Jesse

The little girl ran across the park towards the sand pit.  She had her hands stretched out in front of her, and she was singing a made-up tune.  When she reached the pit she stopped, and, one foot at a time, she stepped over the wooden frame.  She wore a look of deep concentreation.  Then she sat down on the sand and started digging her hands in it.  She didn't create anything, she just moved her hands around.1

Jesse had come to the park to take her mind off her problems.  There was too much going on, she had to devote her mind to something overly simple for a while.  Then she could go back to pondering existance, and trying to understand a life that might seem simple from the outside, but to her seemed like it wasn't possible for it to get more complicated.  But that was no garuntee.2

Over the last six months, life for Jesse seemed to be going all wrong.  Even she herself could see it wasn't quite normal  The things that used to bring her joy now bored her or even made her sad.  She would go days without displaying any mood at all, and then spend 24 hours on an emotional rollercoaster.  She couldn't decide which was worse - when her mood was the same, it was the same in a hopeless way, like nothing would ever get better.  But in her manic mood swings she only felt like she had lost who she was, like she didn't know what type of person she was and didn't know which way to act.  You can't be everything, she knew that, or else you're nothing at all.  And despite how it might have seemed from the outside, she definitely didn't want to be nothing.3

Her depression was at a high price.  She was slowly cutting herself off from most of her friends (or they were cutting her off from them, she wasn't sure).  Her closest friends she had been pushing away, telling them less and less about what was going on in her world, in her head.  She couldn't bear the thought of losing them later, so she was withdrawing herself emotionally now to save herself the pain.4

Today had been bad.  Some people had poked fun at her for no reason, a teacher had sent her to the office for skipping too many classes, and on the way home the bottom of her black hemp schoolbag ripped open, dropping the contents all over the sidewalk.  A stick of black lipstick rolled under a bench, and she rolled it back with the toe of her black knee-high lace-up boots.  She picked up the rest of the pieces, considering how maybe this was all she had left.5

When she got home, Jesse went straight to the basement.  This was her place of peace.  The only place in the whole little half-a-house that had a lock.  She put the phone on the charger just in case anyone called.  She knew they wouldn't.  But just in case.  Then she cranked up the radio, flopped onto her bed, and stared up at the ceiling for the next 45 minutes.  The loud of the telephone made her jump, and she stared at it for a while before answering it, as if wondering what to do.6

It was Courtney.  Beautiful Courtney, vain, self-centered Courtney, the girl unknowingly occupying Jesse's mind whenever she felt up to being attracted to anyone.  How could she let herself be so totally obsessed with a heartless bitch like Courtney?  It frustrated her, but she couldn't deny how she felt deep down inside.  But Courtney only called to let Jesse know there was a party this weekend, so she wouldn't be able to come over on Saturday to watch movies like they had previously planned.  Jesse, of course, was not invited to this party, and she knew it.  Courtney seemed totally unaware of how rude and unkind it was to tell Jesse about a party she wasn't invited to.7

The rest of the conversation was Courtney blabbing on about all the guys she'd fooled around with in the last week, who was her current boyfriend, and how much she hated her latest ex.  The usual.  And as usual, Jesse couldn't bring herself to end the conversation.  She somehow took some sick comfort in hearing Courtney's cotton-candy voice float through the telephone line.  Finally Courtney had no more to say, so she said goodbye.  They never talked at school, Courtney would be embarrased to be seen socializing with the kind of person that only ever wore one colour.  But every once in a while Courtney would call to unload her problems when her other friends had already heard everything and there was no one else left for Courtney to whine to.8