Attix: Prologue

Prologue: One and a half years before.

Ripples echoed outwards from slender fingertips as they brushed against the tranquil surface of the water. She was unaccompanied in the slowly churning mist. Her skin was chilled from the stark sharpness of the cold air. The hard, uneven ground beneath her was the only point of stable orientation in the swirling emptiness. It was hard to convince herself that although she knew exactly where she was, the barrenness about her did not go on forever and there were people most likely just out of sight somewhere.

She was alone, for now, to play with the crystal waters, to remember those moments she had once lived through. Those moments that had changed her life, allowed her to experience things in ways that could never be experienced in the same way again, not after this little adventure.

Around her, the floor was covered with unbalanced pools of translucent water; a bluish-green under-illuminating light that gave the mist deriving from the surface of the pond shapes and forms that did not actually exist. The haze lapped across the floor, churning with some unfelt wind.

Slowly, she withdrew her fingers, watching with a cool amber gaze as the light dimmed into nothing, leaving her in the solitude of her thoughts. Her lips parted slightly as words tried forming only to leave her mute for the time being. She lowered herself completely, straightening her body in order to delicately slip first one leg, then the other beneath the water’s surface. With precise ease, she lowered herself into the water so as not to disturb the glassy surface much, watching as the blue-green light flared to life beneath her feet.

Small waves rose and fell, circulating away from her form. She shivered, holding back the urge to dive beneath the glowing liquid’s surface immediately. It was warmer than the air, but once she was forced to get out, she would be much colder than she had been.

Just maybe, she thought before wading towards the center of the pool, her clothing leisurely soaking up the water while her sandals waited next to the edge of the pond. Taking a deep breath, she plunged beneath the surface, feeling a sudden, breathless lift in her chest, and she was gone.

-----

His boots made gentle thuds and watery noises as he walked through the mist. It swirled about him, attempting to mimic the long cloak he wore as it twirled about his ankles. The soft sound of his boots and rhythmic whisper of his garments scraping against themselves should have been loud enough to forewarn someone of his presence.

His captive, however, had submerged herself in the larger of the glowing, dream pools. She was still trying to escape. And here he had been so sure she would never stoop so low as suicide. He was so confident that she was too weak-minded to try anything of the sort.

Kneeling at the water’s edge, the cloaked man chuckled slightly, a faint hiss of warm breath lingering in the air. Without removing his supple glove, he reached into the water, watching it as its glow increased, and twisted his fingers into the girl’s hair.

“Come, Artemis. No need to try such foolishness.” The stern voice belonging to the man commanded lowly as he jerked her head up. She gasped as her mouth surfaced, but still she inhaled some of the water, which made her sputter and cough.

Roughly, he dragged her out of the water, breaking the spell. The pulling made her cry out in pain, one slender hand darting up to scratch at the gloved one tangled in her hair. Her opposite hand went to help push her weight up onto the solid ground to avoid causing more pain.

He let go, allowing her to sag against the stone floor. Her legs remained, for the most part, in the now faintly glowing liquid. Her dark hair plastered to her alongside of the plain dress she wore, seeming to tease him.

“Get up,” The man ordered without an ounce of emotion. “We’re continuing now.” He started to leave.

Artemis glanced up at his retreating form from her position on the floor. As the mist coiled around his form, she weakly pushed herself to sit. She snatched her sandals; quickly pulling them onto her feet though her fingers fumbled and shook.

“Why me? Why couldn’t he find some other girl?” She mumbled quietly to no one. “Goes through all that trouble just to kidnap me and bring here… where ever here is…” The dark haired woman stood, using her fingers as a comb with which to brush her hair, holding the wrap between her teeth.

“Will not tell me why… just threatens. I love you dearly, father, but I worry he has the power.” The tone of her voice was apologetic as she walked towards the light and the opening in the cave, and towards them. She paused, just shy of the light, allowing her eyes to adjust and drift over the barren desert that lay everywhere around her.

“What are you planning…?” Artemis whispered, taking one timid step onto the sand carpet. And then the world went black.

Author notes

This is the prologue for a story I'm writing. I'll probably be getting the first chapter up here soon too, but this is just to get some critiques and helpful suggestions since I do plan to submit this to publishing one day.

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

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Comments


  • Surreal Rhapsody
    January 8, 2008

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    I really liked the discripitions you gave. Great job. ^.^ It was really awesome. Good luck on the contest.


    • YinJins
      January 9, 2008
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      Thank you very much! ^_^ For both the comment and "good luck."


  • artemis the hunter
    October 18, 2007

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    quite simply, i LOVED it. it was an extremely good read and the grammar was exceptional. i definitely look forward to more!

    beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.


  • Maui Jane silver member
    April 21, 2007

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    Good

    Very interesting fantasy setting. I enjoyed the imagery in the beginning as you described the dream pool. A little confusing but you did state that this was supposed to be a prologue; however, I found the part about the woman and man effective as a prologue and when you switched to the discussion between the men it seemed more like it was the beginning of a chapter.
    Not all stories have to have a prologue - if you are clever enough you can weave mystery into your story without stating the obvious, keeping the reader guessing.
    Good luck, and keep going!