As I waited for my music to play I remembered what happed those nights. I have been waiting for this for three years. Tonight I get revenge, but this is more than revenge it’s for the World Championship. This was my dream. This was my night to make a name for myself. Tonight the SLE (Street Life Entertainment) will have a new champion. Tonight I make an impact.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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Short, yes, but it gives a good insight into the tale about to unfold ^^ it would be better as a simple summary though, like on the back of a book ^^ so it could be a bit longer, other than that, i definitely wanna read the rest of it
so get to writing
beginning: 5, language: 4, plot: 3, ending: 5, dialog: 1, characters: 3.
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Lookin' up!
Impact in three seconds...
Impact in two seconds...
Impact in one second...
BOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!
lol sorry A.J., couldn't resist. This is pretty good stuff compared to what I usually see from you; I'm impressed. It has much more voice then you usually put into your writes and it's got the beginnings of a structure here. Just one thing that would have made it better is the fact that it's so short and so vague that you end it before the reader's ready. They're left scratching their heads and uninterested with the rest. Overall, a great improvement, but just put a little more content into it, 'kay? Nicely done, Keep it up!
Dan
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You'll make hell of an impact, AJ That's all I really have to say
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its great i like it
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