Beyond the light

1
Kirra
I have tried everything. But I am still hurting inside. I tried getting drunk. That only left me with a headache. I’ve tried talking but I can’t say his name with out choking up. I’ve even tried to forget his face but it’s still there in my head. My heads still hurting from all the crying and my eyes are really blood shot. What can I do now?
‘Kirra are you there?’
‘What?’
‘Did you here anything I said?’ I wasn’t exactly listening. Looks like I’m going guess my way out pf this situation.
‘Something about a car I think’
‘Nope your so far away today. Can’t you move on’ Why does he always say that to me. I’ve moved on. I’ve let go. Sort of. Not really. But Dane isn’t going to find out.
‘I have’ I yelled at Dane
‘It doesn’t seem like that to me’
‘Well I have. What’s it to you anyway’
‘You’re my best friend’
‘I don’t care if I’m your best friend. You have no right to tell me how to feel’
‘It’s been two months’
Yeah and I’ve moved on’
‘It doesn’t sound like it to me’
‘Whatever’
‘Fine be like that.’ Dean was getting increasingly angry with me. He was the one that started it not me. Anyway, Dane didn’t know what happened that day two months ago. Maybe when I was ready I might tell him. But I’ll never know if I will ever be ready.
2
2 months ago.
I just had got off from the bus. Another day of school gone and another afternoon with josh. I couldn’t wait. I went to our favourite café and sat down. The café was small with a lot of art hanging on the wall. No wonder they called it art house. I sat and waited. The waiter came around twice and then again. What could possible take josh this long to get here. I deicide to order while I was waiting. I didn’t feel like eating but I wanted a coffee. So I ordered my favourite Mocha with a hint of orange flavouring.

I couldn’t stand waiting around any longer. I picked up my bag and got my phone out. I dialled josh’s number and waited. There was no answer. I couldn’t keep sitting and waiting. I got my bag, left some money on the table, and walked out. How could Josh stand me up. Why did he stand me up? I went to the garage were he worked and asked Jacko. But as usual, Jacko didn’t see a bloody thing. He words exactly. I walked over to josh’s house and knocked on the door. This would be my last resort and then I had to get home. No answer. I grabbed a piece of paper out of my bag and left a note. I wanted him to call me so I could give him a blast. Just as I walked out of the driveway Josh pulled up in his car.
‘Where in hell have you been?’
‘At work’
‘That’s bullshit’
‘I have’
‘Well either Jacko is blind or your lying so what is it?’
‘Fine I had some thinking to do’
‘About?’
‘Um…us’
‘What about us’ I felt my eyes prickle up with tears. I was just hoping he wasn’t going to say those words.

3
Josh
Just say those words and then explain why. You’ve been over it so many times. Just say it josh and don’t be a pussy. It’s over. It just isn’t that easy
‘You’re breaking up with me aren’t you’ Kirra was upset. I can’t do this.
‘Yes Kirra I am and I’m sorry but I just can’t keep doing this’
‘Doing what?’
‘Keep believing that this…us is going to work’
‘What’s wrong with this, us’
‘I work all day and you go to school. I barely ever see you and it is costing too much money having coffee every afternoon. I just have so much to do’
‘Like?’
‘Just stuff’
‘So this is it.’
‘I guess so’
‘What about everything we did all the time we spent together. Didn’t that mean a fucking thing to you’ her voice was getting louder and louder. The tears were teaming down her face. What have I done?
‘Of course it does’
‘Its getting late and I have to go home’
‘Do you want me to drive you home’
‘No. How about leave me alone’
‘Fine. Please don’t stop at the garage any more’
‘I don’t wanna go to that shit hole ever again’ Kirra walked down my driveway in tears. I didn’t think it would hurt this much. There was so much between us. I regretted it. I wish I wasn’t such a loser. I would’ve kept going out with her but I had found someone else. Even though I didn’t love this person, I was going to be a dad.

4
Kirra
It’s over just like that we were going so well. How stupid was I. I let another guy get close to me and break my heart again. As I walked in the door and my little sister ran up to me.
‘Paul’s was saying mean stuff to me’
‘Paul be nice to Sarah’
‘No she started it’ were was mum she should be home by now. I couldn’t handle Paul and Sarah fighting. All I wanted to do was go to my room and not leave. I wasn’t going to stay here a minute longer.
‘Paul can you tell mum that I’ve gone out’
‘No you can’
‘Just do it you little turd’ Just as I was walking out the door mum pulled up in the driveway.
‘Hi mum how was work’
‘It was fine’ I tried to put on my best face. I couldn’t hang around this place tonight. Then it struck me why don’t I go and ask Dane if I could stay at his place.
‘Mum I was wondering if I could stay at Danes house for the night’
‘But it’s a school night’
‘Please mum we have this project that needs to be done and were partners for the project’
‘I guess so is it alright with Danes mum’
‘Yeah of course it is’ Just a little lie.
‘Well as long as you just stay a Danes house and don’t go to Josh’s’ there is his name again.
‘Why would I want to go to joshes house?’
‘Well go get your stuff and I’ll take you there’
‘No need to drop me there I need the fresh air’ I couldn’t keep this up much more. Why couldn’t mum just leave me alone?
‘Ok but…’ heres the catch. I bet I have to call her when I get there.
‘I want you to call me when you get to Deans house’ I was always right.
‘Ok I’ll just get my stuff’
‘Go straight there and no were else. I’ll find out if you go anywhere else’
‘I know you’ll have me killed and my head stuck on the mantle’
‘Very funny’ I walked down the hall and into my room. I didn’t need much just something to wear out and my school clothes.

I got to the park and called Dane. I told him that I was staying the night and that we were going out. No ifs or buts out of his mouth just agreement. I walked over to Danes house and we did a dump and run…well sort of. Dane stood outside of the bathroom while I got changed. I guess he always did that. I always took so long in the bathroom and well I guess he must just get bored or something.
‘So why are you here Kirra’
‘Jason broke up with me’
‘That’s no surprise’
‘It is to me’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I don’t mean anything it just isn’t a surprise. You go through boyfriends like there going out of fashion. If you get my drift’
‘I thought this was different’
‘So were will it be tonight’
‘The pier’
‘How are we going to get in?’
‘Kain will let us in’
‘Sure’

5
Kirra
We were in the club at one of the table at the back. We had met up with some of Danes friends but I soon lost interest. By now, I had downed about six bottles of vodka and two cans of bourbon. I could barley walk let alone stand up but I wasn’t going to sit in a corner by myself drinking all my miseries away. I was going to sort out my problems once and for all. I was going to confront Josh. I stumbled my way over to Dane. He had to be chatting up someone.
‘Dane I’m going back to your place’
‘Ok heres the back door key’
‘Thanks’ I was more than slurring my speech I could barely speak but the few I could get out was just enough. I wasn’t gonna go back to Dane’s house I was going to see Josh.

I stood on Joshes front step and bashed on the door loudly. I heard footsteps coming down the stars but I wasn’t ready to face him yet. My brain was telling me to run but my feet weren’t moving.

To be continued