All on a summer’s Evening

One fine, cool evening, I was strolling along one of the less crowded avenues which adorn the faces of our beautiful city. The breeze was gentle and the air, fresh, marred only by the lethal fumes spewing forth from multiple exhaust pipes of low-slung roadsters that roared by every now and then. Poor fools! I thought, little do they realize what they are- missing! The beauty and tranquility of a solitary walk in the evening. Oh, no! They are too busy for that! Theirs is a world of speed and frustrations! Till their end they must hurry hither and thither, doing everything, achieving nothing! They are too busy to stand still and listen to the music of the birds, or appreciate the simple joy of being alive! Alas, to have the means and not to use it – what could be more pitiable? I shook my head sadly and walked on, with a supercilious grin on my face.

Taking a curve in the road, I saw in the far distance a crowd of people on the sidewalk. Neither a large crowd, nor a small one either! A street magician? A snake charmer? What can it be? I wondered. To my amazement I found myself walking faster. The result of a very natural human curiosity. I consoled myself! After a spell of brisk walking, I reached the outer edge of the crowd. Moving here and there for a chance of witnessing the interesting spectacle that must be taking place. I accidentally transfixed by a baleful glare from a pair of eyes accompanied by a muttered oath, for good measure. I mumbled an apology which was totally ignored to my utter chagrin.

Shrugging my shoulders philosophically, I continued to move about in circles in search of an opening. By this time I had realized that the cause for excitement was a quarrel of some sort. Occasional thudding of bodies and painful groans assured me that the affair involved some physical conflict in addition to the verbal battle that was being waged. I nudged a nearby spectator and asked him the reason for the fight. I was rewarded with a brief scrutiny and a platonic shrug that was the epitome of dis-interest. I retreated and contemplated the backsides of all those people who were mercilessly blocking my view. But I was not yet beaten. No sir, not on your sweet life. I would manage to get an eyeful of that luscious spectacle by book or crook!

Looking around, I suddenly perceived a nice tall lamp post that had hitherto escaped my notice. The reader might wonder why I was overjoyed to see a mere lamp post. The ignorance of youth! It was not the lamp post but the pedestal upon which it rested, that caught my imagination, a solid, concrete structure that could bear my weight with ease. Standing on it I would be able to see whatever was going on in the middle of that arrogant crowd.

I reached it in a bound, lest someone else should have the brilliant brainwave and beat me to it. There is nothing more frustrating on earth than having someone steal ones brains child., which is more or less like being God father to one’s own child!.

Just then another flash of thought hit me like a bolt of lighting. What if I get an electric shock when I touch the post which had appeared out of the blue to my aid? I was in no hurry to join my respected ancestors! But something had to be done, or the fight would die out. I summoned enough courage and extended my hand as though to fondle, a malignant Rattler. My hand seemed to have put on five times its usual weight and it trembled like an autumn leaf before the west-wind. I gritted my teeth, closed my eyes and brushed the offending object with the back of my hand. In a move that defied even the fastest lightning! Nothing happened! Once more I repeated the maneuver, with the same result! Save the coldness of steel that met my hand there was absolutely nothing! I looked around sheepishly to see if someone had noticed my adventure! Luckily for me they were all totally absorbed in the fight. With the removal of fear came the instinct for self-justification. How was I to know whether the lamp post was an innocent as it seemed? What is more, one cannot put it above the scope of our benevolent Government, to electrify a few lamp posts with a view to removing some of the citizens, as a practical solution for population explosion! Hum!

Thus satisfying my ego effectively, I boldly stepped forward and climbed on to the pedestal. The next moment I was standing on top of it with my hands around the post for support. Having thus secured my position, I turned my attention to the fight. Ah, the sight that met my eyes! All my efforts seemed worthwhile! Two hefty young chaps were industriously slugging away at each other, their garments in tatters but still clinging to their sweating bodies with miraculous tenacity. That, I mused, was loyalty! We men should learn from those clothes!

A sudden communal rumble went up from the crowd. One of the combatants had gained the upper hand over his opponent. He was gripping the windpipe of his adversary. Very uncomfortable! A restricted wind pipe, I mean! It is said that you see different colors flitting before your eyes in rapid succession, through a pre-dominant reddish haze! The fight seemed almost at an end. But, just at that very moment it happened! Totally un-expected and just as un-conventional! Un-scientific, may be. But effective. It came like a thunder bolt out of the blue-the only difference was that this one came from below. Yes my friend. That man who was struggling in the unmerciful grip of his companion suddenly brought his knee up and rammed it right at that spot in the human body where a blow hurts most! The man who received this ill-treatment released his opponent’s throat and clutched his abdomen. In fact he was writhing on the ground, howling in exquisite agony. His cries were downed by the blood thirsty jeers from the crowd. I felt my own body writhing in sympathy to the sufferer. A blow in the afore mentioned part of the body is really painful. Painful? Did I say painful? My great God Almighty, anyone who has experienced it before will smile in contempt! It is hells own fire! Excruciating, exquisite, agony! Shooting through the body like the bow wave of a motor boat. In addition to being painful, such a blow, if executed with the right amount of force can incapacitate the victim for a good period of time and remove all thoughts of aggression from his mind.

I was jolted back to reality by the eerie wail of sirens in the far distance, heralding the arrival of the guardian angels of law and order. Fear of possible detainment and the ensuring formalities, if caught in the vicinity of the fight, even as a potential witness motivated my limbs-involuntarily. Even before the brain had sent the order, the limbs went into swift action. Jumping down from my grand stand, I was off at a brisk pace, in under a second, flat! This time the dominant motive force was fear, not curiosity. Fear of ridicule and public attention. Even with my pulse beating at breakneck speed, I somehow managed to maintain a cool exterior and cover a good distance before one minute had elapsed. Then curiosity got the better of me and I risked a backward glance. I was positively astonished to see that; the crowed had miraculously vanished, leaving only a few disinterested pedestrians who seemed totally unaware of the proceedings.

As for the combatants, the police men were bundling them into a van drawn up at the curb. Seeing the way the two were being handled, I realized that the militant pair would soon receive a’ crash” course in the art of fighting! I walked on though my pace had slowed down appreciably. The immediate threat was over and I was all in one piece! As I walked on the incident which I had witnessed loomed in my minds eye-especially the shocking tactic that ended the fight. The indignity and humiliation of it all, added to the agonizing pain, was too much for any man! This brought the train of my thought to an entirely different track. The anatomic difference between men and women! I felt quite sure that this injustice was willfully done. First, depriving man of one of his coveted ribs, then creating – women out of it with a basic advantage over the poor donor!

Woman, with her vital organs carefully encased, and put safely out of harms way. All safe and cozy as you please! As far the poor man, his troubles are three-fold! As though one target was not enough the Lord Creator endowed him with additional appendages, totally exposed to receive every well-aimed and ill-intented knee that came its way! Woman can safely kick and brawl all they please, with no ill effect. But a man will find himself out of action, temporarily or permanently, depending upon the power behind the blow.

What would happen if the Lord Creator decided to transpose the organs thus reversing the situation? The idea was too much for me, but even what I managed to imagine must have found expression involuntarily, for, when I became conscious of my surroundings, I found my fellow pedestrians regarding me with suspicion. Since I did not fancy a trip to the nearest “loon camp”, I decided that the best way out was a discreet retreat. As I turned my back upon those grinning faces, there came to my ears the wail of the siren- my body suddenly felt as though it had turned into an Eskimo’s igloo. My heart missed a beat or two before racing madly as though to catch up. It was an Ambulance! Had someone mistook me for an escaped loony and phoned the nearest asylum? But the ambulance swept past me without even slowing. With the release from anxiety came the after effect - an un explainable weakness at the knees. I felt sure that one more fright like that would soon see me on my way to the land of my respected ancestors. I summoned all my remaining strength and continued walking.

All of a sudden I realized that, it had grown dark, which meant that the venerable, Apollo, had gone into the sea, lock stock and barrel! Not that I am afraid of the dark-not at all, it was the memory of my better half waiting with a patent leather shoe clutched in her pretty hand that brought me close to desperation. I had promised to take her to a friend’s party that night. I was supposed to have reached home at six o’clock, at the latest. It was already half past seven! The party was at eight, sharp. I would never make it in thirty minutes. The unholy memory of the poor blighter who got kicked in the vitals came to my mind, all of its own. What if my dear “rib” should do the same thing to me? The very thought made me break out in a cold sweat. Just then, like an angel out of heaven came the perfect solution to my predicament-a cabbie looking for a prey. I hailed him as though he were the last human being on earth and restrained an impulse to kiss him on both cheeks, an action which would definitely have been frowned upon by him. It suffices to say that he put me down at my door step exactly at seven forty two. I paid the fare and added a generous tip which brought a gleam to his eyes. He wished me good night respectfully and departed to realms unknown. I entered the house as though I were being led to the scaffold. But instead of a Bata leather shoe my beloved was carrying only a harmless-paper back novel. Something is wrong somewhere, I decided summoning courage. I asked in an authoritative (I hope) tone:
“Well, what about that party tonight at ……’s?

“Oh, dear I am sorry. They rang me up while you were out and told me that they had to cancel today’s party. They specially asked me to tell you. I simply forgot to tell you when you came home this evening. Poor dear, how you must have hurried to get home in time.”

‘That’s alright, my dear. It can happen to me also you know, this forgetfulness.”

Oh God, almighty thank you! I fervently said under my breath. The events of that evening passed through my mind once more. “All on a Summer's evening”, I mused as I climbed the steps to my study and sanctuary.