Princess Sara Thornhill of Bella-Shar awoke days later in her room. She tried to sit up but felt a searing pain in her sides and lay back down on her pillows with a gasp. She couldn't remember how she had gotten home. All she could remember was a battle, and being wounded. A maid came in then and went to her. "Oh princess you have woken. We have all been afraid that we would lose you. Shall i get your father and brothers madam?" She asked. "Yes please, i would love to see them." She smiled at the maid as she left to fetch her father and brothers. A few minutes later her three brothers, Adam, Arron, and Jacob, came in and each gave her a hug. Her father came after them. He smiled at his only daughter and gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek. "Daughter i'm so glad your awake. I thought I might lose you." He was delighted to see her. Sara smiled at them all and said,"Don't worry i'm not going anywhere. So what have i missed while i was asleep?" She smiled lovingly at them then frowned when her brothers looked away. Her father on the other hand looked straight at her and said proudly," I have found you a husband my daughter." She stared at him in shock. It took her a minute to recover but when she had she was furiouse. "How dare you!" She screamed. Her father looked at her in shock while her brothers gave her a sympathetic look.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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oh, crap, I would hate it if my mother or father married me without my consent, I feel her rage personally, good job portraying it....
DarkOne -
nice but you need more style and rythem
its good but it speeds by to fast you need to draw it out and add alittle time sequence we get that you are a writer,now mae it sound lie your a good one!
beginning: 3, language: 2, plot: 3, ending: 3, dialog: 2, characters: 3.
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