One day while I was mining in Rune Scape a young or so called low level came to me and ask if he can have some coal. I was like "now young boy I need this here coal so I can use stuff to make out of it like armor and stuff". The kid started to cry but soon after his sadness turned to anger and called me a noob. Lol it was funny because I am 21 levels higer than him. So when I told him str8 he got soo mad that pulled out his red light saber. "oh no you are with the sith arent you" the boy gave out a big laugh "no I am a sith lord the sith are with me". As I bow for my he looked me str8 in the eyes as I was about to take the blow to my head I woke up and relized it was all a dream untill I got out of bed and saw my head on the floor.
A contest entry
- I'm bored, so anything. by Loonamist.
175 points, ended February 19, 2007, 43 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - Geek by Nesa Lyrel.
1000 points, ended January 25, 2008, 10 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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sorry... but i will have to DQ you
only story above 200 are allowed -
I play Rune Scape too! Yay geeks!
Ok, now for the critique...
Ummm...what to say here...
This was almost immature. It was not fleshed out very well. It was too fast paced and lacked detail.
I don't like the use of Internet lingo (str8) in this story. It might work a bit better if you were to use more detail about runescape in general.
It was confusing. If you fixed it up a bit it might be better. But oh well.
Best of luck in the contest! -
the wording was really confusing. Detail, really could use detail. Seemed kind of pointless. How could you see your head on the floor? Your eyes are in your head that is on the floor. This story really makes no sense. Maybe with some background explaining it more and more detail and making it more of a story it would be good. Thanks though!
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I like the way you sue *str8* its cool.Nice dream. My dreamsn have vampires TeeHee^_^
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hey
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kalab j 22
umm that weird....scray....crazy...and did i say weird.... umm nice dream....beginning: 2, language: 3, plot: 2, ending: 3, dialog: 2, characters: 4.
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