Peach Fuzz and Big Decisions

I lie my head down on his lap and look up at his peach fuzz covered chin.

“What do we do, Babe?”

“I don’t know, Darling. I don’t know. We have options, you know…And it’s not really my choice anyway. What do you want to do? It’s your body,” is his reply.

I lie quietly while he stares at me, waiting for an answer I do not know how to give. The truth is, when this all started, I didn’t want to do it in the first place. The truth is, this is more his fault than mine. The truth is, I’ve never wanted anything more than to have this happen – but not when I’m seventeen!

It began months ago. We started talking and I lay my head down on his knee, as I am doing now, three months later, when the biggest decision of my life faces me. It began at school, with his girlfriend’s jealousy overwhelming us both and her tears flowing on to my sleeve as I told her not to be mad at me, for I had done nothing wrong. We saw each other daily, because of the musical for which we were both on crew. He shone the spotlights and lit up my soul, while I moved the pieces that set the stage for our relationship. We dated for two and a half months, and became more serious. How quickly time flies for those in “love!” Three months have now passed and I am pregnant. What to do with the baby of a seventeen year old mother and sixteen year old father?

While I think, he plays with my hair.

“What should we do, Darling? Do we give it up now, or wait to give it up? Do we keep it and ruin our future plans? What do we do?”

I continue to stare at his peach fuzz chin, and he continues to play with my hair. I don’t know what answer to give him. The truth is, when we first decided to be serious together, I didn’t want to. The truth is, I never loved him the way he loved me. The truth is, I never wanted this to end up like it has.

It began simply. Nothing more than a bit of removal of clothing, but as time progressed, our actions increased. Once, we decided to continue going, beyond the point of no return. He asked if I wanted to, and I did not answer. Fear ran through my veins as I stared at the boy who had changed my life.

“Don’t tease me, Darling,” were the words he used.

I did not ever want to hurt him. I nodded and the consequences were in motion.

Now here we sit, four weeks later. Now here we sit, on my couch in my empty house again. Now here we sit, pondering when life begins and what should be done. Now here we sit, wondering what action should be taken.

“I don’t know, Babe. I just don’t know.”