My footsteps echoed throughout the empty kitchen. I paced throughout the house, stopping frequently to glance impatiently out the frost dusted window. The lush green pines stood tall with icy snow lacing that would soon fade with the end of winter.
I walked into the bathroom to smear a small bit of dark eyeliner along the edges of my lids. My deep blue eyes revealed the glint of excitement, and nerves in anticipation of my upcoming date. The barking of dogs in the yard next door told me that the time was nearly here.
I pivoted out of the bathroom just in time to see a car roll down my drive way. I turned to the mirror, ran my fingers through my silky ebony hair, and walked to the door. I took a few deep breaths and tried to convince myself that yes, this was not a movie, or some crazy dream. I was going out on a date with one of the most sought-after boys at school.
When I opened the door, the butterflies in my stomach went from a gentle flutter, to a full fledged flight. Ryan stood there, tiny flecks of snow in his sleek light brown hair and cheeks pink from the cold. He flashed me his most charming smile and extended his arm.
"Hello madam, your chariot awaits," he grinned.
I smiled at him, looked down at the floor, and blushed. "Mom, I'm leaving!" I called. Then I took my sweater from the hanger, slid it on and walked out the door, silently declining his arm. He seemed to understand and followed, shutting the door softly behind us.
It was colder outside than I thought. My breath hung in pale puffs ahead of me and the snow floated gently down to cling to my eye lashes. Ryan opened the door on the passenger side of the car. At first, I wondered if perhaps he expected me to drive. I looked at Ryan with a curious expression then realized he had opened the door for me. I blushed at my stupidity, then walked forward and lowered myself into the car. He closed the door and walked around the drivers side.
Most of the way to the Café' Ryan talked. This was my first real date, and to have it with one of the most handsome boys in school, while knowing some how every detail of the date would trickle around the student body, didn’t make me think my nerves would stop anytime soon. After all, who ever thought a person like me, not popular, not in any sports, not a cheer leader, would get noticed by a boy like Ryan? Certainly no one at school. The news of our date spread like wildfire. Not one person hadn’t heard about it by the end of the day Wednesday. I wished they'd all get a life of their own.
"You know," Ryan said as the car smoothly turned a corner, "I'm surprised your not...well...don't take this the wrong way because I mean no offense by it...but...more popular."
"Really?" I said, taken back.
"Yeah, you're so much prettier than any of the other girls in school." I looked bashfully down at my hands, which were twirling slowly in my lap.
"Thank you," I said and smiled.
"Guys probably ask you out a lot though, even if they arent ones from the school."
"Actually, no, I know this probably sounds weird but, this is my first date."
"Really?" He asked. "I cant see why." He smiled at me again, I smiled back. This conversation felt a little too thick for me, and I think he could sense my hesitation. "So, what do you like to do?"
"Oh," I said, happy for a lighter conversation, "I sing in the church chior."
"I bet you're really good."
I looked out the window, "I guess i'm alright, nothing to get excited about."
"Let me be the judge of that," He pursued.
"Oh I'm too nervous, no one but the director has heard me sing solo."
"Well then, how do you know you're not any good?"
"I just...do."
"How?" he asked again.
"I just don't think I sound good."
"Can I hear you sing? Please?"
"I dont know..." I mumbled reluctantly, biting down on my lower lip.
"Maybe you'll change your mind later?" He suggested.
"Maybe..." I said, starting to feel a bit more comfortable. Ryan laughed.
"Alright, i'll settle with that for now." He smiled as the car came to a stop. I reached for the door handle as he stepped out of the car.
"Wait, dont!" He cried. The urgency in his voice startled me and I froze. "Let me get that for you." I laughed as he walked around the car to open the door. "Careful, its icy." I stepped out of the car delecatly, so as not to slip. We walked side by side to the coffee shop.
Inside was warm and tosty with a comfortable atmosphere. Ryan and I took a seat at the table. A well dressed waiter swiftly made his way over to us.
"Can I get you anything?" he asked.
"Just a coffee for me please, black," Ryan said, "How about you Christine?"
Not wanting to be too expensive on a first date I ordered a coffee too.
"And anything to eat?" The waiter asked kindly.
"How hungry are you?" Ryan asked, meeting his eyes with mine.
"Not too hungry," I lied. I felt awkward eating in front of such a cute boy, especially eating a lot.
"How about we split something? Or get a few doughnuts?"
"Cookies!" I joked eyeing a plate of chocolate chip cookies by the desk.
Ryan laughed again, "Cookies are good too. Alright, bring us four cookies."
"What kind?"
"Chocolate chip sound good?" He asked.
I nodded my head. I was finally starting to feel more comfortable with myself.
The waiter brought our coffee and cookies. I sucked in the sweetness of this night. Sitting here, in the cozy little coffee shop, with Ryan. Everything was perfect in my book.
"So what do you want to do when you get out of highschool?" Ryan asked.
"I'm not really sure, there's nothing i'm really good at."
"Oh I bet thats not true, I bet you have loads of talent just waitng to break through."
I smiled at Ryan and allowed our eyes to lock for longer than they had before. He had such captivating dark eyes...
His fingertips brushed the palm of my hand. I smiled, picked up my coffee and took a sip.
After we had our coffee we left the shop. When we left we walked close enough to brush shoulders. I turned to go toward the car but Ryan stopped.
"Lets not go that way."
"Why not? The car's right here," I said, confused.
"I know, but lets take a different way to the car, a longer way."
Catching on I walked next to him and this time, I allowed him to link his arm through my own. We walked down the sidewalk toward the lake. The sky was clear and the stars winked at us from the heavens. As we walked on the lake came into view. Ice stretched out into the vast dark waters of Lake Michigan.
"Gosh, its pretty out here," I sighed. The cold wind wrapped around us and drew me closer to Ryan. He draped his arm around me and pulled me closer to him. I was starting to grow glad that I hadn’t worn a heavier coat.
For a while we sat there. Ryan rested his chin on top of my head as we looked out at the moon over the pier. The beauty seemed to wash over me and suddenly, very quietly at first, I started to sing.
"I go out walking after midnight, Out in the moonlight just like we used to do..." As softly as it faded in, my voice faded out back into the night, as if a song had never passed my lips.
"Wow," Ryan muttered, "That was amazing, really it was."
"You really think so?" I asked. He nodded his head and smiled.
"We should probably head back though, I want to get you home at a decent time so your mom will be more likely to let you go off again."
"Oh, she doesn't care, but you're right, I should be getting home."
We turned and walked back up the hill to the car while South Haven slept soundly in the winter night. Ryan linked his hand with mine and I blushed, but didn’t pull it away, even as the butterflies in my stomach exploded. Eventually, they calmed down to a dull flutter.
When we got to the car Ryan opened the door and stepped to the side. I walked forward. "After you mada-" but he stopped. My foot slipped out from under me on the ice and my body fell forward. Ryan pulled me up into his arms holding me steady, and close. He held me there for a long moment and pushed my dark hair out of my face.
"You have really beautiful eyes."
I looked away and blushed, "Thank you." I bit down softly on my lower lip and smiled.
"You know, I didn’t want to say anything about this earlier when we
were in the car because you seemed really tense but, its really cute when you do that."
"Really?"
"Really really." He smiled and leaned forward. His lips brushed my own lightly, too lightly to be a kiss. I could feel tiny shocks pulsing through my skin making me feel warm. I wanted him to kiss me, but he quickly pulled back and helped me into the car. The ride home was bitter sweet. I truly enjoyed the night, and he hinted at another date, but I hated having to say goodbye at the door. He hugged me tightly and returned to his car. I watched as the lights faded out into the distance and walked inside.
Author notes
this is chapter one of a larger book... and still in progress...the chapters are pretty short though. If your interested in following the rest of the story you can go to my main page www.storywrite.com/starswept917 and find the rest of the chapters there. If you want to know when i post new chapters you can either add me as a friend or send me a message asking me to let you know. Thanks for reading!
A contest entry
- I'm bored, so anything. by Loonamist.
175 points, ended February 19, 2007, 43 entries
• next story in this contest, remove from contest - ALOT LIKE LOVE by Melli.
120 points, ended April 4, 2007, 16 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next story in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 28 of 28
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awww. this was so cute. i wish i could find me a boy like that
lol i enjoyed her shyness and the way that she didnt really know what she was doing on the date. he was so good to her, and so patient it seems, in not expecting more than she was comfortable with giving out. he didnt tease her about her first date. he was a perfect gentleman.
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This was cute and sweet. The girl reminded me a bit of me haha... like the shy, not-knowing-what-to-do-on-a-first-date thing. Nicely written.
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Very good, Very captivating. I would like to hear a little bit more about Ryan but I would also like to read another chapter! It was a sweet little romatic story and very fun read! Good job very well done.
beginning: 4, language: 4, plot: 4, ending: 4, dialog: 3, characters: 3.
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So sweet! I loved it. Love stories are truly some of my favorites. And you made me feel so warm inside with this one. You truly have a way with words.
beginning: 5, language: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Awesome.
Haha, I'm going to read more because frankly, this was amazing. And I loved how it took place in Winter... I guess it just added that romantic feeling to it.
~Kevan!~
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Hello? Great!
Where is the other chapters!?!! I need to know because I am going belistic to read the rest of the story and/or novel. Please put a notice at the top of the page saying when you'll add or where you'll put the other chapters. I am anxious and will check back soon to see. I turned 10 years old April 22, and proud of it. I turned into an aga of double-digets and all though I'm young, I know when a story is good or bad, and your's is far above from great, it's magnificent! Remeber, give me a notice of when and where the other chapters are going to be and I'll definately stop by and see them. Bye!!! LOL (sideways smile)beginning: 4, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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This was nice, good description of how akward it is at the beginning. However, he is trying too hard to be a gentlemen, too nice, that's just a personal opinion. This was only the beginning so we will most assuredly see anothe side of him. Good beginning!
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Discovered this late...
Very well written with a special talent for lyrical descriptions in the first few pages.
Happy to see you have so many reads and comments and I note that the few typo's were mentioned, I would add, you used 'your' for you're a couple times...mistakes I make also from time to time.
A very nice first date story with appropriate tension and apprehension and uneasy awkwardness about entering and leaving the car.
Well done!
amicus...
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really good job so far.
im typing as i go so this comment may sound wierd.
"I sucked in the sweetness of the night." ? say that out loud and tell me if you think that sounds really wierd. i might just be me, but i think theres a better way to say that same thing. the word sucked just doesnt sound... good. lol. like its usually used for bad things. try to work with that.
He had such captivating dark eyes... (you dont need three periods here; just one)
other than that (and a few run ons at the beging) you did a really good job on this. quick question though. why is ryan so popular? a short sentance on what he does (e.g. sports, drahma, chess whatever!!). that would give the reader a little glimse into what kind of personality he has. it also wouldnt hurt to say that he goes to a church. that would make the whole date (and the whole book) seem more innocent than a regular high school date (which often never make it to the caf'e)
good job though i look forward to reading mor -
This was really good. I enjoyed reading this part a lot. I truly did. Wonderfully written. Keep on writing. God Bless!
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Great Job! Need to know where other chapters are, though!
Grand! Terrific, keep up the good work. I'm 10 and still love it! Write me saying where other chapters are, i'd love to read them!
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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Fantastic!
This is really good!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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fantastic
at first i was like "this is going to be a typical highschool date like every other book" but as i continued reading, it wasn't like the others. you worded everything great. i really love this story. i shall read all the other chapters, because i certaintly will not stop at the first!
great job -
Has a good beginning and end
Wow! Impressive. Love how u draw readers in w/ ur words. Descriptive and holds interest. I for one, am going to read all chapters. I do have a few suggestions however:
"Wait, dont!" He cried. The urgency in his voice startled me and I froze. "Let me get that for you." I laughed as he walked around the car to open the door. "Careful, its icy." I stepped out of the car delecatly, so as not to slip. We walked side by side to the coffee shop. **Here, "delecatly" is misspelled, should be "delicately".**
Inside was warm and tosty with a comfortable atmosphere. Ryan and I took a seat at the table. A well dressed waiter swiftly made his way over to us.
"Can I get you anything?" he asked.
And here "tosty" should be "toasty". Otherwise I see a great work in progress dear and I am so looking forward to reading more.
-theQueen"
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 4, ending: 3, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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This was an awesome read! I love good stories about romantically inexperienced girls (like me) who haven't the first clue of what to do, and this is perfect! I love it!!!!!
Very well written!
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quite interesting;Has brought out the feelings of the girl very well.Looking forward to the next chapter
Nuggehalli Pankaja -
Great
Very smooth alot of feeling It made me step back in time, can't wait to read the rest of the story.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, dialog: 5, characters: 5.
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It's good.
That's Cute. I love little love stories like this...
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hey! i really liked this. it was a sweet, romantic little story, but i would have liked to hear more about ryan as well. if it was her first date, maybe she would have wanted to find out more about him too. anyway, this was an amazing beginning and i cant wait for more.
good job and keep writing!
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Awesome
It was great, well written, and well put together. It just trapped me into not stopping until I finished reading it. I can't wait to see if there's going to be more to it.
beginning: 5, language: 5, plot: 5, ending: 5, characters: 5.
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Wonderful...
I became so captivated reading this that I
forgot I reading a story, I thought I was
watching a movie...
Salute! -
Amazing. Good story and pretty good detail, you really made the reader feel what the character was feeling.Perhaps a bit more description. Thanks!
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great read
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So Sweet!
Awww... I just love this story, chapter two better be in the making... lol. I love your detail! Everything feels so real and soon the main character's feelings become your own. Everything with the lake, the stars, the characters is just so real. The fact that you give your character a good singing voice makes her seem all the more beautiful. This comment is getting a little long, but you definitely have a great gift. There were just a few spelling errors, but nothing a little read through couldn't fix. Great job! Two thumbs up!
DuStBuNnI
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As i read it again
As i read it again i reliese the true passon you have for writeing stories, that are very good. indeed i love it!
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I am looking forward to the rest of these chapters
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