"I am getting tired now" He said and walked into the bedroom.
"Good night then!" She called to him from the livingroom.
"Could you come here first?" He called back.
She walked over to the bedroom where he was now sitting at the edge of the bed.
"I'll soon join you darling" She said.
"Don't try to wake me in the morning" He said with a sad and tired voice.
"But darling, you have to go to work" She answered.
"There won't be any reason to try to wake me... In the morning I'll be gone" He said.
"Are you going to a meeting?" She asked, and continued; "I don't really know what you mean".
"Can you sing me to sleep?" He asked, avoiding her questions.
She laughed a little nervous laughter, "But dear, I haven't done that since we were crazy and in love for the first time".
"Don't be sad dear" He said.
She began to cry, quietly.
"Deep inside, I actually want this" He said, "There is another world, a better world... There have to be. I'll meet you there honey" He continued.
"I don't want to wake up alone" She said through her tears.
"I'll always be here" He said as he lay down on the bed and tucked himself in.
She sat herself down by him and sung a song to him, until he fell asleep.
He fell asleep with a smile on his face.
A contest entry
- Do something interesting, like...i don't know, kill everyone? by Dirty and Broken.
750 points, ended February 25, 2007, 7 entries
Honorable mention
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - I Can Write A Story In Less Than 200 Words by Carly Pop.
275 points, ended May 21, 2007, 10 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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I really liked it. I just couldn't tell which one was dead, or if anyone was actually dead. There were times where I thought he was dead and others when I thought she was dead. Maybe I miss read something. It's likely I did. I dunno.
Oh, and sentences like :"I am getting tired now" He said and walked into the bedroom. should have a comma before the quotation mark, and I believe a lower case h in the he. (And a lower case s in she.)
I think that's the rule, cause it needs some sort of punctuation and a period I guess isn't suppose to be there only commas, exclamations points, and questions points(I think.)... Patience explained it once, it confused me.
Anyway, good job all in all.
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Short and...strange?
I...liked! I...think?
It was different!
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I enjoyed how the story seemed simple and short, but was anything but simple. despite the length it had depth and the characters became real with their dialogue. What a softly lonesome ending.
I'm glad I had a chance to read this story; thank you for sharing. -
Amazing!
That is so amazing! I totally have a tear in my eye! and it takes alot to make a tear in my eye. I really like were he says he will meet her in a better world! Keep Writing!
<3 Princess Peaches
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Thanks alot =)
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wow
I am at a loss for words. But that just means I really liked it. *sniffle*
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Thank you for entering my contest!
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wow. it hit very close to home...so very true!...my mother tells me shes tried of living everyday!
well done...short but very powerful -
This was sooo sad... I wanted to cry.... Good job on this, though short, it wasn't outlived. The plot was great and heart-breaking and left you waiting for tears. This piece was perfecto! The only thing I saw wrong was "trough". Shouldn't it be "Through"? I D K... ANyways, Great job!
Ana -
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Hehe, thank you
And yeah, I changed the Through thing
Thanks =)
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it's too bad this is so short...it's pretty good, though quite sad.
best of luck in the contest! -
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Thanks
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nice work..
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very good and sad...
though it was short, i don't think it needs to be any longer...good job. -
Even with the shortness of this piece, I enjoyed this a lot... it was sad
people DO get tired of living sometimes. And sometimes, old people DO get tired - too tired. This mdae me think of old people, old love... ^_^ and honestly I think this is well worth developing further 
if you do expound on this, let me know, ok? thank you for this read!
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You will be the first one I tell if I expand it
And I'll try to do it sometime
Thanks for the comment, glad you liked it
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woot!!! Looking forward to that, then
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OOHH, I love this! It made me feel like crying.... great job! I love it!
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Thanks alot!
Thank you alot for the comment, this is why I write
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ummmm...did he die? Did she kill him? did he kill her? I'M CONFUSED!!!! I liked it but there has to be more!
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Thanks for viewing :)
It's supposed to be a bit confusing, I like to end my stories like that. But in this case, I can reveal that he died.
She didn't kill him, but he died, and he knew he was going to.
Anyway, thanks alot for viewing my stories
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