The Land Of Nothingness

The Land Of Nothingness is not to be here nor there.  It isn't to be anywhere for that matter.  In the still of the night in the darkest hour of hours is still not as nothingness as the Land Of Nothingness is.  How I came across it is still beyond me, although for a while I did make it my home.1

The first thing I remembered was, quite frankly, nothing.  I had lost all my memories in that terrible fall in to absolute darkness.  I was no longer a being with memories nor mind and yet I was breathing and existing.  I soon began to wonder if I knew of any others in my life and if I did if they still knew of me.  That was my greatest fear, if anyone would actually miss me.2

I thought maybe I had blacked out or was in some sort of coma.  But I was able to move, to think, even to feel.  But I just felt nothing and that was what scared me most and foremost.  I felt nothing, neither sad nor happy.  Neither love nor hate.  A thought came upon me that there was people who felt this way everyday, but it really didn't dawn upon me that I now was one of them.  I was just a body, maybe just mere atoms and protons but just a body nonetheless.3

Of course, something had happened, although to this date I am not quite sure of what.  But I do know it was something.  After all and forever more something changed me into a black nothing, such as a gaping black night with no stars to shine upon the earth.  As if the moon had died and forgot to tell the world.  Or maybe it was more like the sun refused to shine, just kept the blankets over her head and gave up.4

It could have easily been depression or even an overdose of some sort.  Although I don't think so.  I thought maybe I had been attacked.  Either way, all in all, it was rather perplexing the absolute nothingness I felt.5

All at once, I felt warmth come upon me.  I began to be able to feel something although I wasn't sure what.  It came upon me that I was starting to defrost so to speak.  I had short burst of visions, a little like when you are hit in the head and there's a quick shot of pain and a bright light before your eyes.  Try as I might I couldn't quite grasp any memories as of yet.  Visions danced before my eyes teasing me.  As if to say 'catch me if you can' but I could not catch them.6

It occurred to me that maybe I was to blame for my current state.  Oh surely, I had been battered; I had been bruised.  But as days came and went I allowed myself to slip in to this the Land Of Nothingness.  I allowed my past experiences turn me into the walking unfeeling entity that I had become.  7

Surely, I had to improve upon myself in order to improve upon this Land that I had become one with.  Shortly there after flowers began to grow in the corner of my mind.  One by one memories good and bad came back to me and took up residence in my mind.  This was where they belonged and where they should stay.  I could no longer give into the madness I was allowing myself to experience.8

It is odd, when you give up and are willing to allow the past flood your mind how the future looks so bright.  Almost blinding me.  I wander in the future, with a few lessons learned from the past and allow myself to live again.9