I Remember Losing You

I sit here on my bed, trying to remember your face, but everything is a blur. Sure I can remember your hair, and I can vaguely remember the outline of your face, but everything between is lost. Lost to what though? I don't want to be losing you to time, so I still deny it. When we said we would love each other no matter, I didn't expect it would be this hard to remember.
It's not that I forget everything. I remember those hot July days spent on the beach. The warm sand under our feet. I remember all the times when I asked you not to, but you still picked me up to throw me over your shoulder when I was being too stubborn. You called it the ultimate guy move. I remember playing football with you and the guys in Mike's backyard. It was never fair, because whenever I got the ball all you guys ever had to do was pick me up. I remember those stifling August nights when we would lay in each other's arms for hours in silence, because just being together was enough for us. I remember looking into your eyes one morning, and thinking that I could spend eternity with you and then some. There was a love in your eyes that someone can only read about in books.
Of course those were the good days. I remember mostly the hours spent in the hospital, talking with doctors and praying they would give us the good news that it was over. It wasn't just the cancer that gave us trouble. The nightmare that was your childhood crept up on us more than once. I remember with quite a lot of clarity, waking up in the middle of the night only to cradle you in my arms and reassure you that everything would be okay, and your mom would never touch you again. We faced each new challenge with a brave face. Though our love wasn't perfect, it was enough to get us through each day. And each day that passed got harder and harder to live through, but we made it.
The one challenge we naively didn't think we would ever face, we didn't face together. You were gone, and I was left here alone to face it by myself. Though at that time I still had a picture of you in my mind. I could still see you like you were in front of me. I could still hear you whispering in my ears. I could still smell the mixture of lime and coconut that only you could pull off.
It's not that the memories are fading, it's that I'm losing you. It's like I had you back, and now I'm losing you all over again. For a while there I was okay with your death, because in my mind you had been immortalized. But now that you are slipping from me, I'm feeling lost all over again. Though I'm losing you now against my will, I will always have the memories we shared together. Even though I'm losing my picture of you, I will always remember both the good and the bad times we spent together. I will always remember losing you, because it is now a memory of you, and I keep them all.