too lost in you

Its the first day at school. I don't know which class is mine. I look through the lists for my name. I found it, at last. I enter my class, late as usual. I look for any familiar faces. But my eyes catches a guy. Dark hair, wearing glasses. DAMN the seat next to him is taken. Then, i find my best friend, still looking at the guy. I sat next to my friend and the day went on. As the days passed i got closer to the guy.

The year ended. Nothing happened romantically. But we became best friends for ever. Unfortunately, He had to transfer to another school. So each of us went to his/her separate ways. We used to call every now and then & i used to see him during the exams ( once a year).

3 years passed. On the 3rd year.I started loving him & that was when my life turned upside down. A phone call from him made my day a blast. When he would call me "hon", I'd feel that i could fly. When he would say something good about me in front his friends, i would feel that am the queen of the land. Taking into consideration, that he was deeply in love with a girl. he had some BIG troubles with their relationship. She was living outside the country & he got involved with another girl here. And i managed to make her disappear from his life so that his girl would know nothing about it. then, all of a sudden, when i thought that i could get him out of my life. He calls in the middle of the night to tell me that he wants me to be his girl. I couldn't sleep all night. the next day, he acted as if nothing happened, as if he said nothing. After making my fall for him again, he manages to let me go one more time. He disappears for a while. And one of my friends calls to tell me that he broke up with his girl friend and that he is dating another girl. Although he just called, he didn't bring up the subject. I never called until i was really really down. I got accepted in a college in another town, 3 hours away from where i lived. My mum was really upset, so was my grandma. I was crying and really upset. He was the only one that comforted me , that was when he told me that he had a new girlfriend.

He was still involved with this girl, when he started to imply how we would make a perfect couple. How we would live happily ever after, how i was the ONE, his dream girl. He introduced me to his friends and on the same day broke up with his girlfriend. that was when i thought that he would make his move & tell me that he loves me.

Months passed and he did nothing to show me his love. He acted as if we were just friends. he kept telling all my friends that i was the right girl for him, that he wanted to marry me. And that right now he's not ready for a serious thing.Then, he disappeared, he totally disappeared. He never called, answered my calls or called backed. He acted as if he doesn't know me. When i saw his friends, they would ask me about him & complain that he doesn't answer their calls.

Through these months, one of his close friends liked me. I did like him too. But he managed to make him go away. I don't know what he told him, but he managed to make him disappear from my life. He acted so rude & mean towards me. He never clarified my situation. He never told me that he loves me. He never told me that he didn't too. He told me mote than once " i love you", but in a context that made it unclear, are we just friend or are we something more.

Now, he's been gone for more than a month. there is no day that passes & i don't think of him. I miss him like hell . I wish that i could see him & that we would work it out. But also it is a possibility that he forgot about me & he's hanging out with a new girl. I wish i could know, what did happen. Every valentine, i wish that we would be together. I really love him despite all his stupid acts.