeds down the road, kicking up dust and rocks.225

INT CAR, NEARLY DUSK.226

ANGELA227

You wanna slow down?228

Bryan glares at her.229

ANGELA (CONT’D)230

Sheesh, sorry.231

In the mirror, a police car pulls out of a driveway. Sirens and lights go off, making them take notice.232

BRYAN233

Fuck!234

(He pounds his fist on the wheel)235

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!236

ANGELA237

(under her breath)238

…told you to slow down…239

Bryan growls as the car slams to a halt on the edge of a field. The police car stops right behind, and the policeman gets out. Bryan reaches over to open the glove box for the registration and then pulls his wallet out of is pocket to retrieve his license. We see the partially smoked joint fall onto his lap, then between his legs.240

POLICEMAN241

(shooting them a quizzical glance)242

Well, well, well. If it’s not Bryan and Angie! What are you two doing here?243

ANGELA244

(staring out the opposite window)245

Spring break.246

POLICEMAN247

(beginning to write a ticket)248

I see.249

(Looking up at Bryan, and holding out his hand)250

Son, do you know how fast you were going?251

BRYAN252

(mumbling as he hands over the license and registration)253

Too fast?254

POLICEMAN255

(glaring at him)256

Could you repeat that?257

BRYAN258

(turning to look at him)259

Sorry. I said I was going too fast.260

POLICEMAN261

(finishes writing)262

You certainly were. 263

He hands over the ticket, Bryan’s license, and the registration, and then walks away.264

BRYAN265

(handing the ticket and registration to Angie)266

Here.267

He puts his license back in his wallet, and that in his pocket, and starts the car up again. He watches the police car pull away in the rearview.268

ANGELA269

(putting away the registration while reading the ticket)270

Holy shit! A hundred and eighty dollars!271

BRYAN272

Jesus H Christ! Are you serious?273

He snatches it from her, looks, crumples it and throws it in the back seat.274

ANGELA275

You might want to actually pay that.276

BRYAN277

What I want to do is shove it up that pig’s fat ass, but apparently the motherfucker’s head is already up there.278

ANGELA279

(noticing the joint)280

It could have been a whole lot worse.281

BRYAN282

What do you mean?283

ANGELA284

(reaching over to pick it up)285

He could have seen this.286

BRYAN287

(looking relieved)288

Shit, give me that.289

He steers with his knees as he lights it, takes a toke, makes a face, exhales with a sigh, and then passes it to Angie. She hesitates, and then takes a toke. She hands it back to him and leans in close.290

ANGELA291

So, you want to come over tonight? My dad’s away on assignment.292

BRYAN293

OK… You think he doesn’t know?294

ANGELA295

I seriously doubt it. He’s either blind or in denial.296

BRYAN297

How is Egypt this time of year?298

Angela snorts and sits back.299

INT ANGELA’S BEDROOM- NIGHT300

Angela is sitting cross-legged on the bed, facing Bryan and sketching him as he flips through the channels.301

BRYAN302

This sucks. Nothing’s on.303

ANGELA304

Sit still. I’m almost done.305

He reaches over to caress her leg. She looks up and smiles.306

BRYAN307

(turning off the TV and tossing the remote on the nightstand)308

Je desire te baisser.309

Subtitle: I want you.310

ANGELA311

(setting aside the sketch, then interlacing fingers with him)312

OK, you win. Tu sais je ne puis pas te resister quand tu parle francais.313

Subtitle: You know I can't resist you when you speak French.314

BRYAN315

(nuzzling her neck)316

Oui, je le sais bien, ma petite ange.317

Subtitle: Yes, I’m well aware, my little Angel.318

ANGELA319

(sly grin)320

Je ne suis pas une ange.321

Subtitle: I’m no angel.322

She kisses him as they lay back, and she turns off the light.323

INT ANGELA’S BEDROOM. DAYLIGHT324

Angela and Bryan are asleep, spooning. 325

SFX: Phone ringing326

ANGELA327

(lifting phone off hook)328

Hello? Oh, hi, Mrs. Taylor… Yeah, he is… Ok, I’ll tell him. Bye.329

She hangs up, and then rolls over to face Bryan, who is pretending to still be asleep.330

ANGELA (CONT’D)331

She says come home and rake the leaves.332

BRYAN333

(yawning and stretching, then holding his head)334

Shit. I have the worst hangover in my life.335

He grabs the pillow and puts it over his head, and mumbles into it.336

ANGELA337

(lifting the pillow)338

What was that?339

BRYAN340

I said I don’t wanna rake leaves today. I feel like shit.341

He pulls the pillow back down.342

ANGELA343

And you look like it too.344

EXT YARD, MIDMORNING345

Bryan leans the rake up against the tree, and goes to sit on the porch to have a smoke. His mother comes out and sits beside him.346

MARGARET347

I hope you and Angie are being careful. It would be a shame if something happened before graduation.348

BRYAN349

Spare me, mom. We’re both adults.350

MARGARET351

Bryan, I’m still your mother. I want what’s best for you.352

BRYAN353

What about what I want? Doesn’t that matter?354

MARGARET355

You can’t always get what you want. I wish you’d give up this silly idea of going to LA. It’s just not a stable career choice.356

BRYAN357

(irritated)358

Maybe I don’t want stability. Maybe I just want to enjoy my life.359

MARGARET360

(getting up, exasperated)361

Sooner or later you’re going to have to face up to reality, Bryan. If you don’t take responsibility for the things you do, you’re going to end up just like your father.362

She walks in the house and slams the door shut.363

BRYAN364

(really pissed, walking away, muttering to himself)365

I can’t believe this shit…366

INT LIVING ROOM, ABOUT NOON367

Angela is sitting on the couch, stroking Bryan’s hair as he chain-smokes and animatedly recounts the fight between he and his mother. She soothes him, and finally they embrace.368

BG music “Silhouettes” or “Therapy” by Smile Empty Soul.369

INT AIRPORT EVENING370

Angie and Bryan embracing at the gate. SFX: flight boarding announcement.371

ANGELA372

Wish I could come with you.373

BRYAN374

Me, too. I'm going to miss you…375

JAKE376

Come on, you pussy. The steel bird is going to fly without us.377

Bryan ignores him and kisses Angie.378

SAM379

Bryan, enough already. You'll see her in a month.380

Lacy glares at Sam. Bryan reluctantly pulls away and looks at Angie.381

ANGELA382

(She starts to walk away)383

…call me as soon as you get in, promise?384

BRYAN385

I promise…386

He glares at Sam who is pulling him by his arm. They follow Jake and Lacy down the ramp.387

INT AIRPLANE388

Bryan flips through the on flight magazine, Sam and Jake are checking out the other passengers. A flight attendant walks past.389

JAKE390

Hey Bryan, did you see the ass on that stewardess?391

BRYAN392

(not looking up)393

Nice try, asshole. I'm not interested.394

JAKE395

You're pussywhipped.396

BRYAN397

At least I'm getting some.398

JAKE399

Fuck you!400

SAM401

(to Jake)402

Son of a bitch thinks he's the only one who gets laid.403

LACY404

Keep it up and he will be.405

INT AIRPORT, MIDNIGHT406

Sam, Bryan and Jake exiting the plane.407

SAM408

…and so she calls me a selfish bastard.409

JAKE410

What a bitch.411

SAM412

No shit.413

Lacy slaps him.414

SAM (CONT'D)415

Damn, that hurt! Hey Bryan, you ok? You haven't said a word in five hours.416

BRYAN417

You guys haven't shut the fuck up for five hours.418

JAKE419

Hey, don't get pissy with us, man.420

SAM421

(to Jake)422

I think he's going through fucking withdrawal.423

They both laugh, and Bryan spins around.424

BRYAN425

(pointing to each of them in turn)426

Fuck you, and fuck you, and I feel bad for you. Now, I don't want to hear any more of your bullshit.427

He spins back around. Sam and Jake exchange glances, holding back their laughter and comments.428

INT HOTEL LOBBY429

Sam, Lacy, Jake and Bryan are at the check in desk, signing in and taking their keys. They all pile into the elevator.430

JAKE431

I wonder if there's a minibar. I could use a good buzz right now.432

SAM433

Jake, you're such a lush. There's a real bar downstairs where you can find some California booty.434

JAKE435

Hey! Maybe we could hook up with a porn star!436

BRYAN437

(to Lacy)438

Animals. My friends are fucking animals.439

JAKE440

Now there's a unique idea.441

Bryan glares at him as they get off the elevator. Sam, Lacy and Jake follow him to a door marked 1408.442

SAM443

You said it, man.444

(He looks up and down the hall)445

Do we have this whole floor to ourselves or what?446

A woman opens a door down the hall, looks at the guys, waves, and closes the door. Jake nudges Sam, who spins around to look.447

JAKE448

We are definitely not alone.449

BRYAN450

While you two dingle berries decide who's going to talk to her first, I'm going to actually go in our room.451

He opens the door, tosses his carryon to the side, and flips on the lights. Sam and Jake walk in beside him. They look in all directions. Bryan walks around looking at stuff.452

SAM453

Holy shit! A plasma TV!454

He runs and jumps on one of the huge couches.455

LACY456

I wonder what's on at this hour?457

JAKE458

Well fuck me Freddy, there is a minibar.459

He grabs a beer and closes the door with his foot.460

BRYAN461

(emerging from the bathroom)462

Guys, there is a huge ass Jacuzzi in here. I shit you not.463

He walks over to the phone, which has the message button blinking. He picks up the phone and calls the front desk. Sam and Lacy emerge from the bathroom.464

JAKE465

(to Bryan)466

I think we should go get wasted and leave these two alone.467

INT HOTEL ROOM, NIGHT468

Jake is making out with some random chick on the couch. Sam is fixated on the TV, Lacy is painting her toenails, and Bryan sits strumming the acoustic guitar.469

BRYAN470

(stops strumming and looks up)471

Jake, get a room!472

JAKE473

(pausing)474

I have one. But you jackasses are in it.475

(To the chick as he gets up) 476

Come on.477

He leads her into the bedroom and kicks the door closed.478

SAM479

(staring at the TV)480

Check this shit out, man…481

BRYAN482

(looking up)483

What? Oh Jesus that looks nasty!484

TV shows an operation involving a lot of blood. Sam changes the channel. It's an infomercial.485

TV486

…guaranteed to satisfy or your money back…487

SAM488

(changing channels again)489

If only hookers came with that guarantee.490

LACY and BRYAN491

Sam!492

SAM493

What?494

BRYAN495

Do you really think it's a good idea to talk like that in front of your girlfriend?496

SAM497

(tossing a pillow at Bryan)498

You are so fucking pussywhipped!499

BRYAN500

(setting the guitar down to throw the pillow back)501

Shut the fuck up!502

Sam throws the pillow again, but this time it sails over Bryan's head and smashes a lamp.503

BRYAN LACY and SAM504

Oh shit!505

JAKE506

(whipping open the door)507

What the fuck was that?508

BRYAN509

(pitching the pillow at Jake) 510

Your cherry popping, dingle berry!511

Jake slams the door shut so that the pillow bounces off it harmlessly.512

INT HOTEL ROOM, DAYLIGHT513

Sam is sprawled on the couch with Lacy in his lap, and Bryan is on the floor leaning against the couch. Jake's hookup opens the bedroom door and slips away quietly. SFX: phone ringing. Both Sam and Bryan jump.514

BRYAN515

(scratching his head and yawning)516

Yello? OK, hold on a sec.517

(shoves Sam) 518

Wake up, it's our manager…519

INT OFFICE, AFTERNOON520

Beverly sits behind her desk, shuffling papers. Oddigy walks in and looks around at the pictures and articles.521

BEVERLY522

(standing up, and walking around the desk to come shake their hands, saying their name as she greets each one.)523

Welcome, Bryan, Sam, Lacy, Jake. Please, sit down. We have a lot of material to cover before we send you off to the recording studio.524

Sam, Lacy and Jake look at Bryan.525

BRYAN526

Wow, already? We just got here.527

BEVERLY528

You only have a few months to record before the promotional tour kicks off…529

SAM530

We get to go on tour? No way!531

JAKE532

This is so fucking cool…533

LACY534

Jake!535

INT RECORDING STUDIO536

Bryan, Sam, Lacy and Jake have all the equipment on, POV from behind studio crew.537

TECH538

Once more from the chorus and that should just about do it.539

BRYAN540

(singing)541

come fly to me my wicked angel...with your blood, wash away my black sin  542

for it's your sweet perfume that I smell...let me taste the tainted love within...543

INT BAR, NIGHT544

Music now playing on the radio, the guys are sitting at a bar. POV of a person at the opposite end.545

SAM546

(waving a bottle of beer around):547

Can you believe this shit?548

JAKE549

We're on the fucking radio. I love this!550

BRYAN551

You just love the groupies. Bunch of crack whores.552

JAKE553

You shouldn't talk about yourself like that…554

BRYAN555

(throwing a peanut at him)556

Asshole.557

RADIO558

That was Petard, the latest band to hit the LA scene. Call me up, let me know if they suck or if they rock.559

Random GIRL saunters up beside Bryan. Lacy rolls her eyes.560

GIRL561

I think you guys rock!562

BRYAN563

(spinning around to face her)564

Yeah?565

GIRL566

And you're sexy.567

SAM568

Don't bother, babe. He's got a girlfriend.569

BRYAN570

So do you, dingle berry.571

JAKE572

(pinching her ass)573

I'm free. Tonight. Right now in fact.574

She turns and checks him out. They walk off. The other three exchange glances.575

INT DRESSING ROOM576

All four are getting ready, pacing around nervously.577

BRYAN578

(checking himself out in the mirror)579

Hurry up, dingle berries!580

SAM581

(pushing him out of the way)582

Move, pretty boy!583

JAKE584

(from the bathroom)585

Has anyone seen my bowl?586

BRYAN587

Up your ass!588

JAKE589

Fuck you sideways!590

SAM591

(opening the door)592

Hey, don't we get any bodyguards? Or at least escorts?593

INT LIMOUSINE, NIGHT594

All four are chatting amicably. Sam, Jake and Bryan are smoking cigarettes. Lacy is watching out the window. 595

BRYAN596

What's with the fucking paparazzi?597

SAM598

Oh, come on, you love the attention, pretty boy.599

BRYAN600

Why do you keep calling me that?601

LACY602

You didn't hear what that chick DJ said? She called you a pretty boy with a naughty side.603

JAKE604

Hey pretty boy, does Angie like it when you're naughty?605

BRYAN606

Shut the fuck up, all of you!607

Out the window, we can see a giant neon green cobra in the striking pose, with its tongue wrapped around a joint.608

DRIVER609

(getting out to open their door)610

Well, here we are. The Cobra Pit!611

JAKE612

Whoa, check out the cobra!613

SAM614

Now that's a blunt!615

INT HALLWAY OF CLUB616

A couple Security Guards stand around the guys, who are waiting behind the stage doors.617

MC (V.O.)618

Give a big Cobra Pit welcome to Oddigy!619

The crowd roars. The Guards open the doors and the guys run out on stage. Jake sits behind the drums and plays around, Sam picks up the bass and starts playing a rhythm. Lacy picks up the guitar, Bryan steps up to the mic and starts right into their first song.620

BRYAN621

(singing)622

face in the mirror, it's not my own, shake me up, make me numb... this person inside, holds the rage I fear, wake me up, make me numb... Fight the urge, from within, feel the burn, make me numb... weakness it, holds me down, can't get up, I'm so numb...623

FADE INTO NEXT SONG624

BRYAN (CONT'D)625

You say I fucked up everything, I threw it all away for nothing, But it never mattered anyway, I don't give a shit what you say... You say you don't understand me, How much clearer do I have to be, This is not an act it's how I am, what makes you think I give a damn...626

INT CLUB627

The guys are mingling with the crowd while another band plays. Use "Bottom of a Bottle"628

SES (V.O.)629

"Been scared and lonely, I've asked myself, Is something wrong with you, My girlfriend told me, I need some time alone to deal with issues …do it for the drugs, I do it just to feel alive, I do it for the love…"630

FAN631

(approaching Bryan)632

Could I maybe have your autograph?633

BRYAN634

(taking the picture and sharpie)635

Sure…636

SES (V.O.)637

"Something makes me carry on, It's difficult to understand, What I always wanna find… I do it for the drugs, I do it just to feel alive…"638

LACY639

(staring at the stage)640

Wow, those guys are good, who are they?641

JAKE642

Um, I think they call themselves Smile Empty Soul. What the fuck that means, I don't know.643

SAM644

It's beyond you, Jake.645

SES (V.O.)646

"I do it for the love, That I get from the bottom, Of a bottle"647

JAKE648

Fuck you sideways.649

LACY650

Will you two please stop? I'm going to go introduce myself to them.651

SAM652

Yeah well try not to fuck them yet, ok?653

INT HOTEL ROOM654

Sam staring at the TV again, Lacy beside him, Jake peeling labels off the empty beer bottles, and Bryan sitting on the couch, talking on the phone.655

BRYAN656

(almost whispering)657

…of course not…because I love you 658

ok, I'll see you tomorrow.659

Bryan looks out the window.660

INT AIRPORT661

Bryan and Angie embracing. Driver in the background.662

BRYAN663

…sure missed you. How were finals?664

ANGELA665

Hell. No, worse than hell. I'm so glad to be done! How did the gig at the Cobra Pit go?666

BRYAN667

It totally sucked since you weren't there…668

FADE as they walk away.669

INT COBRA PIT670

Angela sits on Bryan's lap. Lacy is next to Sam, and Jake is chatting with some female fans.671

FANS672

(running off)673

Thanks, you guys kick ass!674

ANGELA675

(whispering to Bryan)676

Can I be your groupie too?677

BRYAN678

No, I've had enough of those. I want my angel…679

ANGELA680

But I'm no angel…681

She kisses Bryan.682

SAM683

You two lovebirds make me sick. Get a room already!684

Bryan flips him the bird without stopping.685

JAKE686

That's it, I'm gonna go hook up with some random groupie. If I don't come home night, don't bother looking for me…687

INT HOTEL ROOM, NIGHT688

Sam and Lacy making out on the couch. Bryan and Angie are on the balcony. She's sitting and sketching him standing and looking down over the city with a cigarette hanging out of his mouth.689

ANGELA690

I was thinking…691

BRYAN692

(turning around, then sitting behind her)693

Yeah?694

ANGELA695

Should I move out here?696

BRYAN697

(flicking the cigarette)698

I don't know… this could just be temporary…699

ANGELA700

But this long distance shit…701

BRYAN702

(after a pause): "…you still have to graduate…"703

ANGELA704

I could transfer credits… get an internship. Whatever it takes to be near you.705

She leans back and he puts his arms around her.706

BRYAN707

This past month… I've wanted to share things with you… it's just not the same over the phone. I'd give anything to have you with me.708

ANGELA709

I know… but then again…710

BRYAN711

Parents… responsibilities?712

ANGELA713

Yeah. But I had fun tonight.714

BRYAN715

(whispering in her ear)716

It's not over yet… 717

Author notes

I would be happy to show the full version to anyone interested. I am currently working on draft #4.

What did you think? Please comment!

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • mooseyx3
    May 26, 2006
    Edit | Reply
    It has a nice story to it. I found the set-up of the script a little confusing. The script worked, it just needs a better set-up. The ulitimate story line needs a little more to it. There's obviously problems between Bryan and his father, give us a little more clue to that. I'm going to assume this isn't the piece in its entirety.

    beginning: 3, language: 4, plot: 3, overall: 6, ending: 2, dialog: 2, characters: 3.

  • -LizBTropez-
    January 3, 2005
    Edit | Reply
    LOL thanks. I assume your motto is in reference to Nickelodeon?
    Such as Ren & Stimpy? I must agree

  • notreallypoetic
    November 14, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Cool.

  • -LizBTropez-
    August 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Well, this isn't the whole screenplay of course... I should post the whole one. We're changing some plot twists for it now... adding in drama was too much... we're going to focus on romantic comedy for this and then introduce drama for the sequel.
    As for my other work, I have a few novels started, and some short stories. Not everything I've written is on here yet... some of it's in notebooks which are packed away. I used to get too many ideas at once and never finished anything
    Well thanks for the feedback!

  • notreallypoetic
    August 18, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Hey, I just got through reading this (I'm in the Screenwriters group) and I gotta say it is pretty good.

    I don't think there was too much cussing, mainly because I tend to overuse it a bit :-P, but I do think that it was kinda redundant in some places, and it needed to be elaborated on in others. I mean, a lot of the time, you'd have some good dialogue going, but then you'd just stop it right then and there.

    Also, some of the dialogue seemed a little hokey to me. I mean, I checked your author page and while you've written many many poems, you haven't really written many stories, so maybe you aren't great with dialogue, but it just kinda seemed like it was straight out of a made-for-TV special or something. No offense, though, it was still pretty good, I'm just not really into the whole "striving rock band" genre :-P

    So, as you said, you would "return the favor" for critiquing, so I'd be happy if you could critique Anvil for me, I'd like another screenwriter's POV.

    Erm--It's a tad bit longer, though. Yours is er--25 pages and Anvil is--118 pages (I was going for feature-film length).

    How long would that make yours? Like, 18-20 minutes? Yeah, I was shooting for at least 90 with Anvil, maybe longer, horror movies tend to stretch a little bit. You don't have to read it if you don't want to, but it would be much appreciated.

  • trumpetfalcon
    June 1, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I agree that we all have rights when it comes to freedom of speech. In my opinion, there was too much cussing, but that's my personal opinion, most likely because I don't cuss at all. Yet it was a finely written piece, and you really do have a talent for writing.

    I'm glad that there are no hard feelings

  • -LizBTropez-
    June 1, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    That's ok with me... I'm of the belief that you must write the story the way it wants to be written, let the characters speak for themselves. I'm also strongly anti- censorship but I certainly won't hold any ill feelings towards you. To each his or her own, I suppose. Thanks for the compliment on my characters.

  • trumpetfalcon
    May 31, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    I am going to have to disqualify this on the poor language throughout this piece. While I did say it was all right to use, it is my belief that you went overboard. You do however, have quite a handle on how people relate to each other, and have shown a nice growth within your characters. Thank you for entering and all my best to you.

  • -LizBTropez-
    May 17, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    The script was originally written that the band would be opening for SES... that idea has since been changed... and dingleberry is likely going to change to douchebag, etc...
    thanks for the feedback!


  • Centricity
    May 17, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Content-wise... The only thing I'd do is take out all the "shoutouts" to Smile Empty Soul. It just feels a little too much like fanfic, and a little too obsequious. "These guys (who happen to be the author's favorite band) are pretty good. Maybe we could hang out with them later?"
    Also, you use the word "dingle berry" quite a bit. It seems a bit juvenile considering the purported ages (21-23?) of your characters.

  • -LizBTropez-
    May 17, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    The name change is in the newer version of the script.. I wasn't able to open the file using Word... so there's a few slipups I'm sure. Content- wise, do you have any crits?

  • Centricity
    May 17, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    RADIO

    That was Petard, the latest band to hit the LA scene. Call me up, let me know if they suck or if they rock.

    ~~~
    Did you change the name of the band? I was wondering why they call themselves Oddigy, and the radio DJ calls them Petard...


  • sanity
    May 5, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    Very inbteresting, did take some time to read, but it was good...............I wish you luck in the contest............

    take care

    Sanity.

  • Black Diamond
    May 4, 2004
    Edit | Reply
    hmmmmm, okay, took some time to read, was pretty good thanks for sharing with the all poetry members! keep me updated if you add to it!

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