'Uh...hello? I'm not quite dead.' As funny as it sounds at first that's all I could think of to say. Here I was buried in God's green earth but I'm NOT dead. I mean you'd think I would know this don't you? And still, I am buried. They don't really bury you six feet under. It's more like five, unless the guys who dug my bed just got lazy. Either way, that doesn't excuse the fact that I'm not dead, does it?1
At first I panicked. I clawed at the top of this casket. My finger nails broke off and my finger tips are now bleeding. Yup, my own blood is keeping me alive. I'm not sure how much longer I can survive off my own blood, but for now it will have to do. I have kicked at the coffin. My feet are surely bruised. I'm getting a little tired. Fighting for your life is exhausting.2
I am sure insanity is upon me. Bugs continue to crawl on my body but how did they get here? That's the 64 million dollar question. Maybe they will eat me alive then I don't have to worry about the fact that I'M NOT DEAD.3
Over and over I scream. No one hears me. I wonder if anyone realizes I am buried alive. Will anyone save me? Come to the aid of a damsel in distress, because if I have ever been in distress, it surely is now. 4
Madness begins it's eternal descent into my mind. Have you ever gone crazy? It's really quite easy to do so, I think. Before me faces fly by, some of them I know, some I don't. My mother stands before me, saying something about how she told me so. Man, you think she'd give me a break, I'm dead after all. Or so she thinks. I begin to shout at her 'please do shut up, I'm trying to think.' She just keeps going on and on.5
Once again I claw at the coffin, my hands are going numb. I'm running out of breath...Oh my sweet Jesus, I'm coming home. Wow, death is cold. I don't like this. I cry for my mommy, 'please, please help me.'6
Finally I see the white light you hear about. It blinds me so. I hear voices, I've heard so many times before.7
A light shines into my face.8
'What's her problem?' I hear some little smart ass say.9
'Oh, her...it's quite sad actually. When she was a teenager she was kidnapped and buried alive. She's never been sane since' Says some lady in a white dress. I think she's an angel.10
'Wow, how old is she now?' Mr. Smart ass again.11
'She's 33 now, I doubt she'll ever make it out of here' says the angel.12
Of course13
I'll never make it out of here, Einstein, I'm dead.... 14
Author notes
Just a little story I made up.
This may not be the funniest story you have ever read but it is the funniest one I ever wrote.
Choice six
What did you think? Please comment!
Comments
1 - 69 of 69
-
Actually, no, I hadn't. It's not true either. It's just made up for fun. I don't watch CSI at all. It bores me a bit.
Thanks for your comment. -
You must have watched CSI - similar incident happened there. Sad case you write about here. Sorry it is true.
-
She's not dead she was kidnapped and buried alive and now she spends her days in a mental instituion as a result.
-
Excuse my slow mind, but ish she dead or not? I'm thinking she;s just insane, but I'm jut trying to clarify it for myself. Good story though, except for my bit of confusion at the end. Reminds me of this true story of when this woman was buried alive, and graverobbers came, and theyt got all freaked out when she got up and started walking. If only this person had had that gun people were buried with so they could either shoot them selves or make a lot of noise. Good write and goof luck in the contest.
-
Wow. I really like this piece. Twisted. I wouldn't exactly call it funny, really, but it was good nonetheless. I liked the ending, I was not expecting that. Good write, good luck in my contest!
-
Haha so cute ^_^ wow.. I'm twisted... but gah this write was quite humorous from my perspective o.O I loved it! I'd applaud but I am so wayy past my limit on applauds... meh screw it lol I think I shall read more of your stories!
~Amy
-
Strange tale. It reminds me of all these urban legends about people being buried alive. If it happened to me, I would probably think "Oh well; this kind of suites me." I don't really find solitude and being forgotten scary, but this was humorous. I wish I knew how your character got out of that situation (though, in her mind I guess she never did). Interesting psychological twist at the end. Very nice.
-Renee -
cograts on honorable mention....so many too choose from and wish i could give gold to all...blessed be and thanks!!
-
This...yes this little tid bit, was amazing.Coulda been longer...you know drag it all on....but i LOVED it.Very nice twist at the end.I am sure were I ever kidnapped and buried alive i would go nuts too.You have amazing talent and creativity.Title led one way and story went another.Great great great write.Best of of luck in contest......wow!
Open your mind and let the ink flow from your heart,
~~Serenity~~ -
Funny in a morbid sort of way!
Wow, that's awesome! I love it! The first time I saw this title, I didn't think it would very good. (No offense, )
But I kept seeing this title. So I finally read it! I love it! It's wonderful and oddly humorous! -
In addition to your statement further proof is that in days gone by they would bury people with bells that could be rung out of the coffin so that if they were to be buried alive someone would hear. Othertimes, they would be buried with a gun so that they could shoot themselves if the need arose.
-
No the dirt wouldn't crush the coffin, coffins dug up after centuries are solid with just bones in them. Someone buried alive the way could survive for weeks if there was any moisture for water and some source of air, otherwise they'd only last a few hours. A kidnapper here buried his victime alive with a pipe for air, and she survived off moisture in the ground around her for a few weeks, but he left her and she died in the end!
-
wow great story you and i are very desturbed for having thoughts in our head oh well love all lots
kris -
Quite an creative and humorous write...i enjoyed the read....well thoughtout and keep up the good work
thanks for sharing
dark search -
awesome!
That was sooo cool!!! -
Ouch... sudden atack of claustrophobia... haha. Nicely written, i really felt the emotions, and an image of being buried alive, under dirt and suffocating. Quite different. I really like this piece... I applaud.
Claire
-
whoa, great job... kinda creepy, but great none the less. I was kind of confused about her living off of her own blood. but I dunno. did you know that it isn't possible to live long after being buried alive? the dirt from being six feet under most likely crushes most coffins, which would probably kill someone if they were in the coffin alive in the first place. But anyways, I didn't come here to ruin the point of the poem. great job. keep it up!
-KK- -
Well, I had to read it a couple of times then I realized that it's in the mind frame of an adolescent that is told from the memory of an older woman. It's good. I'm not all scaried of the concept of 'being buried alive' but the scar left behind on the innocent is real, enough. Good work. I liked reading it.
-
this was such an interesting story... a little creepy, but that was definately the beauty of it. great work and good luck in the contest
kay -
haha...now this is just scary...it got me thinkin though, took me a lil bit to figure out the ending, but I guess thats just b/c I'm blonde like that...great write though, really just awesome
-
very very good but very very creepy but i like alot great write i would have never thought of it
-
this is incredible. I really didnt expect the ending. You did a great job with this, and kept the ending open for if you wanted to write more, it's just a spiffy all around write
-
Ahh...this is really awesome. I love it! So vivid and...well...vivid. Yes. Great story, and good luck in the contest!!
-
NICE!! I loved the grim humor and surprise ending. Great write!! I have to go and read the remaining stories I haven't read, and once I'm done that, I shall judge the entries. Good luck my friend.
-
Excellent! It's sehr gut. Not really much to critique, except get rid of the word 'mommy'. It's just clichéd and emotionless and irritating.
Very good apart from that. -
Creepy.... All I have to say.
-
Wow I'd have to say that's one way I definatly wouldn't want to die..burried alive..scary x.x Nice story, good luck in the contenst.
*~Sarah~*
"Everytime I try to fly i fall without my wings to hold me.." -
Nice write, good twist and interesting idea. Liked how you kept it short! My mother in law has a terrible fear of being buried alive! All the best in contest! Happy writing BON
-
Dead ain't so bad.
You won't need no shoes.
You can charge up your credit.
You got nothin to lose.
Embrace dispair
'cause happy don't come often.
Enjoy that clawing
deep in your coffin.
-
Very creepy! Buried alive... there is actually a phobia for that! They also use to put chains into coffins that ran up to a bell on the ground, you know... Just in case!
I really like this, so creepy but I said that... I can't think tonight, so Iwill just say awesomely wicked job! -
wow that was the most far-fetched thing i've read all night! funky twist you had there, i liked it! it was funny but kinda had an eerie feeling to it... i imagined being stuck in a coffin... God i'd pray my cell phone was in my pocket!!
-
that is SO COOL! Great write. I love it.
~MOONZ -
WOW. this is beautifully creepy. I love your discriptions. It's an intresting topic that kinda makes ya think. what if i were buried alive? i bet i'd go crazy too. i liked how she saw the lady as an angel. that can be taken many ways, and i love it. amazing write.
no regrets,
Rachel -
Yes, it is physchotic, but I never claimed to be normal.
-
I read through the whole thing this time, and I see maybe it would or would not fit into my contest. I mean it's funny in an ironic sort of way, but I guess not cheesy. I actually liked this piece. A girl who thinks she's not dead, when she actually is. But then the part about the kidnapping and getting buried alive, that's not funny at all, that's psychotic...
-Abby Eyeball-
Edited on Jun 04, 7:28 p.m. because 'Mispelling'. -
Cool Story, She's In The Loony Bin, Right? I Really Thought She Was Burried Alive, Love These Kindes Of Stories Where The Author Has A Twist At The End.
Good Write. -
brilliant and original
"I'll never make it out of here, Einstein, I'm dead"..I could write paragraphs and they would all mean the same thing ...brilliant...freda -
This is definitely not what I was expecting. I love the twist at the end. The descriptions and questions are also very good.
-
Here's the link to my contest:
http://allpoetry.com/Contest/658131
It'd be great if you could check it out, I think you've got a great shot
-Abby Eyeball- -
Hey just thought you might like to know that I'm holding a contest where this would fit in perfectly. I haven't read the whole thing, but I skimmed through it and I think it would be perfect in my contest. Check it out!!!!
-Abby Eyeball- -
Very nice and interesting poem i enjoyed reading it alot
-
Great job
This was so funny, i don't know why I lught through the whole thing, maybe I'm morbed or just mad I don't know but it is a great write. Keep up the great work.... -
This was wonderful! I loved it...it walked that fine line between humor and things that, if you really think about them, make you crap yourself
I really love the subject of being buried alive...songs about it, stories, poems...so this got me as soon as I started reading it, but I thought the little twist at the end was wonderful. You're amazing, man...woman...
!
-Proxy -
well-done
rated on a scale of 1 to 10,it would get a 10 hands down.it is well-written and it holds your interest while it entertains you.i can't say it was very humorous,but it gave me a chuckle.i was too busy worrying about her mental state to catch the humor.you are a great story teller and i hope to read more stories from you.i am going to miss misty heart. -
Very good. It was very humorous. Good Job i like how you wrote it and the words that you chose for it. Keep writing i like it.
-
This was cute...in a morbid, twisted sort of way. I wonder exactly how you age when you die? Or if you age at all...or if you can keep track of your age if your dead...dunno...but those are the questions this brought to mind for some reason. Anyways, this was really cute, I liked it!
-
Funny ending. FUnny story. ROFLMAO
ROFLMAO
-
whooa, that was just funny. Yes, sad, and definitely creepy, you had me convinced she was buried alive. I love the twist at the end. Awesome job,
Amanda -
What an imagination, and funny too hehehe, I sometimes imagine... nope it's gone, oh well ile have a beer instead mmm beer gagagagagah
-
holy crap, you just blew my mind like twice, jeez louize you are amazing!!
-
Very interesting story. I really enjoyed the read and the twist at the end. Great job and thanks for sharing!!!
~
Laura
-
The opening two lines...the satire...the construction...the dark humor...and that delicious suprise twist at the end! I loved them all! The humorous manner in which the person thought while, seemingly at first, in a horrific situation was brilliantly constructed. The subject's thought process portrayed the madness well. However, I thought the subject was going insane while dying...not still insane while alive. It was tragic to think of this woman, already unbelievingly victimized and traumatized, being further injusticed by life-long insanity from the crimes inflicted upon her. You definitely caught my interest with this story. Thanks for sharing! Elaina
-
Yes she is in the hospital, she wasn't in a coma, she was just insane. It doesn't really matter too much because obviously this isn't a serious piece. Have a nice night.
Destiny -
I wasn't implying you didn't know anything about form in poetry, and I realized it was a story. Is she in a hospital? I see the white light and voices as possibly someone waking up from a coma, but it is somewhat unclear. I dunno, just some thoughts, I wasn't trying to bash it.
-
It is a funny little story, that's why it's at storywrite and not allpoetry. Oh, and she's not actually stuck in a coffin. Says so at the end of the story. It is suspose to be entertainng. That's why it's under humor. And like I said it's a story not a poem, I know plenty about form in poetry. Thank you so much for reading this.
-
WoW, great job! i really dont knwo what to say, the first line, very capturing! it seems to be kind of OK but just gets worse, like the reader is also burried alive, but all of a sudden it gets less tense, great twist at the end, Great piece
-
This was a really weird piece. I don't really know what to make of it. Stylistically, it lacked a certain panache-- the trapped speaker in the coffin didn't seem convincingly anxious, but it could just be my reading of it. Of course, the author's comments don't add to the interpretation much, except to make me think it's just a fun little story with entertainment as it's main goal or function. Funny little premise, I'd like to see it developed stylistically.
-
I really like how at first you think that maybe she's dead, but her soul is watching over it. Then as it goes on, you think wow she really was buried alive. Then as the big bang, you find out she's in a mental institutuon! This was great. I've wrote something like this, well with the ending that is. Mine was an erotica,lol. Anyway, great peice.
Vampress -
ooooh i absolutely love this!!! at first you get so into it thinking that the person is actually buried alive, but then you get to the end and its totally different then what you thought! this is really well written!!! i love how you're quite humerous in what you say, but in a really subtle way! (good rhyme..) anywho great write! write more! much love
colette
-
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha that's great. I loved it. You are quite a writer. I really enjoyed it. You have such vivid details and I love the psychology of it. Great Job!! zee
-
She did survive. She is in a mental ward at the end of the poem.
-
Niteangel just went on and on about this story. You know what she was right. This is a good story. I like that little twist there near the end. You give the readers a small hope that maybe she's just insane, not dead.
I see that you only have 2 stories posted, but I will hold out hope that you will post more stories in the future. You have the knack.
Hugs,
Willow -
this is really great. sad that she was kiddnapped when she was younger. its a really great story and i enjoyed it.
i just know i'm crazy keep it up i'll be looking for more
smiles
nite -
Well Written
My biggest fear is being buried alive or drowning. All through this I was strangely on tentahooks, even though I knew she wouldn't survive. Well written, you could picture yourself in there with her looking at your own bloody fingertips, etc - good imagery for that. A profound little story. I like. 
Lynn xXx
-
Very disturbing, but greatly creative. I love the whole mental hospital ending. It was really great to read, with a lot of suspense. Great work.
-
Buried alive? Theres a freaky thought. I like it, great job ^-^
-
nice
cool, that is a scary thought, lol being buried alive. Very different and cool, I like it. Great job! Keep writing!
-
*bows*
hah. WOW. i loved this. it was a very well rounded short story, kept me enthralled the entire way, and is a wonderful new idea. i got the shivers cause i claustraphobic and then i felt bad for her, but also sorta amused, because she doesn't seem to be suffering too much. anyway, great job!! -
Very creative. I love the fact that when one starts reading this story its hard to tell if the person is really dead or not. I think your dialogue is excellent as well as the terminology youve used. Great job.
Adding your comment:
1 - 69 of 69
