Blood-Stained Sadness

She knew what he was doing,what he was planning.He tricked her into coming here.She knew it all along.He reached in his bag,and in the moonlight she saw the silver glimmer of his dagger.It was a ceremony dagger,passed on from generation to generation of demons and other powerful beings.All of the gathered nearer to the altar now.They wanted to watch the horrific events that their leader was about to inflict on this poor mortal girl.She could see his follower's devilish grins,but their leader showed no sign of expression on his handsome face.He took the knife and cut open her dress leaving her naked,and completely helpless.Tears of blood flowed down her beautiful face.Such Betrayl.She had loved him,and now he was going to kill her.He dragged the knife all the way down her body,and a river of blood now divided her body in half.His evil minions crowded her,now lapping up her blood,sucking out her life.She screamed in agony,in tears,in rage."It will all be over soon,my darling."He said,not taking his eyes from the river of blood.He slit her throat,this time he was the on sucking her blood,her life,killing her,leaving her lifeless.She made no sound.The life in her was gone,and her blue eyes forever showed her bloodstained sadness.1

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Comments


  • hole
    May 12, 2004
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    wow, that was really beautiful in a twisted kind of way! I agree with 'Ashes to Ashes' that you need to do a bit of work on it but its a great start. I like some of your descriptions especially: 'Tears of blood flowed down her beautiful face.' Keep writing xx


  • Writehanded
    April 25, 2004
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    Chilling... and extremely grotesque. You might want to be a little more descriptive though, 'Tears of blood flowed down her beautiful face,' Instead of beautiful, it would be nice if actually described her face in some sense. Beautiful makes he sound... perfect. Also, you start almost every sentence with he or she, why not try using a verb instead? It has good potential, but it really could use a little fine tuning.

  • Push1t
    April 25, 2004
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    ooo chilling

    oh wow. thats awesome. great job keep writing.