One Wing In the Fire

1

Jade took small bare-footed steps on the marbled floor of the passage way. Her last encounter got her the scar on her back 1,000 years ago. Now she was ready to fight. Long sword in hand,her dark slender fingers tensed on the pommel. The look of revenge in her deep green eyes.

The man on the other end happened to be Topaz. He held the same sword as before. The blade has never been washed. Topaz had light skin and a tall figure. The tip of the blade spinning on the ground. Topaz stayed where he stood.The glint of hatred in his dark red iris.

Jade walked until she was three meters away from Topaz. Poised into position, she lept into the air and landed right in front of Topaz. With a prewound hit, Jade struck the opponent with grace and speed that caused him to flinch as the long blade grazed his arm. He took a weak shot at Jade, causing her to tear one of her wings. she screamed in pain as droplets of blood stained the delicate feathers.

 One thing stopped Jade to leave. The flames.The flames that may engulf her body in excrutiating pain. She crept now,steadily around the flames. But, she was then struck in horror. Her mother, Amethyst, was en-caged in a steel cage silently screaming. Watching her mother slowly deteriorate, she stepped into the flames and ran to her mother. She lifted the cage and let her mother loose. Then tried to free herself from the flames but couldn't one of her once gossamer wings was burning down as Jade screamed in pain. She then suddenly lifted her self and flew away to the nearest cloud to re-cooperate.2

3

 4

5

One Wing In the Fire Chapter 26

7

 8

9

A figure hovered Jade while she slept. He wore dark clothes and a pale vacant expression. The cold dark stare met his gaze as Jade woke up from the spell that had been cast. She shot up in suprise when she noticed that the figure was an old friend...10

A contest entry

This is only chapter 1

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    : Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have 0. (?) (Line numbers)
    Ratings:

Comments


  • beezy92
    March 22, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    i have to agree with melly

    but it definitely has potential in being good! but right now nothing is connected or make senes. the flow sounds a bit unplanned and is lacking a general direction. i think you have a good thing going here just keep working on it, perfection it, and finetuning it. (= we all have to

    also some of the mor drmatic parts need to be more clean. there's too much extraneous talk in it.

    but i luv the idea it could really go somewhere. the title pulled me in and the storyline capitivated me til the end. so work on it--i can't wait to see more (=


  • Melli
    February 23, 2007
    Edit | Reply
    I dont think its very good. add more detail,a and flowing. if u do that u may have a chance 2 win a bronze in a contest. :]]


  • EtherealButterfly
    February 21, 2007

    Edit | Reply

    Interesting...

    I'm curious, is there a prelude to all this? I feel like I sort of just jumped into the scene not really knowing the past, well, having a vague knowing of the past. I think there could have been a little bit more imagery, but all in all, I like the idea of your story. Good luck in my contest!